Is this normal behavior?

[Binz86]

Hey I am new to this but here goes... I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, we have a baby together and also live together. He works out of town a lot so I don't get to see him as much as I would like. Here are some of the issues; he goes to strip clubs about 2/3 of the time when he is out of town. Probably like Atleast 3 times a month. I wouldn't care if he went like once a year w his buddies or for a bachelor party, but I feel this is excessive? on top of that he comes home and rarely wants to have sex. Yes I know we are out of that stage but come on, I'm only getting it 1-2 times a month! He also watches porn a lot. Again I'm not against it, I understand when he is out of town he needs it. But what gets me is when I try to initiate sex and he turns me down but will go watch porn? He says he still loves me and that I am attractive and beautiful but what's a girl going to think? Back to the strip club thing, he does not drink alcohol. So that kind of makes me think too. Like you can't even say you spent money on alcohol so why 200 for 3 hours watching half naked young girls dance? My boyfriend is 40 and I'm 30 so I know that might have something to do w sex drive but it is just so hurtful that he doesn't want to look at or touch me but frequents strip clubs and porn instead. Idk what I'm looking for, I guess for someone else's opinion. Thanks

[MissCanuck]

No, this isn't normal, in my books.

As you said, an occasional trip for a bachelor party or something is one thing. But 3 times a month? Yes, that is excessive for a man in a relationship. How did you find out how much money he's spending on each occasion? If he's blowing through $200 in 3 hours, and he isn't drinking alcohol, then he's not just watching the dancers.

His porn use, much like the strip joint visits, might not raise much cause for concern in and of itself. However, given how frequently he's going to strip clubs and his declining interest in sex with you, there's a problem here. When did the sex start dropping off?

[Hollyj]

I was thinking the same about the money.

The combo of the porn/strip clubs, and lack of sex, indicate a clear problem.

[Binz86]

We live together and have a child together so we share a bank account is how I know what he spends.

[Hollyj]

We live together and have a child together so we share a bank account is how I know what he spends.

And? How much does he drop on the strippers?

[indea08]

He's getting lap dances, that's what's so expensive. He's fulfilling his sexual needs via strippers and porn. He doesn't need you for that. So why are you tolerating this?

[Hollyj]

I missed the $200 bit. He is spending $600 on lap dances in a month. Good grief! Yes. Why are you still with this guy?

[Binz86]

Thanks for all the replies. I'm still with him bc I get to stay at home and raise my daughter but she is getting a little older so I can start looking in to daycare and work so I can get out of here. He makes me out to be crazy bc I say the same things y'all said but obviously I'm not. Thanks again!

[cr45599n]

This sounds very similar to my boyfriend. We have been together for almost 2.5 years and we have a 1 year old together and we live together. My boyfriend is ADDICTED to porn, in where he comes home from work and locks himself in the bathroom for 1-2 hours in the tub watching it. On his days off he stays home all day, alone, watching it. At night when we are supposed to be watching tv together, he will randomly start watching it. It is soo annoying and I've told him several times to stop and he keeps it up. The ONLY difference is my boyfriend has an extremely high sex drive. We are intimate atleast every other day or every 2 days. Which is why maybe I have tolerated his actions for so long. He doesn't go to strip clubs but he likes to get "massages". Before we started dating he would go a lot to get happy endings. Now he swears he doesn't and he says he just goes for a normal back massage. But I have caught him several times lying about where he was cause he was getting a massage. Why lie about where you are if you are just getting a harmless massage smh. I would never tolerate him going to a strip club. He knows very well that doing that is off limits. I know very well how hard it is to leave the whole situation. I'm waiting to have more money cause I am at my breaking point. My boyfriend is 29 years old and seeing that yours is 40 years old, this doesn't give me hope that my man will change. I guess some men just don't know how to be in a relationship. Lay down what your ground rules are and if he can't compromise then it may be about time to move on. Spending money all the time on strip clubs is not acceptable family behavior. It's time for him to grow up.

[Binz86]

Omg exactly. Like you went through your partying years, you have a family and your 40! Those strippers are young enough to be your daughter. It makes me sick. And yes I wouldn't mind the porn at all if it was not replacing our sex life. Your right I'm going to tell him what will work for me and what won't and see what happens. Thanks for sharing with me.