Boyfriend secretly dated someone else while we started dating

I met my boyfriend last September 2016 and we started dating right after we met. We were hitting it off and I liked him so I didn't date anyone else. He also repeatedly told me that he liked me and that he wasn't dating anyone else as well. We said "I love you" in December and he asked me to be official, I said I wanted to too but he was drunk when he asked so I asked him to ask me again when he was sober. He said he would ask again on a special date like Valentine's Day 2017 but it was understood that we were already official as he had reassured me time and time again that ever since he met me he hasn't slept with anyone or liked anyone or pursued anyone or even looked at any other woman at all.

His genuinity was the core reason I decided to be serious with him as he would be my first boyfriend (I am 22 he is 28 ). Thinking he would never do anything to hurt me and that everything was great and amazing ever since we started dating, I decided to come clean to him and told him around early November I had a one night stand..

I told him that this was because I felt we were drifting apart. There was a time (early November as well) we were both out drinking with his friends and all of a sudden he was forcing me to go home. I insisted to stay yet he even called a taxi to bring me home then he went back to party. I wanted to believe that he just wanted me to get proper rest before my work in the morning but something in my stomach said it wasn't right. After that I felt him being distant and I thought it was probably over, I slept with someone but right after I felt so bad I didn't let him sleep over and made him leave right away, not even giving him my number.

And also I made out with someone late November. As I thought he was getting a bit distant and my friend told me he saw him being really touchy with someone at a club, I thought it would definitely be over. When I confronted him about this, he said it was just his friend.

I know what I did was bad which is why I wanted him to know before we made it official. I asked him also to let me know everything he needs to tell me so we can start fresh. He told me there is nothing. Ever since he met me, he hasn't even looked at another girl. And that he still wanted to be official. And I thought he loves me so much that I should definitely agree to being serious with him.

After this, I found out on my own that he actually was seeing someone. Not just sleeping with someone, but actually dating her. It hurt so much that it was happening from late October until early December. He would message her flirtatiously at the same time that he would send me sweet messages. When he made me leave a party that one time, I found out it was because he was going to see her. He met her friends and brother and she met his friends. The night my friend saw him being touchy with someone, that was her too! All his colleagues saw them together. I.cannot bear showing my face to his colleagues nor his friends after knowing all this. He would even be on the phone with her and video chat her for hours. He even talked to her about me being unreasonable or irrational at times (they would even laugh about it) and me wanting to be serious but him being scared by that. (which was never the case because i gave him space and I didn't want to move so fast either).

One time around early December I saw a call on his phone around 3am from "sloth 🙈" I confronted hin about it and he said it was his friend.. I didn't believe him so he finally told me the truth that it was his former "friends with benefits" (current colleague) but reassured me it wasn't happening since we met and he didn't know why she called him. I believed him but was very uncomfortable. After 2 days, I couldn't help it and I asked to stop seeing each other because it was making me very uneasy but he told me this long story about them hooking up years ago but never went out publicly, that it happened only a few times but nothing more, and that he didn't find the time to change her contact name at all which is why it was still "sloth" and that she was callin because his office team was planning to celebrate something so they were supposed to have drinks... it was obviously a lie but I was a trusting person before so I just trusted him and continued seeing him.

Now I know "sloth" is the girl. She works with him which means he sees her everyday. Now it's so hard to even trust now. Although I have access to his phone, I'm still very uneasy. I know he is not seeing anyone else anymore and it's been 7 months since we've been official and I'm happy and he has proven that I mean the world to him now and there truly is no one else but there are still days that I remember all of this and would start nonstop crying the whole night. How do I forget this? It's so hard because he can lie so easily to my face like that. Is it okay to still be with someone like this? And if so, how can I move on?

So you both cheated on each other when you were dating, but you've both been true to each other since you went "official." What's the problem? He didn't feel guilty about his? He had more of an emotional attachment to an old girlfriend and you only had a one-night stand, so he's more to blame? Maybe you need to date someone more your age. At 28, he's going to have former girlfriends who he's attached to. What's worse, having sex with a friend or having sex with a total stranger?

It seems like you were assuming you two were exclusive, but this was before you agreed to be exclusive. You've got to get over it. Life is messy. Stop being jealous. You shouldn't be making an issue of this. If you love him, forget about when you both cheated on each other and go forward. If you can't deal with it, break up with him and find someone else.

He def shouldn't have lied, though you guys weren't exclusive so he could do what he wanted. ^ It's not cheating.

Though I do have to say, it's alittle hypocritical of you considering you'd made out and also had a one night stand in that period too...?

Here's the bottom line: The two of you have very different value systems and that is relationship doom. You came clean (voluntarily) and he lied to your face when directly questioned. And all his friends were in on his lie, so that shows that he was fine with making you look like a fool. Is that someone you really want to spend time with?

The November thing--what you did wasn't bad, and you didn't have to tell him: There was no official commitment.

What you did wasn't bad, but I do have to say your reaction to him losing interest is a little extreme! There are other ways to cope with disappointment, ways that are less dangerous to your health than one night stands.

He also repeatedly told me that he liked me and that he wasn't dating anyone else as well.

"As well."

So you'd told him you weren't dating anyone but still slept with a dude and snogged another? I mean more power to you as you two weren't exclusive, but it seems awfully disingenuous to fancy yourself in a position to throw stones.

Bottom line is it seems you both misrepresented yourselves and you felt the need to dredge up needless drama after the fact while he didn't. Seems as white a lie as any and certainly much less a sin than you invading his privacy and going back through months of his text correspondences.

I'd say cut the cord. Too much drama, no trust.

Yes I understand thank you for all the comments is it possible to delete this post? The responses have enlightened me on the situation already and would really appreciate some privacy.

I would also suggest you learn how to communicate with the person you're dating - if you feel that they are pulling away - instead of hooking up with others.

Too much drama!!!!

Yes I understand thank you for all the comments is it possible to delete this post? The responses have enlightened me on the situation already and would really appreciate some privacy.

No you can't delete posts/threads , it does say this in the rules .

both as bad or as good as each other. stick or bust.

I believed him but was very uncomfortable

Then you didn't believe him. Why was this OK for you?

It's so hard because he can lie so easily to my face like that. Is it okay to still be with someone like this?

This can't be a serious question. You have no trust. Side-stepping the fact you did the same, you don't trust him. And with good reason.

Wait till you're ready for a trusting monogamous relationship, then you might find the right man. Your own conduct is not good. Your integrity is all you have, and is not predicated on others' actions..

Im not sure what you want people to say. You've betrayed him twice and hes betrayed you. Your clearly not compatible.

So you'd told him you weren't dating anyone but still slept with a dude and snogged another? I mean more power to you as you two weren't exclusive, but it seems awfully disingenuous to fancy yourself in a position to throw stones.

They weren't committed. She didn't lie. He said he wasn't dating anyone and he was, the entire time. She can throw at least a pebble.