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On a dating site...just 2 weeks after break up


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Can anyone shine some light on this....

2 weeks after she dumped me, she is on Match...We were together for 2 .5 years...She dumped me once, then she came back...and previously she tried Zoosk, but that didn't work out and she came back...3 months back together and she drops me by giving me the typical: not happy, need distance, space, need to focus on my kids...etc... And in a matter of weeks she is on Match... I dont get it?

Anyone?

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LOL, my ex was on a dating site within minutes of our breakup. By the end of the 3rd day, he was on 5. Yes, 5 sites.

 

They do this to move on more quickly, to find a replacement, so they won't have to think about, or process, anything that has to do with us.

 

The only way through this for you is to move forward, which would be to try as hard as you can not to look her up anymore. It's often talked about here to go No Contact once we've broken up, and I think that's great advice, given that the contact you've had has been negative.

 

She is on Match because she wants a new boyfriend. Because whatever problems/issues/feelings she has for you, she thinks she can fix them, with someone else.

 

I'm sorry that you're seeing her there. It's painful....I soooooo get it.

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Can anyone shine some light on this....

2 weeks after she dumped me, she is on Match...We were together for 2 .5 years...She dumped me once, then she came back...and previously she tried Zoosk, but that didn't work out and she came back...3 months back together and she drops me by giving me the typical: not happy, need distance, space, need to focus on my kids...etc... And in a matter of weeks she is on Match... I dont get it?

Anyone?

 

Dumpers have typically checked out of the relationship long before they actually speak up about it. It appears she may have not been fully invested in the 3 month reconciliation which made this time even that much easier for her. Not much consolation to you and I am sorry.

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We went through this previously... Same scenario... Then she came back ...Cried like a river and told me she was in love with me....A lot of this is associated to her children... They hate me...and her friends.... When she came back we made a deal to work on us and not tell her kids ... We agreed and she was putting in the effort.... She blasted the news to her mom, trusting her mom....Mom spilled it out to her kids....and all drama started again....Her 2 older daughters hate me.... Long story short, they all used to live with me and my kids, but there was a lot of disrespect towards me and my kids from those 2 girls....One is 19 the other is 20....and they are control freaks....They control her.... I asked my ex to fix the issue...She never did and eventually I asked them to move out....We broke up for 2 months, then she came back ... 3 months down the road I am in the same boat....

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Yes I dodged a bullet... She is a good woman, just those 2 girls control her....and tell her that I am to blame for everything.... They tell her that she can do better...Her miserable BFF tells her the same....They all claim that I kicked her and her kids out of my home... I simply asked them to leave as the blending of the two sides was toxic...My kids accepted them....They did not accept us....Made it up hill in my own home for me and my kids....She knew there was a problem, but had no tools to fix it....I begged for her help...She did nothing.... Told me she did not know how to fix it....

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This is a typical thing to do after a break-up to go tinder, match etc like the person said before me it just helps take your mind off it. No matter if she is trying to fill your shoes with someone else she still needs to go through the break-up process eventually. I think for her to go on a dating site so soon means she is in pain and does not want to face it...hence why she is trying to find another to distract herself in the meantime. Are you on any dating sites yet? --No matter what I think one needs to grieve after a breakup and should refrain from joining any kind of dating site or go on any dates until at least a few months. It is unhealthy because you bring your baggage to the next relationship. Pity her if you must and let this give you a little closure that she is moving on too fast so she does not have to deal with her feelings right now, in the end it will only hurt her.

-- Take your time to evaluate what went wrong, and just take your time to get over this relationship when your truly ready to move on

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That just means she was always looking for the next best thing and when it didn't work out online she would come back to you and use you until she found someone again.. It's sad when people do this but unfortunately it happen I would block her from everything, and when she tried to come back just tell her youve had enough and you won't tolerate it anymore.

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LHGirl...you can't fix those problems with anyone else...When she dumped me for the second time she said that she deserves better..Ahhhh....it does not get any better than this....I treated her very good... No one out there is perfection. Everyone has a flaw....

Yes I agree nobody is perfect. That's why the saying goes when you find a good one better keep him or her because you won't find another like him or her. It's sad when a partner ruins a good relationship.

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Thank you for the advise. No, I am not on any dating site...I met her on Match 2.5 years ago, and I got off Match....I just get notices and that is how I found out.... It just hurts me to know that she is already looking for someone else ...As if she never loved me ..

Awe! That's sad! I understand though I never understood how people can move on so fast after being in a long term relationship , I know I wouldn't be able to move on that fast

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Queenmarie24. I agree....She is not a bad woman tho., I just think she hasn't figured things out yet...I fully understand....she is 41 and struggling with kids... She works hard but she is not bringing in a lot...Her ex husband barely contributes....2 of her kids have social and psychological issues....she wants someone to be that man...and I tried very hard...I have my life together...I have a sweet career, a nice home etc....I am not ugly...lol...I came out of a divorce squeaky clean, dont owe my ex wife a dime....not many guys like me are out there...most are paying child support up the wazoo...I dont as I share my kids and my ex wife makes a good living as well.....In the 2.5 years I did a lot to help my ex GF and gave her love and tons of intimacy.... I believe that she was in love with me, just her children destroyed everything.... She wanted a family but they did not...They spoke out against it and told her so....I was a witness..... They did not want her to be happy...They wanted her to themselves.... Selfish and controlling....When she came back to me, she was putting in the effort...Then they found out and started their drama...especially the 2 older girls....Thats when she began puling away....I am sure she was told that she can do better than me by them....But what I see is that no matter who she dates....They will always tell her the same.... And here is a good guy being dumped....and so will the next guy...if he can put up with it...

