Have you Ever ghosted on a date? What would you do?

Okay so there's this girl I have only been out on 2 dates with so far over the span of roughly like 5 weeks (with 2 of those weeks being one where she traveled away for the weekend) so we couldn't really meet up on the weekdays due to time issues.

Now I'm no dating guru but I'm also not a dating rookie either and I know once a person starts giving you the "I'm always busy" line then you're on the titanic at that point and you kinda know where things are headed. Down!

The 2 dates we had went well and I was the one to call it a night both times and even kissed her on the second date and while I won't go into it full on details about things I did after that second date I will say that I kinda did some things that might've turned her off after that second date (like trying too hard to impress her).

With that said........ I had asked her out and she gave me the she has a busy weekend line so she can't but........ then said "maybe next weekend?"

Now under normal circumstances if a girl says she's busy and doesn't offer a counter day then I just cut her off because I know she's not serious. But what makes this hard is the ambiguous maybe next weekend which is a counter off albeit a vague one. So I just replied with okay next weekend could work but that seeing as its far off we could touch base some time during the week when we have a better understanding of our schedule to make definite plans.

I have come to the realization that perhaps right now just might not be the best time for me and her connecting, and sometimes its better to let things calm down and try again another time than try to force the issue.

So while I could just ghost her and act like she never existed which would most likely be common to do after just going out twice with someone but I did enjoy and like the time spent with her when we were out.

Alright so with the realization mentioned above I had thought about just ghosting & forgetting her like she never even existed seeing as she's not necessarily making thing smooth either

and my other train of thought is saying to go a different route than that. To just be honest with her and let her know that while I had a great time with her it just doesn't seem like its our time at the moment and that if anything changes in the future we can always revisit things and try to reconnect again. (Of course I don't plan on ever reaching out to her again so it would have to be her initiating it)

So my question to you guys - what words would you choose to say and exactly how would you frame it to let her know that while I don't exactly have time to waste I also leave the door open for possibly something in the future

schedule her now. her weekends get planned in advance. its just how it is.

schedule her now. her weekends get planned in advance. its just how it is.

I understand what you're saying but when I did ask her out for the weekend I did so on a Wednesday which I feel like is fair enough and I cal also accept the fact that she has plans as well so I wasn't angry or upset or anything. It was cool!

But where I do take issue is that I have already asked her out twice and for one reason or another we never made it out. I usually have a 2 rule policy where I ask a girl out and if whatever reason it doesn't happen then it's no longer in my hands at that point and I'd rather let her come to me when she's ready than go running around chasing after her like a chicken with its head cut off.

So that's why I'm trying to figure out what to say and how to say (if I even should) to let her know that while I'm not going to waiting around for her I'm also open to the possibility that it could just be wrong timing for us at this moment

i am not sure i follow your post. and i read it twice! haha! Do you want to go out again?

If you do, then just ask her again. she said maybe next weekend? and she is probably waiting to hear from you.

How do you really feel? uneasy and nervous that she is ghosting you? which is making you feel like you have to hurry up and plan to dump her?

as it stands now you may not hear from her and if you do, it is because you asked her out and she is answering you. but then you turn around and say it's not a good time? and maybe some time in the future?

think about that. the shoe was on the other foot- you call her bc she asked you out and you are calling to form up the plans. she tells you, she had a good time but maybe it's not working, to be honest, maybe in the future you'll try again?

What you going to say? You are going to be confused and probably get off the phone fast.

If you really feel like she is ghosting you, just lay low. if or when she calls, decide to go out or don't. planning to teach her a lesson or to save face is not going to make anything in the future possible. all it's going to is end it. which is the same result as ghosting without the awkward conversation.

Go for what you want or just walk away. don't create drama.

I figure that, if you asked her out, and she was busy, but suggested, "maybe next weekend", I would put it back on her and say: Sure, sounds good. If you're available that weekend, just let me know. Have a great week!". Essentially, you're letting her know to get in contact with you if she's available and interested. I wouldn't bother chasing her anymore. You've made your intentions and interest clear.

