Is there any hope for me.

Hello all-

My boyfriend and I have been together for what is coming up on two years, at least until last Friday night. We rarely argue, and whenever we have disagreements they are normally resolved quickly and forgotten about. We are both in our junior year of college, but he has always struggled with his classes more than me, despite how intellectual he is. Because the semester has just started, we are seeing each other less than we did over the summer when we basically lived together. I am seeing him less than I am used to, and so I have been more stressed about our relationship because of the toll that is taking on me, but still nothing excessive, just asking him to hang out and do homework with me so we can kill two birds with one stone, or to come see me after work for a few minutes before he goes home for the day. You get the idea. Well within the past week or so, he has not been showing as much excitement or empathy as per usual, and normally he is a very upbeat and energetic person who always shows his emotions around me.

Friday was just the same as every other Friday previously, I went to work and would receive texts from him throughout the day: "How is work?!", "I love you!", etc. Nothing out of the ordinary. I came home that night and showered, painted my nails, danced around to some jazz. Wonderful mood. Thursday night, the evening prior, I had been out at his place and gotten many mosquito bites (we played frisbee and called in the cows and painted his room). So I said, "Hey, when you get off work you should swing by and say hi and bring me some cortizone cream."

So he obliges, and as he sits in my bedroom with me and drinks some water, I try and make plans as I stitch up a hole in my jeans. I try to make plans for his birthday, he says he doesn't care. I try to make plans for the weekend since neither of us work, he doesn't care. This is so out of the ordinary for him, and I so I look at him and say come over here and talk to me about it. So we cuddle and I express my emotions and tell him it's his turn. After a few moments of silence, I look over at him and he is crying. I ask him what's wrong- he cries harder.

So, long story short, he tells me that he loves me so much but he doesn't deserve me. He tells me I'm a genius and deserve someone better, and that he doesn't see a future for us, and that he loves me like a friend but not like a partner. And it hurt so bad. No matter how hard I tried to convince him to stay, that I didn't care about anything in my future except him, he just cried and shook his head. So we are broken up, and I have experienced the worst weekend of my life, officially.

And as mad as I want to be at him, I can't because he is so perfect and even in the end (which was the one thing I never saw happening) he still loved me. And even as he was telling me he saw no future for us and he didn't love me, I got every feeling telling me that he still did. I don't know whats going on with him and I am so concerned, so worried, and lost because he was the man I was going to marry.

I am keeping my distance for now, hoping he will come to his senses and realize how much he misses me. I've lost ten pounds over the past three days because I can't keep anything down (and i was skinny to begin with), and everywhere I go reminds me of him and I can't seem to stop crying. More than anything I want him to come back and hold me and say he's sorry. And that would be all it took. But I don't know what is going on in his head or what he is going through, but whatever is happening with him is something he clearly needs to work out. I feel like dying just thinking about losing him and I feel like I'm walking in a dream. Every time a truck drives by I run to the window hoping it's him.

I need some serious help- both planning in how to get him back and dealing with my grief.

Thank you.

I am really sorry, OP. I can imagine this came as quite a shock.

Unfortunately, when someone tells you they don't love you anymore and don't see a future, you need to believe them. For whatever reason, he has had a change of heart. Looking back, what types of things did you two argue over, when arguments happened? You say you've noticed over the last week or so that he's been distant - can you pinpoint anything that might have happened? My feeling is he either did something he shouldn't have and doesn't have the heart to tell you, or he's in fact been having doubts for a while and tried to put on a happy face until he just couldn't anymore.

If it was down to school stress and other such issues, he likely would have said so. He's telling you his feelings have changed, which is a biggie. That doesn't mean it's impossible that he'll return. He might. But you can't "get him back", so to speak. That's something he would need to come to on his own.

For now, try to take care of yourself, hard as that is. Please make sure you're taking in enough calories. Have some protein shakes or other nutritional, supplement-style drinks. Cry when you need to, write it all out. I find writing very cathartic. Come here and vent. It will be a confusing and rocky few weeks ahead, but there are always people around here to listen. You have my sympathies, girl.

That's an excellent answer there from MissCanuck. His behaviour is baffling, and you can't even get mad at him, can you, with all the crying and "I don't deserve you".

Somewhere along the line his feelings started to change. If he says I love you as a friend but not as a partner it means he has lost sexual interest in you. Did you have sex lately, and did you see a change in frequency and quality? Loss of sexual interest is generally directly related to excessive exposure to each other. He basically knows you too well, all the holes in your jeans so to say, you are not as exciting to him any more. See, we need to keep our distance and have life of our own and enjoy it. He should't be the central stage in your life, as he seems to be. You asking him just to swing by and say hi after work is basally being needy. Needy behaviour kills attraction. I know, I know we all get needy, and want our partner to be there for us etc. but it kills attraction as it promotes habituation (taking you for granted basically).

There is ton of literature on how to get a guy back. You, the intellectual girl, should look into it asap. Check out Matthew Hussey, Gregg Michelson materials on getting a guy back. They are dating coaches, and I like what they have to say. MH stuff is a bit pricey, but GM books on Amazon are very affordable.

Good luck!

We had sex the day before he broke up with me. And he was th one who wanted it.

We had sex the day before he broke up with me. And he was th one who wanted it.

So you're saying that you don't want to have sex with him? Maybe that's one of the issues. Sex is a biggie for guys. They want a girl - long term - who enjoys sex with them just as much as they do sex with her, and who is not faking it.

That's not what I said. I just said he was the one who asked for it this time, ironically since he broke up with me the next day.

I think he just lost it, still cares, but no love. I don't think he is going to change and it hurts me.

I think he just lost it, still cares, but no love. I don't think he is going to change and it hurts me.

My heart goes out to you. I've always found it helpful to avoid trying to predict outcomes. I latch onto a belief that if we were ever a meant-to-be deal, we'll both meet on higher ground someday, and that motivates me to try to get to that place myself.

I make it a private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back and create a fabulous future for myself. That's my percentage play, because it 'works' no matter the outcome. If ex ever wants to reconcile, I've built enough strength and autonomy to cross that bridge with a higher perspective. If not, I've built strength and autonomy and perspective that I never owned before.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

Oh no...you sound like a really sweet girl. I've been there and we all have. I suspect that if you somehow can gather the inner bad-ass and make a plan to try to tackle the parts of your life that need work - whatever they are - you can put that action-mind to use in a productive way. I mean, reconnect with friends, READ (read relationship books!!), do activities, make yourself as hot as possible, etc. I really do think that if he doesn't hear ANYTHING from you, he will get in touch with you within the next two months. Just whatever you do.....keep your pride. That is literally the BEST strategy, for this situation and life in general.

But, that doesn't mean you should just get back with him when and if he gets in touch. I literally don't know ONE situation where a guy broke up with a girl and didn't come back with his tail between his legs. Sometimes the relationship didn't work out later, sometimes it did, but if you keep your pride you're golden.