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I agree with Queenmarie24 below.

 

What helped me too is listening to this app Castbox and listening to "ex bf recovery" podcast i'm sure they have one for ex gfs too! Try and occupy yourself! and good for you for not joining a dating app right away like she did. I don't think she joined it because she never loved you, some people just handle break ups differently than others and she may be already further along that break-up process than you seeing as she ended it.

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I accept it already....I wiped her off...and accepted that she is doing what she knows best to do.....unfortunately I also know that she won't find better and will be comparing them to me.. Her dad told her....Fix ur kids and dont let this one slip away......But she has trust issues and feels that I need to change....she sees only my faults, but not her faults and her kids faults... Its like trying to pour water through a solid piece of steel.. She came back once cuz she realized that she loved me apparently.... This time I doubt it....... Although something within me says she will...I dont know about anyone else, but my feelings dont vanish this quick ...Maybe her feelings did.....

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I am moving on...Happiness slowly by the day....She blocked me on everything.. And I wiped her off...So nothing tempting to be in touch...I just feel that she will somehow pop up.... But before I stick my head out there again...I need to heal.. I know she likes attention.... She needs it like a drug...

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I know she likes attention.... She needs it like a drug...

 

Someone like her, who seeks validation and attention like, you as you said, as a drug, "needs" to have their ego stroked by miscellaneous strangers online writing to them. It pings their dopamine & serotonin receptors. She would rather seek attention from random men than try and work on her problems with you because she thinks she has no problems, and all problems are yours. Like you said, it's like trying to pour water through a solid piece of steel.

 

This is very frustrating, I know.

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When she dumped me for the first time, I felt as if I was genuinely at fault....So, I went out and got counseling.... Seeked help from friends....worked on myself...wanted to show her that I can be better....But what is there really wrong with me? Nothing....I am not abusive....I never said anything demeaning to her, I was always there to provide her love and support.... I am not a drunk....I am 43 and not in for games...I dont mentally abuse her...She would tell me that she loved all the great qualities that I have... She told me that I took her for granted....So I fixed that....When we got back together, I gave her attention that she needed...I found myself chasing her... Initially when we first starts our relationship, she was chasing me....She had a goal....I suppose to live a better life.....But it did not work.... Her kids did not want it to work....I think the second time around she was invested at the beginning, but once the kids found out, she started pulling back....We had a plan, but she decided that better is out there.....I dont know if better exists....Relationships are build slowly.... No one wants to jump in so quick...I took it hella further than anyone thus far.....I truly wanted for it to work...

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Queenmarie24. I agree....She is not a bad woman tho., I just think she hasn't figured things out yet...I fully understand....she is 41 and struggling with kids... She works hard but she is not bringing in a lot...Her ex husband barely contributes....2 of her kids have social and psychological issues....she wants someone to be that man...and I tried very hard...I have my life together...I have a sweet career, a nice home etc....I am not ugly...lol...I came out of a divorce squeaky clean, dont owe my ex wife a dime....not many guys like me are out there...most are paying child support up the wazoo...I dont as I share my kids and my ex wife makes a good living as well.....In the 2.5 years I did a lot to help my ex GF and gave her love and tons of intimacy.... I believe that she was in love with me, just her children destroyed everything.... She wanted a family but they did not...They spoke out against it and told her so....I was a witness..... They did not want her to be happy...They wanted her to themselves.... Selfish and controlling....When she came back to me, she was putting in the effort...Then they found out and started their drama...especially the 2 older girls....Thats when she began puling away....I am sure she was told that she can do better than me by them....But what I see is that no matter who she dates....They will always tell her the same.... And here is a good guy being dumped....and so will the next guy...if he can put up with it...

Ya that's a shame I'm sorry!

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So..here is something else someone can maybe explain...when she dumped me 4 weeks ago, she dumped me over text....She blocked me on everything.... Then a week later she unblocked me on text...we texted for one day, but she was distant in her texts...Then I didn't text for 2 days....Neither did did she....Then she went on Match.... I just recently found out that I am now blocked everywhere..... I wonder if she will reach out to me?

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Yes I dodged a bullet... She is a good woman, just those 2 girls control her....and tell her that I am to blame for everything.... They tell her that she can do better...Her miserable BFF tells her the same....They all claim that I kicked her and her kids out of my home... I simply asked them to leave as the blending of the two sides was toxic...My kids accepted them....They did not accept us....Made it up hill in my own home for me and my kids....She knew there was a problem, but had no tools to fix it....I begged for her help...She did nothing.... Told me she did not know how to fix it....

Then all that is left is for you to do the mental work you need to do to move on. Her daughters will more likely then not, NOT like anyone she happens to bring home or move in with. She's a mess and you're better off without her.

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