My boyfriend never believes me

Hi! New user here, but have found many posts here helpful in the past. I'm having an issue with my current boyfriend where I feel like he doesn't believe anything I say. I don't mean trust issues we've never had any trust issues I mean when I make a statement about a something or state a fact I read he immediately says he doesn't think that's true and googles it. Also, if we are in the middle of a conversation and one of us wonders something neither of us know about I'll google it and tell him what comes from my research, but then he refuses to believe it and has to conduct his own search in order for him to believe it. This has happened multiple times and he's just constantly questioning my credibility. Additionally, if another guy says the same statement he almost always finds it more credible and will listen to it more seriously. I'm starting to wonder if my boyfriend is sexist and he isn't aware of it, or if he just thinks I'm dumb and doesn't really care what I say.

I've told him on multiple accounts that I constantly feel like he never believes anything I say and he always responds that he listens and believes me and ends the conversation. It honestly just feels like he's placating me by rambling off whatever he thinks I want to hear, but the problem is never solved. I'm starting to get really frustrated and don't know how to move forward. He's a bit egocentric and has trouble seeing things from other people's point of view or thinking about anything but himself, so I don't really know how to even communicate to him what he's doing wrong in a way that he'll understand my point of view and take it to heart.

I don't think I want to break up with him, but I'm tired of feeling upset and frustrated almost every time we talk. Looking for advice about what to do or how to better communicate. Thanks!

It's certainly not becoming, but not sure if it's certifiably sexist. A lot depends on the overall context as well. Have you been wrong about facts before? Are the facts you're presenting challenging to an opinion of his or can he not even accept that you looked up and found out that tigers have 35 stripes?

To be honest, I fact check most things I have any kind of investment in. Bear in mind I'm not asking my fiancee, a doctor, something medically or biochemically related and then turning around and saying, "Yeah I'm not so sure about that," but while I'm not sure I'd make it a habit of vocally challenging her, I might nod and give it a look-see myself later on if it's something challenging to what I think I know and care about and it's not a field she's got particular authority in. And, really, I'd say it's about 10% verifying she was right and a solid 90% just wanting to know more. We're far and away the most informed misinformed generation so I do tend to be a bit more skeptical. Still, again, if he's the type to frequently and vocally doubt, that's its own character implication to consider.

How often is this happening?

Are there good things about the relationship with him? Because:

. He's a bit egocentric and has trouble seeing things from other people's point of view or thinking about anything but himself,

I'm starting to wonder if my boyfriend is sexist and he isn't aware of it, or if he just thinks I'm dumb and doesn't really care what I say.

Those are a pretty big deal. And a deal breaker on my part. I need my partners to respect me. And to listen to me if I tell them something about how they are treating me is hurting my feelings.

It's certainly not becoming, but not sure if it's certifiably sexist. A lot depends on the overall context as well. Have you been wrong about facts before? Are the facts you're presenting challenging to an opinion of his or can he not even accept that you looked up and found out that tigers have 35 stripes?

 

To be honest, I fact check most things I have any kind of investment in. Bear in mind I'm not asking my fiancee, a doctor, something medically or biochemically related and then turning around and saying, "Yeah I'm not so sure about that," but while I'm not sure I'd make it a habit of vocally challenging her, I might nod and give it a look-see myself later on if it's something challenging to what I think I know and care about and it's not a field she's got particular authority in. And, really, I'd say it's about 10% verifying she was right and a solid 90% just wanting to know more. We're far and away the most informed misinformed generation so I do tend to be a bit more skeptical. Still, again, if he's the type to frequently and vocally doubt, that's its own character implication to consider.

 

How often is this happening?

The thing is when we have an argument it's either about a silly thing or a serious ethical/political issue. With the silly arguments, the answer is easily searchable, yet he still questions if my search was accurate. With the serious ethical/political issues, he never believes anything I say even when I quote reputable sources (I, like you, like to do my homework) and acts as if I'm spewing bull and writes it off. I understand if he has his alternative facts and refuses to listen to what he considers my brainwashed facts, but I always make an extra effort to listen to anything he says with an open mind, while I feel he does not do the same for me. Also, on occasion, when a guy has repeated the same thing I said that my boyfriend did not listen to from me, my boyfriend will listen to the guy. This didn't use to happen all the time, but it's been seeping into every conversation we have these days.

*slowly raises hand* - I'm totally guilty of this.

If someone says something surprising to me, I very much fact-check it myself. It doesn't matter if you've looked it up before, it doesn't matter if you are a member of MENSA, it doesn't matter if you are the most trustworthy person on the planet, in order to believe it myself and internalize it, I need to look it up myself and read a bit about it in order to truly believe it. Actually - maybe I'm old, but they taught us to do this back in school - to question everything. Back in the day, they called it critical thinking. And frankly, google is at our fingertips.

One exception to the rule is if it's a subject I don't care about (tell me whatever you want about the mating habits of pigeons - it's fine - I don't wonder about it and I don't care, I will take you at your word).

The other exception is if I'm being polite. I'll let you say whatever you want and check it later. Close friends and family get no such courtesy.

Are you sure he's not just comfortable with you?

I'm not sure why you'd jump to sexism unless he exhibits other behaviors that are sexist? Or he does it to other women too?

I can't say whether it is sexist. But it appears that he does not respect your intellect. I was married to someone like that for 21 years. I placated him so many times but really in the end, he never respected me intellectually.

Once we were on a hike, and he asked my opinion about how to handle a situation. He did not like my answer, and thought it would never work.

His dad was hiking behind us and perhaps he heard my answer or perhaps not. But when he caught up with us, my ex asked him for advice on the issue. My father in law said exactly what I said, to solve the problem. My ex thought the answer was brilliant!

Stop trying to change your bf. He will not likely change, since you have already tried to have that conversation and he brushed you off.

You need to decide whether this is a deal breaker for you . You deserve to be with someone that cherishes you, and values your intellect and other special qualities you have.

You can find sources on google that will reaffirm anything you believe in, and denigrate anything you don't believe in. What basically matters is how trusted the source is. However, I really don't recommend restoring to battling googling sources and citations for arguments. People were capable of resolving disputes amicably LONG before google existed.

I've told him on multiple accounts that I constantly feel like he never believes anything I say and he always responds that he listens and believes me and ends the conversation. It honestly just feels like he's placating me by rambling off whatever he thinks I want to hear, but the problem is never solved.

This is probably due to popular idioms such as "happy wife, happy life." You don't ALWAYS have to be right, even if you think you are. Picking your battles is important. You die on your sword over every disagreement and you are going to have big problems.

I do fact checks on lots and lots of stuff. I'm a scientist and I've always been taught to verify as much as you can. That honestly doesn't seem to be the issue. It isn't about trust as much as being a hands on leaner.

Him taking everyone's opinion as better than yours is something I could never stand in a spouse. Being repeatedly disrepected that way would have me gone before he even checks his phone.

There is a big difference between fact checking and simply being disrespectful toward any information your SO shares with you. In OP's case, he simply doesn't respect her and there is no way she is going to teach him to be different. Especially if he is as egocentric as she says. It's a case of either put up and shut up or dump him and find a partner who actually respects her.

Hi I have a little bit of that here in my home,he would say"sure how would you know?" kinda put me down and then when he asked me something the next time I would get my own back and just say"sure how would I know,,I know nothing!" Does he do it to wind you up?(My partner does that,,knowing hes doing it to rile me)Is he really that type of person that likes to make himself feel superior to you? Im sure hes not the know all of the planet,,how about no googling for a little bit???