my boyfriends brother took his life

In June my boyfriend of two years, whom I was incredibly close to and madly in love with, lost his brother to suicide. Now the world is flipped upside down. We are both in different colleges in different states. As if it wasn't hard enough to find time for each other, now its at an entirely new level. He is a new person, and I tried my best to prepare for that. I know that I will never understand the pain he is feeling and I try to remember that as much as I can.

Now, times are difficult. He barely talks. He puts in no effort to the relationship and he barely seems to care about anything, including me. I know he loves me very much, but I just don't feel it anymore because he is so pre-occupied with his loss (which I understand). However, I just do not know If i can go on. I feel so selfish even thinking about leaving him at a time where he really needs me. I feel selfish even thinking that I have my own problems.

I feel lost. I feel alone. I know he does too. He tells me he needs me when I ask him if he needs space to think and grieve alone. He responds by saying "I need you". Part of my does not believe him. I want to take a break but how can I do that to him? I just do not know the answer to anything anymore. I can not be there for him either because I do not even live in the same state. I am still young and I am trying to enjoy my life and remember that I am allowed to prosper and be happy- but I can't be. I know he is not either. I love him more than words can describe but right now I am questioning everything.

What do I do?

All I can advise you is to give him as much support as you can for as long as you can. His brother's suicide is sure to affect him deeply for 2 - 4 years, and of course, it will always be with him. I understand that you're not feeling his love, but he is going through an even worse time and you breaking up with him will depress him even more. Maybe get together around Christmastime when you're both home and try to reconnect.