Should I ask for my furniture & t.v. back?

I have a long thread about my recent breakup. Ex continually lied to me, kept in touch with multiple exGF's, always placed blame elsewhere (it was on them, or I was just insecure, blah-blah-blah).

Part of our issue was one GF he had when we first met, someone he actually had to break up with a month into our exclusivity! I had no idea she even existed, and of course, at the time, I was on Cloud 9 from all of his attention.

That GF had given (loaned) him a bunch of furniture and decorative stuff, as she wanted to put her stamp on his place. So a couple of months into our dating, when she finally realized she was out, and I was in, she asked for her stuff back. He was p*ssed. But it was her stuff! She had so much stuff, she brought a moving van over, and it turns out, all the great furniture he had was hers!

I happened to have some furniture I was going to donate, including a very nice couch, some end tables, and later on, I brought over a nice LG flat-screen t.v. when his went out.

About a week ago, I did text him to ask for the t.v. back, and he asked if he could buy it from me. I stupidly said "How about a $50 Amazon gift card?" and he agreed. I have not seen the gift card, nor are we speaking.

So here's the question: My city was devastated by the recent hurricane, and there are many families in need. I'd love to get that couch, tables, and t.v. and donate them.

Should I ask him for these things back? I would just have a charity truck pull up to his place and take it right to a furniture bank.

Or does that violate NC and possibly set me back? I could definitely have someone else (a friend, etc.) do this so I'm not even there.

Or should I just let him keep it, and say good riddance?

You mention donating them to him, so I'm guessing you didn't stipulate it was only temporary. Personally, I'm a proponent of returning expensive gifts, or at least offering to, but with lifestyle gifts like furniture or a TV, I think it's best to consider them forfeited. I mean you could feel free to ask, I suppose. I don't think he'll take it seriously enough to warrant blowing NC, though.

I think you need to stop looking for reasons to talk to him, chalk up the loss which isn't much of a loss if you were going to get rid of them anyway and just move on. Forget he exists, like seriously, just delete him from your life. He doesn't deserve anything else but your cold silence.

I agree. The drama involved in arranging the pick up and then getting the tv back are really not worth it.

Chalk it up to experience and stay away from guys that can't furnish their own place...

Lost

I agree. The drama involved in arranging the pick up and then getting the tv back are really not worth it.

 

Chalk it up to experience and stay away from guys that can't furnish their own place...

 

 

Lost

^ Amen!!!!

If you can let them go, consider it a donation toward world peace. ;-) Imagine in the bigger big picture, there will be less drama/conflict created if you let him keep it and move on which will radiate out into the world and have a ripple effect.

I'm sorry about the hurricane, and hope for a positive recovery for all.

Yes, chalk it up to experience and move on. Contacting him will only open old wounds and set you back; there must surely be ways of donating/helping which won't involve creating any drama with someone who ideally you'd be keeping firmly in your past.

I agree. The drama involved in arranging the pick up and then getting the tv back are really not worth it.

 

Chalk it up to experience and stay away from guys that can't furnish their own place...

 

 

Lost

triple yes.

And you were getting rid of the furniture anyhow when you gave it to him in the first place.

Also, for next time, if a guy has a houseful of some other woman's stuff -- maybe he's not ready to date, you know?

Or should I just let him keep it, and say good riddance?

Wow, this guy's got a real racket going! Free furniture! Let him keep the stuff, lest you turn into another one of his orbiting ex-girlfriends still tethered to him through her furniture.

Ok cool, I'll let him just keep the stuff then.

I have no desire to see or talk to him. I was donating other items and frankly, there are so many in need right now it's insane.

They never were considered his to keep, and he knew that. We had talked about moving in together, so this stuff was going to be for that. The t.v. especially, as I specifically said he could BORROW it.

Not a big deal. The more NC I am, the less I miss him. So that's good.

Even though this is unfortunate for those in need, the lesser of two evils would be to let it go. Also a bigger concern and hopefully you don't take offense, but unless you put him in the past, you're waltzing down a dead end street.

JMO...

I don't take offense at all! Hey, I realize that when I ask questions, I'll get straight answers that aren't always sugar-coated. It's what I love about this board!

Unless you really need/want those items back for yourself, I'd chalk them up as a loss. I've pursued an ex for furniture that was mine but I truly wanted it back and yeah, it was a pain but I got it back and I'm damn glad I did. But for stuff I didn't care about? Eh, I'd let it go.

Unless you really need/want those items back for yourself, I'd chalk them up as a loss. I've pursued an ex for furniture that was mine but I truly wanted it back and yeah, it was a pain but I got it back and I'm damn glad I did. But for stuff I didn't care about? Eh, I'd let it go.

Thanks, agreed. I guess I really do want it back as a donation, and I have to admit, I'd love the tax write-off.

But I think I'll just chalk it up to part of the loss of the relationship.

Honestly, if it was the other way around, and I had his furniture & t.v., I'd be calling him to find out when he wants to pick it up. Him wanting to keep it, and his ex's stuff prior to me, tells me a lot about him.

Yep, it's a sweet deal for him: get a new girlfriend, fill your house with furniture.

When his ex-GF came to get his stuff, she called him after she got home, to make sure he was ok with everything she took. Even though it was all hers, she wanted him to understand exactly what she took. She then said "It appears you already have a new girlfriend. Let her decorate your place now and put her feminine touch on everything". That struck me as passive-egressive at the time, but now I realize: this is likely part of his M.O. He's definitely impressed with money, and he admitted that one woman he dated prior to me, who was from a very wealthy family, was just a "money play" for him. I know, I know.....why in the world did I stay with this guy?