Until and unless you hear from her again, I'd move on. If you hear from her again, you can decide what to do then.

I understand what you're saying but when I did ask her out for the weekend I did so on a Wednesday which I feel like is fair enough and I cal also accept the fact that she has plans as well so I wasn't angry or upset or anything. It was cool!

 

But where I do take issue is that I have already asked her out twice and for one reason or another we never made it out. I usually have a 2 rule policy where I ask a girl out and if whatever reason it doesn't happen then it's no longer in my hands at that point and I'd rather let her come to me when she's ready than go running around chasing after her like a chicken with its head cut off.

 

So that's why I'm trying to figure out what to say and how to say (if I even should) to let her know that while I'm not going to waiting around for her I'm also open to the possibility that it could just be wrong timing for us at this moment

However far in advance a man tries to get on my calendar tells me (1) that he is willing to secure that time without FOMO and (2) that he recognizes I am busy. I might say yes, even if I normally wouldn't put him on my calendar that far in advance, because I am complimented by his advance planning.

Wednesday is fair to middlin in terms of "time enough". By Wednesday, I already have a few maybes brewing, and now you are thrown in the pot like everyone else. 10 days in advance, you go on my calendar in ink.

At the risk of appearing uncool, I suppose, I would text or call (I like text, other people like voice - you have to decide that part), SusieQ, this Saturday the 23rd (?) is the wine festival at O'Brien's Farm. If you are available, how about I pick you up at 11, so we can get there in time for lunch, music, and the wine tastings? \

Just go for it. It is charming to be asked properly.

I figure that, if you asked her out, and she was busy, but suggested, "maybe next weekend", I would put it back on her and say: Sure, sounds good. If you're available that weekend, just let me know. Have a great week!". Essentially, you're letting her know to get in contact with you if she's available and interested. I wouldn't bother chasing her anymore. You've made your intentions and interest clear.

 

Until and unless you hear from her again, I'd move on. If you hear from her again, you can decide what to do then.

If he did this back to me, I wouldn't bother calling him back. I moved the ball an increment by saying next weekend; he can move the ball by saying "Sunday brunch?" Also, when he asks her out, tell her how he intends to spend her time. Not just "How is Saturday, then?" Rather, "On Saturday, I'd like to go see The Lumberjacks at Milly's Tavern. Would you be up for that?"

I figure that, if you asked her out, and she was busy, but suggested, "maybe next weekend", I would put it back on her and say: Sure, sounds good. If you're available that weekend, just let me know. Have a great week.

That is probably what and how I should've framed it but my reply to her

Was along the lines of "sure next wkend could work, let's get in touch mid week once we know our schedules better to make solid plans" which I feel still kinda puts it on me to contact her.

The way you framed was so much better because then it's all entirely up to her to decide what she wants.

So what I'll do now I guess is I'll decide whether to follow up & get in touch with her one last final time or just take the L, learn my lesson for future similar situation & keep it moving

That is probably what and how I should've framed it but my reply to her

Was along the lines of "sure next wkend could work, let's get in touch mid week once we know our schedules better to make solid plans" which I feel still kinda puts it on me to contact her.

 

The way you framed was so much better because then it's all entirely up to her to decide what she wants.

 

So what I'll do now I guess is I'll decide whether to follow up & get in touch with her one last final time or just take the L, learn my lesson for future similar situation & keep it moving

Under the circumstances, and because you suggested touching base mid-week to confirm, I would still follow through with it and contact her. You should stick to your word here since you suggested it. Her response will be telling.

I think I'm missing where you were ghosted? Sounds more like trouble with scheduling?

I think I'm missing where you were ghosted? Sounds more like trouble with scheduling?

I was asking if it would be appropriate for me to just ghost the girl after several attempts at trying to schedule something for us going out & her not being available or go the other route of leaving the ball in her court to get in touch with me in the future once her schedule clears up,

I guess either way it's the same thing. One just takes the more courteous approach & the other is more cold & direct.

