Would you be annoyed if...

Would you be annoyed if you were meeting up for the first time and still didn't know an exact time or location.

I'm meeting him tomorrow and still don't know time or place...

Trying not to let it bug me but if I'm honest I am bothered by it!

Weigh in!!!

Did you ask him? When was the last time you communicated?

Did you ask him? When was the last time you communicated?

He sent a message last night confirming. I replied this morning, saying I didn't have a preference for where but that I still needed to know timing and haven't heard anything...

Did you ask him?

Oh and no. He asked me.

Depends. It actually developed into my MO for dating to agree to a time and idea (e.g. lunch, coffee, whatever) and to kill two birds with one stone by confirming and providing a location closer to the date. Basically, "Hey, let's do lunch on Saturday at [x time]. I'll look for some good spots and let you know on [day before the date]."

It does seem exceptionally wishy washy if you don't even have a specific time in mind. Surely you've got enough going on in your life where you can't just leave an entire Sunday open to spontaneously be out the door when he happens to give you a time and place?

Regardless, why sit and wait? If you think it's worth meeting him, suggest your own place and time.

If you don't hear anything this evening, follow up with him tomorrow morning and ask.

Let him know that you're planning your day and it would be helpful to know your meeting time. In the alternative, you can always suggest a time.

J.man - I should say I know that it is 'afternoon' but that is super wide open...

Depends. It actually developed into my MO for dating to agree to a time and idea (e.g. lunch, coffee, whatever) and to kill two birds with one stone by confirming and providing a location closer to the date. Basically, "Hey, let's do lunch on Saturday at [x time]. I'll look for some good spots and let you know on [day before the date]."

 

It does seem exceptionally wishy washy if you don't even have a specific time in mind. Surely you've got enough going on in your life where you can't just leave an entire Sunday open to spontaneously be out the door when he happens to give you a time and place?

 

Regardless, why sit and wait? If you think it's worth meeting him, suggest your own place and time.

Completely agree with j.man. Otherwise, you're leaving your schedule in their hands.

Live and learn, but next time you schedule a meet I'd definitely propose a day and time.

Completely agree with j.man. Otherwise, you're leaving your schedule in their hands.

 

Live and learn, but next time you schedule a meet I'd definitely propose a day and time.

I'm sooo feeling this. I hate the angst of not knowing! Half of me feels like playing dumb blonde and being like "clearly something has come up! that's fine nbd! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!" Bam. Mic drop

Like this shouldn't be hard!!!

I wanted him to make the plan because i honestly don't believe in the girl doing the leg work and heavy lifting early on in a relationship. If he isn't interested that's fine but I'm not going to baby him by making all the decisions!

Am I crazy?

I'm sooo feeling this. I hate the angst of not knowing! Half of me feels like playing dumb blonde and being like "clearly something has come up! that's fine nbd! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!" Bam. Mic drop

 

Like this shouldn't be hard!!!

 

I wanted him to make the plan because i honestly don't believe in the girl doing the leg work and heavy lifting early on in a relationship. If he isn't interested that's fine but I'm not going to baby him by making all the decisions!

 

Am I crazy?

Please don't send him that message about assuming something else has come up. It comes across as dramatic, to be honest.

Be upfront with the guy and say: "Hey, are you up for meeting at noon? Just wanting to confirm a time here as I'm planning my day and have a few things on the go that I have to get done".

Just take control of the situation.

One thing you'll learn, OP, is setting a day and time upfront will save you a lot of annoyance and frustration later on.

i honestly don't believe in the girl doing the leg work and heavy lifting early on in a relationship. If he isn't interested that's fine but I'm not going to baby him by making all the decisions

Yeah, I wasn't actually going to send that. It is simply what I feel like doing.

Basically I'm feeling offended because he isn't thinking about how I might feel hanging out in limbo. He is causing me unnecessary anxiety and I think that is rather rude or at very least inconsiderate.

I keep thinking to myself that "I'm worth so much more than this". I don't like how this is making me feel.

I can't think of a single reason that might prevent him from sending a quick reply.

And if he can't do the bare minimum required by human decency what am I even doing?if this isn't a terrible omen I don't know what is.

How did you guys meet, OP? Online?

If so, is this your first time meeting someone face-to-face who you met online?

Um, j.man that's why I listed it as my personal belief. Not true for all, but I think guys are designed for being the ones to pursue.

If a guy can't get his act together early on, he probably isn't very interested in said girl. Men will move heaven and earth when they are motivated.

Jumping in to rescue or mother is something a lot of women do and I'm not looking to do that. I don't want to be the one initiating a lot early on.

This would be different as time went.

Milly, yes to both, which also ramps up the anxiety level.

Um, j.man that's why I listed it as my personal belief. Not true for all, but I think guys are designed for being the ones to pursue.

 

If a guy can't get his act together early on, he probably isn't very interested in said girl. Men will move heaven and earth when they are motivated.

 

Jumping in to rescue or mother is something a lot of women do and I'm not looking to do that. I don't want to be the one initiating a lot early on.

 

This would be different as time went.

Milly, yes to both, which also ramps up the anxiety level.

Ok, this explains a lot. First, I get it, you want the guy to pursue. Just be aware that you will meet men who will disagree with this notion and expect the woman to intiate as well. Just an FYI.

