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Thread: Getting Closure

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by seanryder
    Who is equating that????
    Sorry, I confused your wording with Rose.

  2. #22
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    What did the guy want? Did he want to be forgiven? What a jerk!

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    What did the guy want? Did he want to be forgiven? What a jerk!
    I'm sure he did, but mostly she thinks, and I agree, he simply wanted to alleviate his OWN guilt.

    Whats funny is that after three years, he told her he wanted to reconnect for HER! To give HER closure.

    I thought that was pretty arrogant quite frankly.

    I mean, why would he assume she even needed closure after all that time? It had been three years! lol

    And she has remained no contact the entire time.

    He did it for himself, to alleviate his own guilt so HE could finally move on.

  4. #24
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    Guy needs to get over himself. He still clearly has lots to learn.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Nope. It is called common courtesy.
    I assume with that answer you've never been in a abusive relationship. Even if there are more kind and less kind ways of breaking up, we are not owed an explanation and an explanation is very often unhelpful in healing. The reason we have to heal ourselves after break ups is because as individuals we are responsible for our own emotional welfare. And asking anyone else to take that on is at very least co-dependent. When we break up with people we are dropping our emotional responsibility to them. It sounds like the op's friend's ex who left her was reaching out to heal himself. And that can be super helpful but not a common curtesy.

  7. #26
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    I was broken up with 5 years ago, after a 2.5 year relationship, with no explanation, and no closure. It was torture, and it honestly took me over a year to get over.

    OTOH, I was divorced by someone who inadvertently gave me closure when I discovered hotel bills and an affair.

    I've been through both: endings with closure, and endings without.

    Closure is the way to go. To heal. To move on much more quickly.

    No, it's not always about a nice, civilized discussion. Sometimes it's just about finding out the reason they left.

    Saying that "closure comes from within" is a nice platitude. For me? Didn't happen. I honestly don't even care what the reason is, just give me a reason. Let me heal.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    I was broken up with 5 years ago, after a 2.5 year relationship, with no explanation, and no closure. It was torture, and it honestly took me over a year to get over.

    OTOH, I was divorced by someone who inadvertently gave me closure when I discovered hotel bills and an affair.

    I've been through both: endings with closure, and endings without.

    Closure is the way to go. To heal. To move on much more quickly.

    No, it's not always about a nice, civilized discussion. Sometimes it's just about finding out the reason they left.

    Saying that "closure comes from within" is a nice platitude. For me? Didn't happen. I honestly don't even care what the reason is, just give me a reason. Let me heal.
    I'm sorry you had to go through this.

    Do you feel that you have healed now? If so, what did you do that helped you heal and move on?

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by rosephase
    I assume with that answer you've never been in a abusive relationship. Even if there are more kind and less kind ways of breaking up, we are not owed an explanation and an explanation is very often unhelpful in healing. The reason we have to heal ourselves after break ups is because as individuals we are responsible for our own emotional welfare. And asking anyone else to take that on is at very least co-dependent. When we break up with people we are dropping our emotional responsibility to them. It sounds like the op's friend's ex who left her was reaching out to heal himself. And that can be super helpful but not a common curtesy.
    Interesting POV. And agree, we are all ultimately responsible for our own emotional welfare, healing, etc.

    Also agree my friend's ex returned to heal himself, nothing to do with her.

    I'm pretty open minded (relatively speaking) and so will be thinking more about this post, appreciate your thoughts Rose.

    To LHGirl, I am so sorry, and this is precisely what I am talking about.

    2.5 years, have a discussion for heavens sake.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by rosephase
    I assume with that answer you've never been in a abusive relationship. Even if there are more kind and less kind ways of breaking up, we are not owed an explanation and an explanation is very often unhelpful in healing. The reason we have to heal ourselves after break ups is because as individuals we are responsible for our own emotional welfare. And asking anyone else to take that on is at very least co-dependent. When we break up with people we are dropping our emotional responsibility to them. It sounds like the op's friend's ex who left her was reaching out to heal himself. And that can be super helpful but not a common curtesy.
    This has nothing to do with abusive relationships.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I'm sure he did, but mostly she thinks, and I agree, he simply wanted to alleviate his OWN guilt.

    Whats funny is that after three years, he told her he wanted to reconnect for HER! To give HER closure.

    I thought that was pretty arrogant quite frankly.


    I mean, why would he assume she even needed closure after all that time? It had been three years! lol

    And she has remained no contact the entire time.

    He did it for himself, to alleviate his own guilt so HE could finally move on.
    Good for her.

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