Strippers at bachelor/bachelorette parties

So I am getting married in 6 months. I want nothing to do with having a stripper or going to a strip club for the bachelor party. Now my fiancé doesn't want it but her sister who is planning the party wants to have one anyway. We've talked and she says she will tell her no to doing it. But..I worry it'll happen anyway. To me it's awful close to cheating. I've heard what goes on- the guy putting his junk in women's faces, other women trying to pressure the bride into doing things with the stripper. It just seems like a bad situation to put yourself into. Am I wrong?

Tell the sister you don't want or need a stripper and you will turn her away if you have to . It is your party not the sister's. If you don't want strippers you're perfectly within your right who needs a stripper for a bachelor / bachelorette party anyway .

It's one of those things that I'd personally consider pretty harmless but can understand those who do set that boundary. Thing is it's not about her sister. She's capable of telling her sister in no uncertain terms that she's simply not going to have a stripper or go to a strip club for her party. And, frankly, at this point, that whole idea is tired and basic as all get-out. But it's on her to enforce that boundary if it's something you and she agree on.

However, being that all you can control is you, for your end of things, it may be worth it to rationalize it a bit and think of it as a "last hoorah" and, if you trust her not to be groping on the guy (rules for male strippers do tend to be more relaxed), chalk it up to the ladies enjoying the one-time novelty and that being that.

Best you can do is communicate your boundaries clearly without necessarily restricting her and hope hers line up with yours and that she'll respect them.

I'm the male and I don't want one. My fiancé says she doesn't want one either but her sister thinks it's a neccesary thing. She claims she will turn the stripper away or leave if one shows up but my fiancé hates confrontation

I don't think it's a healthy way to begin a marriage. I wouldn't want another half-naked woman writhing on my husband, even if it's for only one wild night and it's tradition. I trust him, but just because of tradition, to me it's sleazy and if it's not appropriate on any other day, why make exceptions? And when I expect certain behavior from my husband, I don't engage in it myself.

Is your fiance a strong woman who makes sure things are done her way in important situations like this, or is she a people pleaser who lacks a spine? You need to know, going into a marriage, that your potential wife will seriously take into consideration your feelings on important matters. Have another discussion with her that on a scale of 1 to 10, what your feelings on this matter rates. If it's high and her feelings aren't high on the opposing side, she should agree to your wishes.

On the other hand, if they go behind her back and hire a stripper, I'm assuming you will trust her to handle the situation in the best way possible, since you've chosen to marry her. People see attractive people while out and about on a daily basis at work, at the grocery store, etc. It's not like a faithful person will be tempted to stray when that happens. If you don't have faith in her, you shouldn't be marrying her.

Yeah everything I've heard and read tells me that these male strippers are not innocent nor harmless. It's one thing to watch and another to grope and have the guy put his junk in their faces. Which is the norm from all I've heard. IMO if you feel the need for a last hoorah then maybe you shouldn't be getting married in the first place. Some stats I've found- 1/3 brides cheat when there are strippers, over 50% engage in some kind of behavior that would jeopardize the relationship.

Well then the sister can go to a strip club that night and the rest of the people can have the party that your fiancée wants .

Well I made a huge deal that at my bacholar party there would be no strippers. It was my party so I told anyone if they wanted one then they can have one at their party. We went camping for 4 days on the river, which was what I wanted and axed any chance of a stripper.

However my wife ended up going to a few strip clubs. Funny enough no male strippers were at any, just females. But I had no say in what they did, wasn't my party, it was my wife's.

I believe you should have whatever you want at yours. However, unless you want to be a crazy controlling guy you can't decide what is at your fiance's. Even if she says she doesn't want one, if she isn't the one to enforce that with her sister you won't be able to enforce it.

Just my 2 cents

Strippers are not "necessary". And the sister can have that for her party when she gets married or if she already did good for her .

"I'm the male and I don't want one. My fiancé says she doesn't want one either but her sister thinks it's a neccesary thing. She claims she will turn the stripper away or leave if one shows up but my fiancé hates confrontation"

After reading this, I would suggest that the both of you have a sit down discussion with the sister. Ask your fiance, in her sister's presence, what kind of party she'd like. Tell the sister that it's about your fiance, not her, and that she's stressing you both out about her idea of a stripper.