Also, there are tons of flakes online, so all the more reason why it's good to schedule a day, time, and location asap. Even then, the flaking may still occur. Unfortunately, it's unavoidable in the world of online dating.

And not to sound negative, but if you continue to allow the guy to confirm when and where, you could be setting yourself up for major disappointment. You may have to do more follow up than you want. And what you consider to be a normal expectation of this guy (and other men), may not be shared by them.

I'm navigating the online world too, OP, and still have tons to learn.

Instead you'd let your anxiety stack up and spill your guts about it on a Saturday night. Is that what women "designed" for?

Yes, that is a fact.

Apparently I'm pretty committed to stewing in... oops I mean staying in my feminine energy! 😂

Ok, this explains a lot. First, I get it, you want the guy to pursue. Just be aware that you will meet men who will disagree with this notion and expect the woman to intiate as well. Just an FYI.

Totally! And those guys and I likely would not work out . I actually initiated the initial conversation with this guy but from there for the first few meet ups I kind of need to see him taking point on this.

I operate on the assumption that an interested guy will make it happen and ones that are ho hum won't...

I like gatekeepers. My time is valuable! Not everyone is cut out to play ball. Those ones need not apply!

So would he be "babying" you by making plans? I can't get behind this mindset in 2017.

Fair point j.man, but what I think she's saying is that she prefers a man to be a MAN, take charge, lead.

At least in early stages.

I tend to agree. This is what I like too, what turns me on.

That said, some men have accused me of having "game," and maybe they had a point; as this is what I would do.

Being it's Sunday, I would leave the day open, good day to relax and chill anyway.

At some point, HE is going to realize "I have no idea when and where I am meeting FirstDates today," and HE will contact you with the details. You are relax and chill about it.

If he never contacts you, consider that you were stood up after which you block, delete.

Wrong or right, this is what I would do! And have done. And they always contact too to confirm and provide details.

Try to relax FD, follow his lead.

Totally! And those guys and I likely would not work out . I actually initiated the initial conversation with this guy but from there for the first few meet ups I kind of need to see him taking point on this.

 

I operate on the assumption that an interested guy will make it happen and ones that are ho hum won't...

 

I like gatekeepers. My time is valuable! Not everyone is cut out to play ball. Those ones need not apply!

Fair enough. Good luck with the online adventures!

Fair point j.man, but what I think she's saying is that she prefers a man to be a MAN, take charge, lead.

 

At least in early stages.

 

I tend to agree. This is what I like too, what turns me on.

 

That said, some men have accused me of having "game," and maybe they had a point; as this is what I would do.

 

Being it's Sunday, I would leave the day open, good day to relax and chill anyway.

 

At some point, HE is going to realize "I have no idea when and where I am meeting FirstDates today," and HE will contact you with the details. You are relax and chill about it.

 

If he never contacts you, consider that you were stood up after which you block, delete.

 

Wrong or right, this is what I would do!

 

Follow his lead.

 

Yes! This is exactly what I was trying to say! You've nailed it!

 

That is good advice as well!

Fair enough. Good luck with the online adventures!

Thanks & thanks for your advice Milly!

He got back to me 👍🏻 Time and place confirmed.

Fair point j.man, but what I think she's saying is that she prefers a man to be a MAN, take charge, lead.

 

At least in early stages.

 

I tend to agree. This is what I like too, what turns me on.

 

That said, some men have accused me of having "game," and maybe they had a point; as this is what I would do.

 

Being it's Sunday, I would leave the day open, good day to relax and chill anyway.

 

At some point, HE is going to realize "I have no idea when and where I am meeting FirstDates today," and HE will contact you with the details. You are relax and chill about it.

 

If he never contacts you, consider that you were stood up after which you block, delete.

 

Wrong or right, this is what I would do! And have done. And they always contact too to confirm and provide details.

 

Try to relax FD, follow his lead. not the preference that's the issue. It's the rhetoric and its very real implications. If her taking the lead on details is "babying him," then I fail to see how it wouldn't be the same treatment the other way around.

 

It's also a pretty low bar to set for all the legwork or heavy lifting to google "good cafes near me" and arbitrarily pick an hour out of the day to meet there. The whole lack of initiative and insistence on playing the passive party aside, if that's a woman's idea of effort, I'd seriously be worried about how much she overvalues the most barebone contributions she could make.

 

I'm a guy who catches himself leading the vast majority of the time. I don't attribute it to being a "MAN" though. I know what I want to do, so I arrange to do it. And I certainly don't twiddle my thumbs anxiously waiting for someone else to do something when I can easily provide a remedy myself. I consider that an adult thing, not a gendered thing.

 

Again, if you prefer to play a more passive role, there's not a single thing wrong with that. If you prefer the man to lead, that means you would adopt the mindset that you, Katarina, have. A preference is, "I'd like a guy to do this and if he doesn't, whatever, I'll move on." Perfectly fine. But to the point you'd let anxiety creep in and snowball rather than taking measures yourself to alleviate it isn't a preference. It's a character flaw.

 

Two completely different mindsets between the two of you, even if with a common ideal for who leads. Basically, you can, but you don't. She can't, so she won't.