Over-thinking, especially after breakup.

Greetings ladies and gentlemen. I found out about this forums and everyone here pretty much seem legitimate serious about their ruined memory lane. I'm new here as well so as I am gonna say it's my first thread too regarding to my situation on a website like this. I'm gonna introduce myself and also then get forward with my situation.

I come from a rough neighborhood where people are involved with gangs, shootings, smuggling etc. It got under controlled a bit due to a good amount of army operations. I faced a lot of different strategies in my life and it was hard.. it was all over on me at a very young age. I was bullied a lot, treated bad by most of ppl I knew, got involved with many screwed up things but I'm glad it is kind of under controlled. I did not used to communicate with people much but once things kind of got alright then I changed too. Got myself a good job as well, things good. For now, I would say that I'm a "gentleman" unless people want to fight and involve me in things that I'm not involved with etc, I don't enjoy that as I've destroyed plenty others who tried doing it with me. I keep things friendly with ppl if their emotions are being shown as how a person should be, you know.. Just keeping it honest and all with everyone, know what I'm saying? No one likes a snitch anyways.

Now lets get straight into my problem regarding to this thread:

It was the month of February, talking to my friends on group chat regarding to something where she added a lot of mutual people we knew. This one girl in mutual group chat we were having, I lowkey started to like her and the vibe she had (little did I know how much of a regret that would be). Me and that girl would talk a lot on group, share interest and pretty much showing interest of being a friend to her. We both start talking privately instead on group, getting more close to each other and all. 2 weeks passed and she already became my crush so as she said that I'm her crush, we both rushed it and got into a relationship really, REALLY EARLY. After we started to "date online", we got to know more about each other and started to get more closer to each other, sharing how she feels and what she holds. Then a time came where I literally f*cking couldn't believe how much of a stupid idiot I am. Soon after 2 months or so, she reveals she's not the same person by her personality as how others expected it to be. She turns out to be a depressive person, highly effected of being clingy and this is worse one.. Suicidal. I still did not wanted to reject her and tried what it takes to keep things 100 with her but she started to ruin things up so as I would sometimes. After 7 months or so, we started to argue a lot and started to fight over unnecessary things which wasn't worth for good, things weren't going fine but we managed and still decided to keep it going.

Now I'm gonna fast forward and and make things a little easier rather than putting so much details. Alright so here comes June 2017, we both started to talk less and I told her I'm having legitimate family problems (as she knew about most of my family problems). Soon, right just after few days I came back, I messaged her, start having a normal conversation as everything be going fine until.. Until this happens. I made a very small sarcastic comment and I was not serious, she took it really seriously then we both got into an argument which bam, ends our relationship for good and we decided to never talk with each other again.

3 months passed, I lowkey be missing her but this is what happened next which literally boiled my blood and I just wish I could f*cking kill her for that, I really wish, for going against me. I checked her profile and she had an opp (my enemy) added on and the fact is she started to talk a lot with him. I have some feelings that she shares what I told her and probably our private stuff. I just sometimes feel like she shouldn't had to f*ck up and keep things straight instead of being immature and all but that's life, it was written.

I wanna completely forget bout her, legitimately, I don't want her but I just wanna completely forget bout her. I tried weed, codeine, everything. Not working out, even brain damage isn't going on point.

To your point of view, how can I get a positive feelings inside my brain cells and forget about killing her, just everything related to her? It hurts when you be getting flashbacks by listening those songs and thinking bout those nostalgic feelings, damn.

I would really love a solution. I don't wanna get into more troubles, already had enough of it.

Much appreciated.

OP, the thoughts you are having are disturbing. I am sure you know this.

Have you ever sought counseling? Being angry at an ex is one thing. Thinking about killing her is something else entirely. Trying to numb it all out with substances doesn't work, as you're seeing. A professional with experience in emotional trauma could help you tremendously. You won't be able to just forget about her - human memory doesn't function like that. But you evidently very desperately need healthy coping strategies to deal with your pain, so that when you do think about her, you don't explode.

Also, I am unclear from your post - did you ever meet her in person?