Am I in the friend zone?

Ok, so I am 42 male and recently separated and in a messy divorce situation. A few months ago I reconnected without some female friends from my school days and 20's. One of the girls is also separated and has been for a few years now. We have been partying together each fortnight for the last couple of months. Usually with other friends but a few times we have been left out on our own. I've been back to her house a few times after these nights out and we have sat up talking until the sun has come up. The 1st time we caught up I made it clear to her and her friends that my head is messed up from divorce and i'm not looking at any form of relationships, rather fun and friendship. This is partly true, however, the reality at the time is I was a bit overweight at the time and not feeling very confident about myself. I've been working out hard and steadily shredding the weight since and feeling much more confident in myself. Now this girl is quite hot and the truth is I didn't think i'd be a chance in my current state. I have actually slept with her in my early 20's one night drunk but never was def in the friend zone back then and never tried to progress things. Iv'e initiated the text contact on each occasion to catch up, and she is always responding quickly, however it is me initiating things. She has told me in alot of detail of other guys she has hooked up with recently and how she is lonely and bored. Now I know the best solution is just to find out by putting it directly, but honestly I dont want to mess up the friendship if i'm truly friend zoned. I enjoy her company and there isnt many single people my age floating around. Any advise on how I can find out through more subtle means ?

I'm confused? What do you want from her?

If you only want a FWB with this girl, it may work. If you want a relationship, you are in no condition for one, and you are still married.

Normally I would say something to encourage you to go for it , but , as you have joined this group of friends and sound like you are having a fabulous time after your split I would wait until she says or does something that it blatantly obvious she is interested . Nothing so far sounds like she is .

Actually yeah, after reading the other responses I do have to agree. You could definitely go there if you want to, nothing/nobody is stopping you from testing the waters. But is that really wise given your current emotional state?

You will definitely lose the friendship if you take things further, and I doubt that this will turn into a healthy long term relationship right now. I'd be inclined to keep things friendly until you've had a year or so to cool down, check out other options for entering back into the dating scene when you are ready. If you still feel something for her in 6-12 months, by all means ask her out on a formal date.

If you're not ready to properly court her (and let's face it, doesn't sound like you are) then I wouldn't throw away this lifeline that the group of friends have given you in a time of need.

Clearly i'm keen on pursuing a relationship.. as for rest of your post

In no condition?? I was separated and living under the same roof for 2 years.. the reason I officially left the family home is my ex wife had met another man. Official divorce take years, the fact that i'm still married on paper is irrelevant

Thanks makes sense... unless the signals are clearer i'm best to keep it cool

Clearly i'm keen on pursuing a relationship.. as for rest of your post

 

In no condition?? I was separated and living under the same roof for 2 years.. the reason I officially left the family home is my ex wife had met another man. Official divorce take years, the fact that i'm still married on paper is irrelevant

That does change things slightly, but I'd still give it a few months before you make a move. See how things develop

Sorry didn't reply with original quotes

Thanks makes sense... unless the signals are clearer i'm best to keep it cool

I think so ...just because you are having a good time ... who knows how this will develop , but you don't really want to jeopardise the fact that you are enjoying life and having fun .

Thanks, I know what I need to do now! and i'm not going to play the does he like me games

I might be late to the story, but...

People put themselves in the 'friendzone' by the way they act towards the other person, not by the other person putting you there. If you don't want to friendzone yourself, push for more.

If your keen on having a relationship with her and you really want her, then it is for the best that you tell her. Otherwise, the friendship will be affected. Of course, if she turns you down you can no longer be friends with her for a while, at least until you are with someone else.

You say that there is no one your age floating around, are you not interested in younger women?

Clearly i'm keen on pursuing a relationship.. as for rest of your post

 

In no condition?? I was separated and living under the same roof for 2 years.. the reason I officially left the family home is my ex wife had met another man. Official divorce take years, the fact that i'm still married on paper is irrelevant

No it doesn't. As you stated above, "You are in a messy divorce situation." You bring too much drama to the table for a relationship.

If your keen on having a relationship with her and you really want her, then it is for the best that you tell her. Otherwise, the friendship will be affected. Of course, if she turns you down you can no longer be friends with her for a while, at least until you are with someone else

And if you are turned down by her will it impact the others in this group of friends?

It sounds like you reached out to them for support and it's been a good thing.

You could mess it up and be out in the cold.

Is there any hurry or could you just give it some more time so you have a better sense of things?

I've met several people just like you who lived under the same roof in a stale or`seperated' marriage and count that as being single. If you were really honest with yourself. . it's not quite the same thing.

 

People put themselves in the 'friendzone' by the way they act towards the other person, not by the other person putting you there. If you don't want to friendzone yourself, push for more.

I agree!

Problem is, often times when they're both relating more as "friends," neither has the 'courage' to kick it up and escalate, they're both waiting for the other to kick it up first! Do or say something that would indicate they want more than friends.

Whether that's due to fear of rejection, or "ruining the friendship," whatever, I have read enough of these threads and posts to know it's happening.

I've experienced it in my own life too.

I'd just focus in hanging out and having a good time...corey Wayne on YouTube has some great videos about how to make sure you don't get stuck in the friend zone...but just don't share it with too many people! Haha