I just want to die

This pain is unbearable. I've been trying to move on - reaching out to my friends, going out, but I can't seem to shake these feelings of hurt with my ex.

And finding him on Tinder was the dagger that stabbed my heart over and over. I keep obsessing about how he's probably having sex with a lot of women right now. What hurts the most is that he used a couple picture we took during New Year's as his profile picture. This was the same picture he sent me to reminisce our good times when we started talking again for a month.

I just don't want to wake up to these feelings anymore. I just want to die. I'm all alone and no one will love me again.

First, I'm really sorry about your pain. I'm hurting as well (we all are). I absolutely get it and totally sympathize. Please trust that it will get better, because it will.

It's not that easy for a guy on Tinder, trust me. Even if he's spectacularly good looking. As a guy, who, dare I say, has a great profile, I can tell you that I get quite a few matches but conversation is oftentimes awkward, either I lose interest or the girl loses interest, lots of back/forth before an actual date. It's a giant hassle. Take solace in the fact that he's probably and most likely not having sex with a lot of women right now.

Last, if you want to talk to someone, and have thoughts about harming yourself, please call this number: 1-800-273-8255. You are the best thing to ever happen to you, not some guy, and you'll get through this.

Wishing you healing, love and light

I'm so sorry for your pain. We've all been there and I can assure you it does get better. It's OK to feel the way you're feeling. It's part of the healing process. I don't know the circumstances around your relationship/breakup, but obviously he was not the one for you. Please go No Contact and block him from everything if you must. If you want to lay in bed & cry and eat ice cream all day, do it. It WILL get easier.

I had an awful break-up in February of this year. He ended things the day before Valentine's Day. I went through what you're going through. My friend told me to write out emails/letters that I would send to him (but not actually send them to him). I took her advice and did it and it helped me SO much. Maybe that can help? Also, she told me that I needed to learn how to give myself closure since I did not fully get it from him. Writing those emails/letters helped with that.

It is now September and I'm dating a wonderful, kind man who I am falling in love with. I don't know how things will end up with this new guy, but I just want to let you know it DOES get better love.

One word: Just let yourself grief, accept it and embrace it, embrace the pain, feel it, and cherish it...Look my exbf was on tinder while we were still dating, I have forgiven him before, accepted him as he was, accepted all his flaws and loved him unconditionally, only to be tossed away like a ragdoll because "he wants to be alone" and probably wants to date other people... Let him whatever he wants, just think that the only relationship that last forever is the one with yourself. My biggest mistake: Loving someone more than you love yourself.. Nobody is worth that you want to die.. Is very normal you are very hurt, just embrace it and cry and be sad.. Some time later you are just going to get tired of the sadness and then the sun is going to shine again

Oh I so feel for you. I am feeling exactly the same right now. What guts me even more is that up until today (see my post back to square one), I WAS doing better. It still hurt, but I was doing my best to move on. And now back to the same ty suicidal feelings.

Please know you are not alone. We both need to get through this somehow. We both need to believe it will get better and we wont think about them 24/7 or check our phones ever 5 blasted seconds.

Awww! Calm down girl, calm down! All of us have been through this. Break ups sucks! Why won't it?! After all we loved somebody more than our life. Anyway, here's the thing, go on complete NC. Delete him from everywhere., cry as much as you can, stay in bed for any number of days, eat whatever you want to. But don't regret a single thing. He know don't deserve a single attention from you. Trust me, you'll be fine. Mourn over the break up as hard as you want to be. But remember one thing, when you'll get up, you must get up as a whole damn fire.

Vent away your emotions here on ENA. We're here for you.

You will most likely have several loves during your lifetime, so....hang in there. There is more coming your way. :star: chi

Hey there, I'm totally with you on this. I never had a closure with a guy I was dating for 5 months - he was coming onto me in the beginning and just when I was about to be very emotionally invested in him, he withdraw overnight and ignored my texts.

I was genuine with him in the beginning and we met on a dating app - he has hidden alot of information from me and has chosen to ghost on me in the end, leaving me hanging dry. Painful is an understatement and I must admit I do have suicidal thoughts, not because of him, but I've been hurt consecutively 4 times from 4 different guys. It's like being run over the car all over again so trust me when I said I'm with you on this. It's been 1 week since he has started ignoring me without any closure, I'm still coping but I happened to be on holiday and even though I didn't enjoy the trip as much, I was able to talk to the locals and heard their struggles in life. Some are barely making ends meet, but are dealing with it day by day.