Is it controlling to ask your fiancé, wife, significant other to respect your feelings? I don't think it is at all. Strippers are unnecessary and the thing is honestly all it does is lead to drama and trouble.

I agree. My fiancé and I have talked and what she wants is a nice dinner and this thing called painting with a twist. I think the smart thing is to make sure the sister knows going in so there is no confusion.

The thing is the party is not about the sister so she needs to get over herself .

I'm not sure this still happens, but many years ago, my friends insisted on taking me to La Bare for my bachelorette party. Fun, drinks, and an erotic cake! Guys dancing in g-strings, all fun. Then they started the whole dollar-bill throwing, pointing me out as the bachelorette, and before I knew it, the dancer guy came off the stage, grabbed me, and started French kissing me, hard. It was honestly the grossest thing ever, and I hated it. But, I guess my point is, these things aren't always innocent, plus you have a history with her of that ex she "hung around with".

Yeah, I wouldn't like this.

That is exactly the crap I mean. It's not innocent. If it was then it wouldn't be something people got excited about- human nature. Now I know what party SHE WANTS...but...I don't know if she will actually be confrontational if they plan this other for her.

That is exactly the crap I mean. It's not innocent. If it was then it wouldn't be something people got excited about- human nature. Now I know what party SHE WANTS...but...I don't know if she will actually be confrontational if they plan this other for her.

She doesn't need to be confrontational she needs to be assertive . Confrontational and assertive are different things . She just needs to directly say any stripper that comes will be turned away. End of. that's not what I want no take that planning off the table right now .

Wrong choice of words. I meant to say she doesn't like confrontation. Left to her own devices she will just hope it doesn't happen. I am not sure if it's come up yet but I feel she should tell her sister soon

where did the research come from and the stats?

if i was going to marry someone i think i would probably call it off if i found out they had given a stripper a blowie or anything like that. whether it was their bachelorette party or not. and whether they had wanted the stripper there or not.

there are limits no matter what the scenario and boundaries that should not be crossed.

Honestly a bunch of different studies from websites including magazines like Esquire and even things like Reddit. Look I don't believe she would cross boundaries but it just seems like unnecessary crap.

I've been to several strip clubs, both genders. Girl strippers are nuns compared to the male ones I've seen. I've seen guy strippers expect to (and receive) a blowjob from woman at a bachelorette party I was bouncing for.

I was pretty mortified by the soon-to-be-bride partaking too.

I can understand your hesitation.

I would like to know where all of you live where these kinds of boundaries are crossed with male strippers! Lol!

I have been to many, many of these affairs and I can confidently tell you that where I'm from, while there is full frontal nudity, if you so much as grab a strippers butt, a bouncer promptly shows up at your table and the entire party is thrown out. No exceptions. While there are lap dances, there is a respectful 6-inch buffer between you and the stripper at all times and in NO way would they actually touch you (except maybe on the shoulder with their hand). There is certainly no kissing or anything sexual going on. The bouncers would be ALL over that! And frankly, I'd say a good 95% of them are gay. If you watch closely, you can totally see them checking each other out.

Maybe I've been to classier places? I do know Chippendales is similar (and actually, I don't even think they get fully naked). It's all about the hooting and hollering.

I cannot say the same for strip clubs where women strip. Those are FAR more shady (at least where I live).

Since I trust my bf, I would not have a problem with this. To be honest, while it's not his thing, knowing what it's like where I am, i don't think he'd care either.

But ultimately, it comes down to your own relationship and the boundaries you agree to between you. To me, if there's trust, I find it's much todo about nothing.

My experience is mostly from private bachelorette parties that I have bounced at. Not clubs. I am sure that is a big difference.

Female strippers have their own bouncers for private parties so I've only seen them in a normal club.

But most guys I've known to go to a private bachelor do say that they are stripper/prostitutes typically.

I only go to strip clubs with my wife anyways so we avoid any of these issues.

Yeah it's the private parties this happens at. I've heard first hand from female friends that they do expect a blow-job and usually from the bride. That the other women basically pressure the bride into it too.

Yeah it's the private parties this happens at. I've heard first hand from female friends that they do expect a blow-job and usually from the bride. That the other women basically pressure the bride into it too.

This comment is outrageous. Mostly because most male strippers are homosexual.

Ok so I should just think people I know are lying because you say so.