Attention seeking sister??

Hi guys

Please look at my last thread for the back story ... basically I have not spoken to my sister for a month due to her behaviour after her affair ... she knows I. Am furious with her after she brought the guy into the pub infront of her daughter and me but my niece knew nothing about him

It was awful and I told her I couldn't believe she did that and she told me if I didn't like it to leave ... which I did (after giving the other man a mouthful)

So since then she went on holiday with him and her daughter guessed so she told her she is with a guy but to keep it a secret from her dad .... more secrets to keep ... awful

So she knows I am mad at her, knows why and doesn't confront it with me as she won't like what she hears

My issue now is that today she posted on Facebook how she is ill with tonsillitis!!! I now feel bad, which I believe is the reason she posted as she wants to not confront the problem but make me feel sorry for her

Am I bad ignoring her illness?? Baring in mind that if the OM was down she wouldn't have posted that

I think she'll be fine.

She has deleted me from WhatsApp and facebook!!!

Tonsillitis is unpleasant. But not nearly as unpleasant as putting you in the middle of her affair.

Don't feel bad.

Tonsillitis is not brain cancer. It's no big deal.

You feel too responsible for everyone else's feelings. You should not feel bad that she is mad at you or how she feels. You only need be truthful and be supportive of your niece if she requests it - she is an innocent party. How dare she put that on her daughter. Let your sister rot. She will have to realize the error of her ways, quite honestly, and you will not be party to all of this

So I am not being wrong here leaving her ill and alone ??? Cannot believe she blocked me !!!!!

So I am not being wrong here leaving her ill and alone ??? Cannot believe she blocked me !!!!!

The only good reason to not leave her alone would be to rat her out in front of her husband and give her a well deserved slap for making her daughter an accomplice. If you want to cheat, whatever, your choice - deal with the consequences. But bringing your family principally your daughter into it - "Don't tell daddy" - that is just super messed up.

So I am not being wrong here leaving her ill and alone ??? Cannot believe she blocked me !!!!!

Alone from what? She has tonsillitis. Big deal. I had mine out, when I was four years old. It was nothing. She is not dying.

She has her bf, adult kids and the rest of your family. I am confused as to how she would be alone for something so minor?

She is certainly not alone. In fact she has her husband and boyfriend to help her through this "trying time".

How old is your niece? How awful that she told her daughter to keep it a secret!

My only concern is that you keep the communication lines open to your niece somehow, so you can be of support to her.

I am wondering if your sister got some kind of STD.

Normally I would say to stay out of their marriage, but if your niece is a minor and is burdened with that information then you might think about telling your sister that she needs to tell her husband, or you will do so. It is extremely unhealthy for your niece to be burdened with that info.

She is certainly not alone. In fact she has her husband and boyfriend to help her through this "trying time".

 

How old is your niece? How awful that she told her daughter to keep it a secret!

 

My only concern is that you keep the communication lines open to your niece somehow, so you can be of support to her.

 

I am wondering if your sister got some kind of STD.

 

Normally I would say to stay out of their marriage, but if your niece is a minor and is burdened with that information then you might think about telling your sister that she needs to tell her husband, or you will do so. It is extremely unhealthy for your niece to be burdened with that info.

The niece is an adult.

My niece is 25 ... it seems my sister has turned out to be super passive aggressive and when my niece told her how much this has messed her up my sister starting bringing up things my niece has done in the past and accused her too of being judgemental !!!!

I am torn with being so angry at my sister and I also realised that she has a way of making people feel bad with her passive aggressive behaviour

It’s all a mess that is making me ill

My niece is 25 ... it seems my sister has turned out to be super passive aggressive and when my niece told her how much this has messed her up my sister starting bringing up things my niece has done in the past and accused her too of being judgemental !!!!

I am torn with being so angry at my sister and I also realised that she has a way of making people feel bad with her passive aggressive behaviour

It’s all a mess that is making me ill

That's awful

OP, you said that this is new behavior for your sister. Usually this type of personality is ingrained. Are you now recognizing that she may not have been the angel that you knew before this happened.

Are you still second guessing communication with this woman? I hope not. Do your parents know?

I think ... looking back ... that she has always been self centred and passive aggressive but I just didn’t notice it

I need to just get on with my life and I guess the reason I am writing here is to try to rid my myself of the bad feeling I have from not supporting her ... but she doesn’t want support, she wants me to collude which I don’t want to

I think ... looking back ... that she has always been self centred and passive aggressive but I just didn’t notice it

 

I need to just get on with my life and I guess the reason I am writing here is to try to rid my myself of the bad feeling I have from not supporting her ... but she doesn’t want support, she wants me to collude which I don’t want to

You own your own buttons. Your sister may be manipulative, but you get to decide whether it needs to work on you.

Nobody can stop you from feeling badly if that's what you choose to do.

Become aware of your own choices in any matter, and if you opt to feel lousy, you can make a better choice about THAT at any time.

Head high, it's a decision.

one of my ex's parents cheated on the other, and they pressured him to hide it. He was a little younger than the niece, but still --- it affects that child's trust in relationships and ruins the relationship with the child and the other parent - it becomes strained -- unless they turn on the cheater. What a louse.

The thing that worries me alot is that I have basically turned my back on my sister and maybe I have lost her forever!! Maybe this guy is perfect for her and they will both hate me for making life so difficult for them !!!!

The thing that worries me alot is that I have basically turned my back on my sister and maybe I have lost her forever!! Maybe this guy is perfect for her and they will both hate me for making life so difficult for them !!!!

Your sister is an adult and is capable of running her own life. I'd move my focus onto being productive in other ares of my life, because your rumination is only harming you and not helping a soul.

Read my sig, and move FORward.

Thank you cat .... I am having a wobble x