Is my boy friend potentially a physical abuser?

We have been dating for 7-8 months. And we had some time being separately because I left him as he wasn't really careful with his words. He implied me I'm over sensitive and very fragile.

In general we have a great chemistry , can discuss some things seriously, lived for 2 moths together , but still there some hints which are worrying me. I'd like to outline some situations and interested in your opiniones:

1. he saw my drawing and reacted like "oh you are an artist" and when I said ironically "even my teacher in drawing school said you good at seeing colors like it's inherited ability or granted naturally."And added "hoped it wasn't flattery." He reacted like "do you have a good eye doctor there. She should check her vision". Plus added "I just like teasing you"

2. I'm an Asian, he is French and in the beginning he could say smth like "you can't smile and open your eyes at the same time", "your eyes are very small " and those ones which I've never paid much attention but additionally it changes my mind on his personality

3. When we were in Paris I asked like "do they have some streets for sexual pleasures like in Amsterdam" he answered "they don't need if someone has paid for the girlfriend which makes her somehow a hooker" and added (to save the situation apparently "you are my personal one")

4. It's obvious for him making such comments "who is the most handsome here", "it's me", "look who is hotter here" and etc. And he says that it's all about me taking everything too seriously. But I heard from his ex girl friend that he beat her up couple of times badly when she was trying to leave him

5. Now we are living in different cities and he insisting on moving together. So I'm still not sure. From the one hand he is funny and serious in his intentions. From the other , these hints may transform into physical abuse later ...

6. Sorry for my English if I did mistakes, it's not my native language and sorry if the story seemed to be easy and clear, I'm 22 and it's my first serious relationship (he is 31)

There isn't one thing there that tell me he will be physically abusive , I have no idea how you have come up with that , and why are you getting his history from his ex ? Has it occurred to you she might be bitter and angry ? He suddenly only used violence when she wanted to leave and beat her up . Nothing about this adds up at all .

While my experience with the French has not been the greatest over the years, some that I have met have spoken rather like how you describe, and can be quite demeaning at times, but then some have been lovely.

My question for you is: What is your instinct telling you?

From your post, it seems like your body is giving you a warning about him that you might not be a good match.

While this may be his sense of humour, if it grates on you, then perhaps you have incompatible senses of humor.

How did you hear from his ex-girlfriend? If what she said is true, then I would be wary of him.

because usually physical and verbal abuse are related. and he mentioned like he went crazy in previous relationship and the girl was super patient

My brains are telling me to run away, that I won't be happy with him, and heart is opposite. I asked her directly in fb (it was when I completely broke up with him and I admit it's not normal). But she was super adequate and said like 'I've heard he is seeing you and the only thing I was thinking he doesn't treat you like that"

Follow your gut is the best advice then .

I would be weary of him being a potential physical abuser because 1) his ex said he was and 2) he said to you he went "a little crazy". Did he elaborate on that crazy bit?

I never thought my father would have been a physical abuser until just recently. He always had a temper and during fights/disagreements it would be the worst; throwing items and lots of emotional/mental/verbal abuse. Then one day an argument was so bad on his side that he became physically abusive to me. He even told other people about it and minimized the physical abuse aspect completely. He said something on the lines of "we got into a tiff, but worked it out". Yeah, suuure we did (sarcasm).

So, have you two had any heated fights yet? Couples eventually have a disagreement. How does he react so far into the relationship?

He didn't, usually when he started to talk about it it appears she is the one who is guilty. Sometimes he admitted she had been very patient with him for a long time. We had fights but he never touched me and I never felt any threaten from his side. But at the same time we have never lived together for a really long time.

I think you need to listen to your brain here and get rid of him. From what you wrote here, he doesn't seem like a very good person. Pushing to move in together too fast too soon is always a warning sign of potential problems. In general, people do not say lightly that they were beaten by their ex, so between that and your personal instinct telling you to run, go ahead and RUN. Right now you are in different cities and it's easy. If you move in together......it might become impossibly difficult. Always trust your instincts when it comes to these kinds of things.

Hello. In my opinion, he is definitely being psychologically abusive to you. Those denigrating remarks he’s made to you are very insulting. Very insulting. Do NOT move in with him. Things will only get worse for you, I predict. Especially if he’s beaten a woman before. I’m with a guy who used to beat his wife, and he has hurt me! (I posted my issue on here just now..) A woman abuser is a woman abuser. They will not change for you. Break up with him. He’s seeing how far he can push you mentally. You’ll lose all if your precious self esteem, like what has happened to me. There are plenty of men out there who will treat you with the respect that you deserve. Trust me

Thoughts are just that..... THOUGHTS. Some are useful, most are not; needn't worry. Be a strong woman. You already have a victim mentality when NOTHING has happened. Look at yourself with love, not contempt; because you are worth it. Whatever will happen will happen, and maybe it seems a scary way to live but this tentative way of thinking is an anxious one, a catalyst for trouble. You cannot control people as much as you'd like to think you can, so don't; simply erase that and live free. Why is it that a victim of abuse will seemingly go from abusive parterre to abusive partner. Are they the most unlucky person in the world? How often do you hear the phrase 'oh I'm just unlucky in love but all my friends have settled down.' Is it really unlucky or may you be your own worst enemy. Sure, there are horrible people out there and some things you can just never foresee or *avoid. However, I believe this victim mentality is a pattern AND you will continue to seek out and experience similar relationships and maybe provoke unfounded abuse with such a mindset. Goodluck.