Just want to make sure I'm not misunderstanding. Have you contacted her more than once following your two dates to schedule a third date, but she hasn't been able to make it?

Just want to make sure I'm not misunderstanding. Have you contacted her more than once following your two dates to schedule a third date, but she hasn't been able to make it?

Yes during date 2 she told me she'd be away for 2 weekends in a row & so I tried to schedule something to see her during the weekday but that didn't workout last minute because she said it was too far away....

So we didn't have any contact for 2 weeks until Wednesday when I contacted her to set something up for us. She replied the next day saying her weekend is packed & then listed all the various things she had to do, then she ended the text with a "maybe next weekend?"

Then I gave her my reply about us touching base mid week to see if the wkends are free for both us then we can proceed to make definite plans.... but she hasn't replied back (she usually replies back to texts a day or two later, but first time we met she did say that she doesn't like texting) so I try not to worry about that aspect.

All in all she hasn't really been super easy to communicate with aside from when we are actually on dates so there's all types of things to consider if it's even worth putting forth the time & energy to pursue things to be honest.

In the time span of first taking to her I've been out on 4 other dates with other girls that have just been easier to arrange & make plans with so I'm not really sure what it is about this girl that has me intrigued so much....

I was asking if it would be appropriate for me to just ghost the girl after several attempts at trying to schedule something for us going out & her not being available or go the other route of leaving the ball in her court to get in touch with me in the future once her schedule clears up

Ah, got it. Sorry I mixed up your post with another I think. There seems to be a trend where things are posted in clusters and they tend to be very similar in topics so again sorry for my confusion.

Ghosting is wrong, it takes two seconds to say 'I'm not interested'. After a couple of dates is it required? No, but it's nice so it's up to you. But if you're 'ghosting' her because of a lack of interest on her part is it even ghosting? No offense meant at all, but will she even notice if you stop writting her?

I went on a date with a guy once, who after conversing with him, I realized I had very very little interest in dating. He tried to make plans for a second date and while I was willing to go to give it another chance, I wasn't exactly eager, which probably showed in my responses, so he stopped responding. I kid you not, I didn't notice for a week 😂.

If her interest in you is in fact low, 'ghosting' her won't give you the response I think you want which is her reaching out to you. She won't care and if she is indeed interested your playing games may chase her away. A dude playing mind games after a few dates is a red flag in my book, I'd be weary of him attempting to manipulate me in other ways.

You can't force it. The spark is either going to be there or it won't. It's up to you whether or not you want to give this girl a chance, put her on the back burner, or walk away. But if you walk away, just walk away.

Ah, got it. Sorry I mixed up your post with another I think. There seems to be a trend where things are posted in clusters and they tend to be very similar in topics so again sorry for my confusion.

 

Ghosting is wrong, it takes two seconds to say 'I'm not interested'. After a couple of dates is it required? No, but it's nice so it's up to you. But if you're 'ghosting' her because of a lack of interest on her part is it even ghosting? No offense meant at all, but will she even notice if you stop writting her?

 

I went on a date with a guy once, who after conversing with him, I realized I had very very little interest in dating. He tried to make plans for a second date and while I was willing to go to give it another chance, I wasn't exactly eager, which probably showed in my responses, so he stopped responding. I kid you not, I didn't notice for a week 😂.

 

If her interest in you is in fact low, 'ghosting' her won't give you the response I think you want which is her reaching out to you. She won't care and if she is indeed interested your playing games may chase her away. A dude playing mind games after 1 date is a red flag in my book, I'd be weary of him attempting to manipulate me in other ways.

 

You can't force it. The spark is either going to be there or it won't. It's up to you whether or not you want to give this girl a chance, put her on the back burner, or walk away. But if you walk away, just walk away.

Hey thanks! I take no offense at all, you're just giving me advice!

I think at this point I'm just going to stick to my principles and integrity which is to only ever ask a girl out twice and if it doesn't happen then so be it. In this situation that limit has already been reached & so no matter what I think of her or how much I think I may like her I'll just walk away and let things be....

