Do I like him or am I just lonely?

Hey everyone!

So I've been single now for more than 2 yrs and I feel like I'm not ready to start dating yet or start a new relationship because of my personal issues (I have posted those issues here before) Mainly self confidence and I thought I should work on myself first and my insecurities before going out and meet new people. I have been struggling with my weight since I've been single and it's affecting me emotionally to the point that I have deactivated my Fb 2yrs ago and planing of activating it when I lose weight and gain my confidence again (I'm not overweight 60kg for 5'4 but Bigger then what I used to) point is i've been delaying meeting new people and potential bfs because of my insecurities, I have this idea In my head that I should set standards on who I would like to be with on my next relationship so I don't fall for the wrong person and won't get hurt, problem is I seem to have a high standard of men that I like (physically) I thought, they won't be attracted to me if I am fat, untoned and lazy therefore, I have started taking care of myself again and hitting the gym and I am so close to achieving my target. I have been happy and carefree until i have to moved to a new place. Moved to this new place recently and my landlady who has pollo has got a male carer. This guy is the complete opposite of who I wanted to be with and he's not very pleasant looking in my opinion however he is very sweet. I feel like the guy likes me, I can tell by his body language and how the way he looked at me. He's also making sure we bump in the kitchen or whole way every now and then despite his busy task so he can greet me or have a little conversation, thing is As much as I don't like taking to him, i like the attention that he's giving me and I can't stop thinking of this guy and I'm always a little happy every time I come home from work because I see him. I find myself asking anything about the house or borrowing anything just so I can talk or text him. One night he invited me for dinner coz he was celebrating something, it was unplanned invitation and I went. (I was hesitant to go first but I was secretly flattered) We had few drinks and I can tell he likes me, for some odd reason I told him I'm a lesbian because I don't want him to think that like him (if he ever suspects)

I can't stop thinking about this guy and when his off work, I'm kinda sad that he's not around. He was messaging me and was hinting he likes me but I shut him off straight away, but I am happy deep inside however, I don't want to be with him. Do I like this guy? Or am i just sad and I miss the company of opposite sex? Or do I just like his company? I'm confuse. I don't know what's going on with me.

It seems to me you are just flattered by the attention.

No, you don't like him. You like the attention, as many would, but you are clearly not into him.

Well I think this is a difficult situation because while you may find this guy not that attractive and not really your type physically, sometimes we can actually become attracted to people that our not our usual type. It may be because you're starting to really like the person's personality or you just get some kind of chemistry with them. Sometimes I think you just can't explain that "spark". Don't get me wrong, if you're actually not into this guy then don't force yourself.

But also to be honest it sounds to me like you're a bit shallow from what you were saying in your post. You were saying that usually you like typically attractive people and you want to date someone that looks like that so that's why you're working out at the gym and so on. To me it doesn't actually sound as if you're fat at all and it sounds to me like you're judging yourself harshly and think you need to live up to some kind of "magazine" standard. I think that's great you want to live a healthy lifestyle but it's also important in relationships to be with people that like you for who you are, not just your looks.

I think this goes for this guy too. Maybe you're starting to like him but you think he's not attractive enough for you? So you're trying to pretend that you don't like him? Sorry but if you're thinking about him all the time and you want to bump into him all the time then it sounds to me like you like him at least to some degree. I don't think you'd be thinking of him a lot unless you had some feelings for him. If you're really not into him then that's totally OK but I would say try not to be too shallow. At the end of the day the looks are just on the outside, the real person is on the inside.