firstluvstruck Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 I took a girl out for dinner and drinks and didn't get a thank you. And was ghosted mid convo after the date. Now that I'm getting over the initial infatuation I'm realizing it's for the best it didn't work out. Am I bitter or is that rude behavior? Link to comment
saar87 Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 I think it's rude.. Even if she wasn't into you she could have at least told you so instead of disappearing like this. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Rude, Treat people like you want to be treated. Consider yourself lucky. Lost Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Yeah it's rude ...and she will be the type who moans if a man suggests going dutch Link to comment
thealchemist Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 I took a girl out for dinner and drinks and didn't get a thank you. And was ghosted mid convo after the date. Now that I'm getting over the initial infatuation I'm realizing it's for the best it didn't work out. Am I bitter or is that rude behavior? It is rude but I would still prefer that to being lead on indefinitely. Link to comment
j.man Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 It'd be nice if people were more upfront, but at the end of the day, rejection is rejection. Assuming we're not talking months in, it's inconsequential, even if a bit discourteous, if she chooses drop off without a word. I do think it's pretty rude to not thank someone if they've bought you food and drinks and you don't say thanks... and that goes for any facet of life, not just dating. But I'd get into the practice of cutting your wallet some slack and not treating a lady to dinner upon first meeting her. There are plenty of people in need out there you can buy dinner for if you feel so inclined to feed a stranger. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Was this from an online dating site? Next time, stick with coffee or cheap things for a first date. Don't treat her unless you're more sure that she won't just ghost you. And not saying thank you after someone treats you is awful. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 But I'd get into the practice of cutting your wallet some slack and not treating a lady to dinner upon first meeting her. There are plenty of people in need out there you can buy dinner for if you feel so inclined to feed a stranger. Just jumping in board j ..ok ok J's post * cough ........The money men must go through while in the dating game with this kinda stuff ... 50 -50 ...new rule for everyone Link to comment
firstluvstruck Posted September 15, 2017 Author Share Posted September 15, 2017 Yes, online. Spoke for a few months prior to meeting. Thanks for the replies. Link to comment
seanryder Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Yes, even by today's low standards in manners and decency it is very rude. Just be thankful you got this insight such early on before you fell head over heels. Every cloud has a silver lining! Link to comment
firstluvstruck Posted September 15, 2017 Author Share Posted September 15, 2017 I'm disappointed that the low standards have trickled up to the older generations Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Rude. And I agree with the others. Meet quickly upon chatting, and keep it to coffee or something like that. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Two separate questions. 1. Please dont be bitter; that is negativity that you choose to carry within you and it is destructive. 2. Rude. Ghosted mid convo (so I assume text convo) after several months of texting is heartless. Lets assume her phone exploded and corrupted her cloud accounts. And be glad now and not later. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Yes, online. Spoke for a few months prior to meeting. Thanks for the replies. It sounds as if this is the first meeting? Consider nothing more than a meet and greet. It's not a date and you don't need to treat it as such. You two are meeting for the first time maybe over a cup of coffee or a drink to decide if you would be interested in dating in the future. This way you invest very little time, money and effort into something that may not go anywhere. In between don't spend a lot of time with electronic communication. It creates a false connection that may not hold water if the other levels of attraction aren't there to support it. As you have learned, you won't know this until you are actually in each others company. Either way, she was rude. Next time handle your part differently Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 It depends, you may have freaked her out, or rubbed her the wrong way. If so, I would just ghost you. Or she is getting over a bad break-up and freaked out. Link to comment
firstluvstruck Posted September 15, 2017 Author Share Posted September 15, 2017 Yes both are possible. We were chatting and when I asked to hang out again she stopped. Her bf did come up almost unnecessarily and I have a sense they were together for a long time. Maybe i was too forward. Anything is possible.. A polite 'no' would have been nice, though. I like(d) her energy. ...too bad Link to comment
firstluvstruck Posted September 15, 2017 Author Share Posted September 15, 2017 Next time handle your part differently As in how I communicate beforehand and what I choose for a first meeting? Link to comment
Queenmarie24 Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Sounds rude she could of at least said thank you and told you upfront she wasn't interested in the most polite way she could have! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 As in how I communicate beforehand and what I choose for a first meeting? both, but mostly how you arrange the first meeting. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 I had plenty of fun-filled 1st dates, and many turned into something more. I wouldn't skimp on the dates just because you had one person ghost you. I would however talk to them on the phone a few times if you are online dating, or if you happen to meet, arrange for date within a week. Coffee is something you do with friends, which really sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. So sometimes it helps to build a rapport initially by conversing with them (no texting); you really can't tell if you have any chemistry by text, and if they are bursting into tears while you're on the phone, then at least you know they are in no shape to date! So go ahead and planning bowling, getting drinks, making a painting at one of those classes, going to the park and having a small picnic with food you pick up and out together. Take a bow and arrow lesson together, cooking class for desserts. Just get to know them beforehand, and either way, you will have a great 1st date. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 It's rude........... Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 I had plenty of fun-filled 1st dates, and many turned into something more. I wouldn't skimp on the dates just because you had one person ghost you. I would however talk to them on the phone a few times if you are online dating, or if you happen to meet, arrange for date within a week. Coffee is something you do with friends, which really sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. So sometimes it helps to build a rapport initially by conversing with them (no texting); you really can't tell if you have any chemistry by text, and if they are bursting into tears while you're on the phone, then at least you know they are in no shape to date! So go ahead and planning bowling, getting drinks, making a painting at one of those classes, going to the park and having a small picnic with food you pick up and out together. Take a bow and arrow lesson together, cooking class for desserts. Just get to know them beforehand, and either way, you will have a great 1st date. I prefer texting and then meeting. People have strong opinions about phone v. text; if someone wants a phone call I will agree. However, I find the phone misleading in both directions -- leading me to meet people I don't like, and to avoid people I probably would have liked. The man I am currently dating, had we spoken on the phone first I probably would have declined. He is articulate and erudite; his manner of speech reminds me of someone with no education at all even as he uses a broad vocabulary and parses challenging concepts. Hearing him speak while also having other non-verbal information was important. In contrast, I once met someone after speaking whom I was sure I would like and I disliked him instantly and strongly so. My conclusion is to text enough to get a layer beneath the surface, and then meet for an hour or so. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 It depends, you may have freaked her out, or rubbed her the wrong way. If so, I would just ghost you. Or she is getting over a bad break-up and freaked out. ^^^ Exactly the reasons why you should just meet for coffee and forego dinner and drinks until you find out what her deal actually is. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 It's rude........... Now you calm down with your long drawn out posts holly Link to comment
Fudgie Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Disagree with tattolbunnie that you should continue to shell out for dates. Meeting for coffee as a first meet is very common practice. I did it with my boyfriend and I can assure you, we are not "friends". Don't waste good money until you've met in person once before. Otherwise, you'll just get used. Link to comment
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