So we didn't have any contact for 2 weeks until Wednesday when I contacted her to set something up for us. She replied the next day saying her weekend is packed & then listed all the various things she had to do, then she ended the text with a "maybe next weekend?"

 

Then I gave her my reply about us touching base mid week to see if the wkends are free for both us then we can proceed to make definite plans.... but she hasn't replied back

This makes no sense. If experience has taught you that her weekends are already booked by Wednesdays, and she opens the following weekend up to you, why would you put her off until Wednesday again instead of proposing a plan to get on her calendar?

You figured she'd hold her whole weekend open to see what you'd get around to planning on Wednesday?

She probably hasn't replied because her eyeballs are stuck in a roll.

 

You figured she'd hold her whole weekend open to see what you'd get around to planning on Wednesday?

 

And now you're just making assumptions, where did I say that I expect her to hold her weekends for me? That doesn't make any sense either. No one is saying she hold her weekends off for me. She can do whatever she likes..... in fact the first 2 dates we had I was the one accommodating where she told me last minute that she could make it due to circumstances. If anything I've actually had more respect for her time than she has mine. And maybe therein lies the issue afterall....

So please don't come at me like that even though I can't blame you since you're only giving me advice based on the little knowledge you have about the whole bigger picture situation.

again you're making like it was a last minute request on my part. I can see if I'm asking her on a Friday or even the day off.

We already went out twice and both times I made plans for us around the same time & she had no problem "not being busy" then and having time...

I'll leave her alone.... it's just not worth the energy, time & effort.

Okay so there's this girl I have only been out on 2 dates with so far over the span of roughly like 5 weeks (with 2 of those weeks being one where she traveled away for the weekend) so we couldn't really meet up on the weekdays due to time issues.

 

Now I'm no dating guru but I'm also not a dating rookie either and I know once a person starts giving you the "I'm always busy" line then you're on the titanic at that point and you kinda know where things are headed. Down!

 

The 2 dates we had went well and I was the one to call it a night both times and even kissed her on the second date and while I won't go into it full on details about things I did after that second date I will say that I kinda did some things that might've turned her off after that second date (like trying too hard to impress her).

 

With that said........ I had asked her out and she gave me the she has a busy weekend line so she can't but........ then said "maybe next weekend?"

Now under normal circumstances if a girl says she's busy and doesn't offer a counter day then I just cut her off because I know she's not serious. But what makes this hard is the ambiguous maybe next weekend which is a counter off albeit a vague one. So I just replied with okay next weekend could work but that seeing as its far off we could touch base some time during the week when we have a better understanding of our schedule to make definite plans.

 

I have come to the realization that perhaps right now just might not be the best time for me and her connecting, and sometimes its better to let things calm down and try again another time than try to force the issue.

So while I could just ghost her and act like she never existed which would most likely be common to do after just going out twice with someone but I did enjoy and like the time spent with her when we were out.

 

Alright so with the realization mentioned above I had thought about just ghosting & forgetting her like she never even existed seeing as she's not necessarily making thing smooth either

 

and my other train of thought is saying to go a different route than that. To just be honest with her and let her know that while I had a great time with her it just doesn't seem like its our time at the moment and that if anything changes in the future we can always revisit things and try to reconnect again. (Of course I don't plan on ever reaching out to her again so it would have to be her initiating it)

 

So my question to you guys - what words would you choose to say and exactly how would you frame it to let her know that while I don't exactly have time to waste I also leave the door open for possibly something in the future

You've already put so much thought into it that I think you're beyond "ghosting and forgetting." At this point, it would probably be more like "ghosting and stewing." Since you've invested so much thought and time in it already, why don't you try scheduling farther in advance, like maybe a week, or a week and a half? If she's still not amenable, move on.

Okay

1) this woman is busy - she travels a lot lately.

2) You had a good first date (she accepted a second, right?")

3) It seems that date #2 went well.