You're definitely not alone, we all have our struggles and we're here to support each other. I'm still very much in pain, but I know that its probably better that I feel the pain now than to drag longer. Night time is the worse period for me, I felt alone and abandoned all the time. Hang in there, time will heal and you just got to tell yourself you deserve better. Your life has been great before you met him, so it's still going to be great now that he is no longer interfering in your life.

I went through the same thing that you are going through.

My girlfriend did something similar and she was on Tinder even before I moved out completely.

The thing that you need to realize here is that you got to know his true colors sooner than later.

I had thoughts of dying too.

I have trouble sleeping and end up waking up in every 2-3 hours.

But the thing is that she is gone and she is not coming back.

Just like your boyfriend is not coming back.

First of all you need to remove every hope from your mind and heart that he will come back.

To hell with people like these who do not value you.

Focus on yourself.

Also remember the person that you fell in love with is dead, this is somebody else not them.

And they took away everything with them when they left.

You will get out of this and you have too.

If not for yourself but for all of us who are here supporting you and standing by you.

Your friends and family, everyone is there with you.

Remember this always.

Thank you, everyone. I appreciate you reaching out. I just want to feel happy and normal again. I'm 34, and I feel like I won't be desirable at 35. It sucks to be female.

I think you need to seek counseling. This isnt just about a break up. I have read your posts regarding this guy and Im going to say if I was him, I would be running for the hills. Your relationship was not perfect and in fact it was far from being smooth. Yes you had good moments, but you two met online and he told you that he didnt want a LDR. You two fought, argued and Im sure you confronted him a lot. You even kept tabs on how long he would take to respond to your texts.

I think you are co-dependant and there are a lot more going on than just this break up. You two were never on solid footing to begin with. Please, seek help. A professional can help you sort out the thoughts you have.

Completely agree with No1's advice.

You're going to get through this but it sometimes takes professional help. It takes a lot of strength to take this step but the reward of a healed mind and heart is worth the cost and effort.

He's not finding any matches, especially if he's got a couple's picture on tinder. No worries there lol it SUCKS for guys.

This is going to sound odd, but it's good that you're letting yourself feel this intense pain now. It's awful, I know, but better to accept these feelings and let them out than to deny them.

What steps have you taken today to help you with your healing?

He's not finding any matches, especially if he's got a couple's picture on tinder. No worries there lol it SUCKS for guys.

 

This is going to sound odd, but it's good that you're letting yourself feel this intense pain now. It's awful, I know, but better to accept these feelings and let them out than to deny them.

 

What steps have you taken today to help you with your healing?

He cropped me out =( That's like, the most cruel thing you could ever do. To upload a picture where I am cropped out and use that as your main picture on a dating site.

I know I should just kill any hope out there, but I'm wondering if he ever really loved me. Everything that he had been saying and doing for a month - that he wanted to see where we would go, and that our relationship was cut short because of my internship - was all lies.

I am trying my best to move on. I know this obsession is unhealthy. I think I may need professional help, but I can't afford it since I'm in grad school. This is the worst time to go through this, as companies are interviewing candidates in my school for post-grad jobs, and instead of researching companies, I'm here posting about my problems.

I think being around people helps me forget about the pain, even for just a little bit. I moved to a new place about 3 weeks ago, and my stuff - the stuff that we shared when we lived together - is still in boxes. I can't seem to get myself motivated to do anything at all. I've been losing weight, not much of an appetite, sometimes I feel like I should just stop eating so my heart will stop beating and feeling.

So what if he cropped you out? You two are not together and if he wants to crop you out then he can. It is nothing personal, he is posting pictures on a dating site which means he is moving on or has moved on from the relationship. He is not erasing the time with you, not forgetting the memories you two made, it means he is putting himself out there to date. And here is a news flash, he is going to date, kiss and have sex with another girl. This is not against you. He is taking control of his life.

Why are you even looking at his dating profile? I know you are following him still and yes that is unhealthy for you. Now, you are asking what a lot of people ask 'did he really love me?' You know the answer to that already. And instead of going back and analyzing the past conversations and picking out lies, why cant you accept the current moment and that is he just didnt want to be in a relationshp with you any more. There doesnt have to be a reason why because you could have all the love in the world but it does take two and if the other person doesnt want to be in it, then its doomed, Im sorry.