4) Because you kissed her, i think you are insecure or overly excited.

honestly, what i would have done, is that i would have softballed her about the third date while on the 2nd date. I would have at some point found out other stuff she likes to do. In otherwords figure out what to ask her out to next.

When i called her for a date, i would have contacted her with an actual plan suggestion -- that way she knows you are interested in an activity and not expecting to get in her pants after the kiss.

At this point - chill out. Just touch base mid week like you said you would and come up with two ideas for plans --

DO NOT GHOST HER. If you ask her out again and she turns you down twice without a counteroffer, then don't ask her out again. Remember its just a THIRD DATE. that is all.

I'd still touch base with her like you said you would mid-week. Please don't become one of those people that doesn't follow through.

I get it, dating can be frustrating. Sure, she could have proposed an alternate day (instead of 'maybe next weekend'), and yes she could have said something along the lines of "sounds good! Touch base next week", when you proposed touching base mid-week, but it is, what it is.

If you like this girl, touch base with her on Wednesday (or before then). See if she's up for a meet on the weekend. If she can't, I can then see why you would want to move on.

I'm not big on texting either (while getting to know someone), but it only takes a minute of someone's time to respond and set up a fun date, provided they're interested.

I'd still touch base with her like you said you would mid-week. Please don't become one of those people that doesn't follow through.

 

I get it, dating can be frustrating. Sure, she could have proposed an alternate day (instead of 'maybe next weekend'), and yes she could have said something along the lines of "sounds good! Touch base next week", when you proposed touching base mid-week, but it is, what it is.

 

If you like this girl, touch base with her on Wednesday (or before then). See if she's up for a meet on the weekend. If she can't, I can then see why you would want to move on.

 

I'm not big on texting either (while getting to know someone), but it only takes a minute of someone's time to respond and set up a fun date, provided they're interested.

You know there's way you either think, communicate or talk to people that I can relate to.

I really like your advice because they seem so logical and I think my problem right now is that I am operating from a point of emotion and you know

how that tends to go. I'm usually more level headed than that. Whatever I decide to go with I'll think it through and let live whatever the outcome is and be fine with it.

Thank You!

Okay

 

1) this woman is busy - she travels a lot lately.

2) You had a good first date (she accepted a second, right?")

3) It seems that date #2 went well.

4) Because you kissed her, i think you are insecure or overly excited.

 

honestly, what i would have done, is that i would have softballed her about the third date while on the 2nd date. I would have at some point found out other stuff she likes to do. In otherwords figure out what to ask her out to next.

 

When i called her for a date, i would have contacted her with an actual plan suggestion -- that way she knows you are interested in an activity and not expecting to get in her pants after the kiss.

 

At this point - chill out. Just touch base mid week like you said you would and come up with two ideas for plans --

 

DO NOT GHOST HER. If you ask her out again and she turns you down twice without a counteroffer, then don't ask her out again. Remember its just a THIRD DATE. that is all.

I wouldn't say insecure...... but I think it's just that I went out of my way the two times we went out just to accommodate whatever she had going on in her life when she contacted me last minute to green light the dates and then to feel like she doesn't respect my time I is the part that grinds my gears a bit I guess. But that's not her fault, she didn't make do it, I chose to do it so I need to correct that from now on as far as my future interactions with her.

If you can put yourself in my shoes and you went out of your way for a date twice and the guy does the opposite - would you continue to pursue him and doing that to yourself?

I wouldn't say insecure...... but I think it's just that I went out of my way the two times we went out just to accommodate whatever she had going on in her life when she contacted me last minute to green light the dates and then to feel like she doesn't respect my time I is the part that grinds my gears a bit I guess. But that's not her fault, she didn't make do it, I chose to do it so I need to correct that from now on as far as my future interactions with her.

 

If you can put yourself in my shoes and you went out of your way for a date twice and the guy does the opposite - would you continue to pursue him and doing that to yourself?