Instead of focusing on what you dont have, look at what you do have. 1. you are in grad school 2. You are attractive 3. You attracted a guy before, you can attract another one. 4. you now have room in your life for someone better. Closing the chapter doesnt mean you have to let go of the memories, just the relationship.

So what if he cropped you out? You two are not together and if he wants to crop you out then he can. It is nothing personal, he is posting pictures on a dating site which means he is moving on or has moved on from the relationship. He is not erasing the time with you, not forgetting the memories you two made, it means he is putting himself out there to date. And here is a news flash, he is going to date, kiss and have sex with another girl. This is not against you. He is taking control of his life.

 

Why are you even looking at his dating profile? I know you are following him still and yes that is unhealthy for you. Now, you are asking what a lot of people ask 'did he really love me?' You know the answer to that already. And instead of going back and analyzing the past conversations and picking out lies, why cant you accept the current moment and that is he just didnt want to be in a relationshp with you any more. There doesnt have to be a reason why because you could have all the love in the world but it does take two and if the other person doesnt want to be in it, then its doomed, Im sorry.

 

Instead of focusing on what you dont have, look at what you do have. 1. you are in grad school 2. You are attractive 3. You attracted a guy before, you can attract another one. 4. you now have room in your life for someone better. Closing the chapter doesnt mean you have to let go of the memories, just the relationship.

I'm not following his profile. Tinder doesn't let you do that. I just came across his profile, took a quick look at the pictures he posted, didn't even see what he wrote, then swiped left so I didn't have to see it again. It was so traumatic and cathartic, I literally felt as if someone stabbed me in the stomach.

I don't understand why people could say "dating other people isn't against you." I mean, sure, it's not against me, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Never said it didnt hurt. Heartbreak sucks and yes in deed it does hurt. No body likes rejection and I have yet to meet someone that does. I know that seeing your X out there seeking others hurts. Im aware of the pain that it causes. I know it brings up tons of questions that youll ask over and over again. Been there and I have the T-shirt to prove it. Thats why one must break things down to simplicity. He broke up with you because he no longer wanted to be with you and accept the now which is, you are him are not together and he is not coming back. If you can accept that basic answer, then you can begin to move on. No questions on why he does things, no questions as to if he loved you or if it was ever real. You two dated, you two created some great memories but he just didnt see you in his future plans. Simplicity.

In most cases people moving on from a relationship itsnt personal to the X. In some cases some guys do use it to get the other person jealous or get even, or puposly hurt someone. In this case, your X had emotionally checked out and moved on from the relationship long before the break up happened. He is not out there to say F-U or to hurt you. He is on dating sites to see other people, to make himself happy, to see whats out there.

Again, I know it hurts. You will get thru it. You should be focued on what you have to do. School, job and make you happy. Dont ever depend on a guy to make you happy. A relationship is to enhance and add to your happiness, not of making you happy.

In most cases people moving on from a relationship itsnt personal to the X. In some cases some guys do use it to get the other person jealous or get even, or puposly hurt someone. In this case, your X had emotionally checked out and moved on from the relationship long before the break up happened. He is not out there to say F-U or to hurt you. He is on dating sites to see other people, to make himself happy, to see whats out there.

 

Again, I know it hurts. You will get thru it. You should be focued on what you have to do. School, job and make you happy. Dont ever depend on a guy to make you happy. A relationship is to enhance and add to your happiness, not of making you happy.

If he had moved on, why did he try to constantly text me for a month after 1.5 months of NC? He was saying he felt our relationship was "cut short", he felt like we were robbed of a good relationship, and I would've been his forever if it weren't for the uncertainty of post-grad, kept sending me pictures of us together when we were a couple, to reminisce, calling me by my pet name, telling me that once I got back to town, I would be his permanently, etc. Kept saying this and doing these despite the fact that I told him I wasn't interested in an FWB situation with him, and he said that's not what he wanted either. This is what's confusing to me. I mean, that doesn't like someone who had emotionally checked out of the relationship before the break up happened.

It's hard to go from that to cricket silence and I'm left with all these questions and uncertainties.