In the beginning of a relationship i would be too wary of a guy who was too available for me. Even when i started dating my guy -- the first date didn't happen for a few weeks -- then the first few dates were not terribly close together - but as we dated, we saw eachother more because the standing plans we had made with others (not saying other dates, but even friends, other commitments) way prior to meeting started to clear up.

Instead of ghosting her - just accept dates from other women - casual coffee dates and when something pops - if it does -- go out with her again. if you can only see her once every few weeks because she is super booked --- you will gradually see an increase in frequency if she is really interested after a few more dates, and in the meantime, you won't have so much pressure on the situation.

And no - i don't think you get a medal for accommodating her on the first two dates --- in five weeks - she was out of town for two weekends. So you really only had 3 possible weekends and you went out on 2 of those. I don't think that's too bad, actually. If you canceled going to your nephew's birthday party to go out with her -- yeah, then that's too accommodating. Just get to the third date and if communications don't increase after that -- then go from there.

But some relationships have a slow start if people are busy. i would just consider yourself dating and just be more laid back about it.

BTW, did the kiss go well, or did she give you her cheek?

In the beginning of a relationship i would be too wary of a guy who was too available for me. Even when i started dating my guy -- the first date didn't happen for a few weeks -- then the first few dates were not terribly close together - but as we dated, we saw eachother more because the standing plans we had made with others (not saying other dates, but even friends, other commitments) way prior to meeting started to clear up.

 

Instead of ghosting her - just accept dates from other women - casual coffee dates and when something pops - if it does -- go out with her again. if you can only see her once every few weeks because she is super booked --- you will gradually see an increase in frequency if she is really interested after a few more dates, and in the meantime, you won't have so much pressure on the situation.

 

And no - i don't think you get a medal for accommodating her on the first two dates --- in five weeks - she was out of town for two weekends. So you really only had 3 possible weekends and you went out on 2 of those. I don't think that's too bad, actually. If you canceled going to your nephew's birthday party to go out with her -- yeah, then that's too accommodating. Just get to the third date and if communications don't increase after that -- then go from there.

 

But some relationships have a slow start if people are busy. i would just consider yourself dating and just be more laid back about it.

 

BTW, did the kiss go well, or did she give you her cheek?

I certainly don't think I should get any praise or medal for it because it's just my personality and nature (meaning I'd do it for anybody in that situation NOT just her) so I guess it's just me holding her to an unfair standard if that's not necessarily how she is as a person.

I'm more of a patient and understand person in general.

Both dates went well as far as I can tell. I called it a night on both and get the feeling they could've went longer and yea the kiss went well.....

OP, to answer your original question, after only one or two dates, if you don't wish to move forward for whatever reason it's not rude to "ghost" in my opinion.

If you've been regularly dating where the expectation is that you will continue to date, then the proper thing would be to send a short text letting the other know you don't wish to pursue further and wish them well.

I just did that with a man I had 7 dates with.

That said, I think you are way overthinking all of this.

You've had two dates so the investment should be very low.

You have asked her out again, she's been busy. Fair enough.

On your last attempt to schedule something, she responded back with she's busy this weekend, but "maybe next week?"

Her "maybe" is very telling, she's not saying she is available next weekend and she's not saying she's not.

It's "maybe." Ugh

In my world, "maybe" means "no" but in this case it may mean she's on the fence.

Like she will consider it if nothing better comes along. Again just my opinion. I can't stand maybe's.

No biggee again it's only been two dates. Low investment.

Just be cool. Wait a bit and respond back with, "sounds good, have a great weekend." Or something like that.

Let her wonder about you a bit, it will increase her attraction. As again currently it appears she's on the fence about you.

Touch base with her next week and try one more time.

If she gives you another "I'm busy," or "maybe" then walk away fur good, no need to tell her, just don't contact her again. Once again, it's only been two dates, very low investment.

In the meantime, pursue other options, which hopefully you have so you're not so focused on this one girl, or any one girl, until such time you've been dating awhile, feelings are reciprocated, and you become exclusive.

Good luck.