He cropped me out =( That's like, the most cruel thing you could ever do. To upload a picture where I am cropped out and use that as your main picture on a dating site.

Girls will see that he's cropped someone out on tinder, and it will still suck for him. Still, awful that he did that. More of a stupid move on his part than a malicious one.

I'm wondering if he ever really loved me

If you had a loving relationship, I'd avoid falling into the "he never loved me because it's over" mindset. Feelings change. His did.

I think I may need professional help, but I can't afford it since I'm in grad school.

Check and see if your university / college has a counseling center. Many colleges nowadays do have these resources and offer them at low prices for students.

I can't seem to get myself motivated to do anything at all. I've been losing weight, not much of an appetite, sometimes I feel like I should just stop eating so my heart will stop beating and feeling.

You are dealing with depression. It sucks, and I'm so sorry you are going through it. When we are depressed, it often feels like we have 20 lb weights on each of our limbs, keeping us from doing anything. The way out is to force yourself to get out there, improve yourself, talk to compassionate friends, and try to have fun.

What things did you do in the relationship that you think you could improve upon? List those things out and decide a strategy on how to improve them for your next relationship. How do you feel about your physical appearance? Go to the gym, go for a run, etc. and feel better about yourself.

One thing I tried recently is to keep a daily achievements list. Throughout, or at the end of the day, I would list all of the things I did that day that I was happy I did (i.e. "had a conversation with Claire, who is really cute, and made her laugh," "ran 2 miles today," "vacuumed the room," or "bought healthy meals for myself today." Simple, though ultimately a strategy that wires the brain to think of productivity and success.

If he had moved on, why did he try to constantly text me for a month after 1.5 months of NC? He was saying he felt our relationship was "cut short", he felt like we were robbed of a good relationship, and I would've been his forever if it weren't for the uncertainty of post-grad, kept sending me pictures of us together when we were a couple, to reminisce, calling me by my pet name, telling me that once I got back to town, I would be his permanently, etc. Kept saying this and doing these despite the fact that I told him I wasn't interested in an FWB situation with him, and he said that's not what he wanted either. This is what's confusing to me. I mean, that doesn't like someone who had emotionally checked out of the relationship before the break up happened.

 

It's hard to go from that to cricket silence and I'm left with all these questions and uncertainties.

Could be many reasons. I will mention a few. I don't think any of it will relieve your thirst for answers but I hope they can help. You asked why he contacted you and called you pet names and so on. I myself have done exactly what he has done and is doing and seen a lot of guys and girls do the same thing too. One possibility is that he is melting his guilt away knowing that you are there and that you will be okay. He could be softening the blow by contacting you and boosting your confidence and perhaps giving you hope, but not committing to anything. He calls you pet names because calling you by your real name really finalizes the relationship. If I have been calling you Boo Bear for years then I have to call you Lisa, then it really hits home that you have drawn that line, that it is final and calling you by your pet name is making you feel better.

Another reason why is because he likes to know that you still care and you are still out there. Now, not saying this is happening because I'm not talking to the guy, but in a way, he is leaving the door open for his return if he never needs it. In other words, he is not burning his bridges.

To answer your question.. Yes, he can talk to you like that after he has checked out of the relationship because he has no emotion invested and he cant be hurt. Now in truth, I'm sure he is going to miss you, but it doesn't mean he wants to be with you. He has pulled away and if that's what he wants, then let him go. It is okay to not have every answer and you will have to learn to let your questions go. What was said in the past or past promises no longer matter. The chapter has to be closed so you can begin a new one.

YOu will be happy again, you will fall in love and you will create new memories, just with a different person.

I was cropped out of a photo from a breakup years ago, and it hurt a LOT. I totally get how you feel about that! Like, out of 8 million ways to get a photo of yourself, and you choose to crop your girlfriend out of one? I'm sorry, but I think that's awful. I see a lot of guys' profiles where I can tell there's a woman cropped out; you can even see he has what's left of his arm around her shoulder. Seriously? It's 2017. Selfie, people. I went out with a guy a couple of years ago who broke it off with me to get engaged to his then-broken-up girlfriend (whole other story). Engagement didn't work out, so now, he's back online, but his main photo has her blond curls literally touching his face. He tried to crop it so close, his face is huge in the photo. It's so stupid. Um, point the phone at yourself and click the little button, moron.