I like her but it's going to be hard to trust her

Hi y'all

I met this female at the lobby of a buisness building I started working at.

I asked for her number the second time I seen her and she replied you're going to have to earn it.

So I began to drive her home frequently after her shift (when I was at work, ending at the same time) we would see each other in the lobby.

I then got her number after driving her home a couple times and We then went on a date.

She got drunk and I remember how she looked at me as I was driving (It seemed she really liked me ) We began to hangout more often and go on dates and surprise each other. We wouldn't kiss or have sex but this was because I was afraid to pass a boundary and ruin the relationship. I knew there was always tension because she would always run her hands up and down my arm while I was driving, and when we would hang out she would be kissing my neck and checks and always hugging me. And I would be doing the same to her

Yes I know I should have made a move but I didn't want to ruin the relationship. After a month though I got transferred to a different location for work but still in the same city.

after two months I decided to take the relationship more seriously so I dropped all the other females I was hooking up and talking too because I really liked this girl I was seeing and didn't want to disrespect her in anyway. We haven't yet talked about what we were or anything at this point, But we would talk about how much we liked each other and how we weren't going to share each other.

She even sent me flowers and teddy bear to my hospital bed after Iv gotten very ill one day

We would basically be texting everyday unless it was a busy day but we would at least check up the next day

After 5 months something weird happened

One afternoon I texted her asking when we were going for a ride in her new car

She didn't reply. So the next day I texted her again saying" are you still alive?" She replied no And I thought she was kidding so I asked can I come over and give you cpr. She then said she needed space and time and that she was sorry. Out of the blue. Like what the . I called her and asked what happened and Long story short she told me her exs family are good friends with her family. The day I texted her he and his family came down to visit her family and stay the night. When she seen him she realized she still had weird feelings about him. She told me that they never broke up on bad terms. They broke up because of the distance about a year and half ago. ( they lived 4 hours apart and the families didn't know they were dating) she texted me saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry but I need some time. This guy I saw yesterday was my boyfriend and will always be my boyfriend... and she continued to say how I deserve better blah blah blah. First off all those are red flags... I know. She's not from Canada so English isn't her first language and sometimes her text comes out wrong. But what else could have she meant when she said " he'll always be my boyfriend" she's told me in the past she lost her virginity to him so I understand why she's emotionally connected to him.

I decided to meet her in her car the following day. She said that she needed space and time to figure everything out because she didn't want to be a girl who still likes her ex and continues talking someone she really likes.

She said it wasn't fair for me and that really liked me and didn't know what to do in this situation. The whole time She got really really teary eyed ( but I know females love to act so I don't know how genuine her tears were) touching me arm, kissing my cheeks, neck and we even ended up making out.

I asked her if she was going back to her ex and she said no. She wasn't talking to either of us and that she just needed time.

I asked her how she had no idea he was coming down and she said no one told her because she's been so caught up at work so when she came home she was surprised.

She also told me he went though her phone and seen our text messages and pictures.

I ended up storming out her car after begging her to tell me that she still liked him and that I didn't mean anything to her. She wouldn't. I even told her to delete my number and she wouldn't. I stormed out her car.

1 week goes by and im in the worst state.

Almost everyday I feel sick to my stomach thinking of how she played and lied to me and how she's probablly back with her ex ... stringing me along just in case it doesn't work out with him. I thought of how she wasn't even hurting like I was. Then sometimes I would feel bad and think of how sweet she was for not wanting to lead me on and string me along while she figures out her feelings.

The whole time I was thinking of how I needed closure and she wouldn't give it to me in the car. I didn't know if I should move on or trust and wait for her

I began speaking and hitting on other girls when I would go out with my friends. But i was still in a slump. Just a day short of two weeks I deleted all our pictures and even her number. I decided I was going to move on. I realize I'm not an option but a priority and I'm disappointed in my self for giving her so much power and making me vulnerable. That was never like me.

A day after that she messaged me. I remember her middle numbers and they way she says my with 4 extra a's so I knew it was her. She said my name and then " forgot about me?" Didn't answer. Then she said "ok .... I'll find you " no answer

Next day she texted me again with my name this time longer. Still no answer.

I accidentally called her because I was supposed to call another un saved number that texted me. I said who's this and realized what I'd done so I hung up real quick because I was around people. She texted me right away and said " you don't know who this is? Ok then" I texted her very blunt and said " Iv gotten a new phone "

And then she said " thanks for hanging up on me too " I replied " honest mistake "

And today she texted me saying " so, how's Brendan doing "

The thing is this girl actually messed me up and I feel like I'm the one that needs some time and space.

I know if I reply and decide to give her another chance I'm always going to be thinking of what she was doing in the break and if she's fully moved on from her ex or if he moved on from her and she came back to me.

I want her to be crazy about me like she was before but as much as I thought she liked me she didn't like me enough to chose me over her ex. Why did she say those things before we met up. Why is she texting me so casual when Iv been hurting for the past two weeks going out my mind. Don't I deserve to know if she's going to be with me and only me ? Does she owe me that much? She knows I'm not going to be friends with her bacause iv told her I could never be friends with her before.

What's my next move?

I am not sure you could ever trust her.

But if you chose to I would tell her under no uncertain terms is she to contact you again -

unless she has come to decision and is no longer tied to her ex emotionally or otherwise and then you two can possibly talk about it.

But between now and then, she's not to contact you. For that matter you could easily block her number.

If she wants to be with you, she can find you.

Move along

You two never had anything too serious. It's normal for her to be confused and acting up with her ex around. Be glad she didn't lead you on and was honest.

Now, what lies ahead...only you can tell. If you really like this girl, it seems there's a good chance. Just don't hold a grudge against her if you do decide she's worth a shot. Nothing worse than someone who keeps bringing up past mistakes for something that should be forgiven.

Anyway, good luck. The power is in your hands on this one. She seems willing enough and , make a move sooner!

He went through her phone !!...If he has that kind of hold on her I wouldn't even be bothering to wait around waiting for anything to change .

5 months later, this is her and who she really is. Probably nothing to do with you whatsoever. Her ex is exactly the same, going through her phone is the mark of an insecure, jealous person.

If you let her, she'll oscillate between you and him playing with both of your heads. Why? Because that's what F'd up people do.

Step out of the drama, it's going to bring you nothing but pain. Learn to avoid emotional parasites like this. There's nothing in her behavior that warrants any further interaction. Learn to be tough like this, or these women will find you and step all over you. We get what we tolerate.

5 months later, this is her and who she really is. Probably nothing to do with you whatsoever. Her ex is exactly the same, going through her phone is the mark of an insecure, jealous person.

 

If you let her, she'll oscillate between you and him playing with both of your heads. Why? Because that's what F'd up people do.

 

Step out of the drama, it's going to bring you nothing but pain. Learn to avoid emotional parasites like this. There's nothing in her behavior that warrants any further interaction. Learn to be tough like this, or these women will find you and step all over you. We get what we tolerate.

Thank you for the great advice. That's one thing Iv been stressing over recently. I let my self become vurnable and put my guard down. I know how women are and think. I'm usually two steps ahead of them. That's why she caught me off guard. Should I bring up the whole talk about how I'm not a second option or should I talk about how she shouldn't be contacting me until she's over her ex? And how would I go about doubt this

You two never had anything too serious. It's normal for her to be confused and acting up with her ex around. Be glad she didn't lead you on and was honest.

 

Now, what lies ahead...only you can tell. If you really like this girl, it seems there's a good chance. Just don't hold a grudge against her if you do decide she's worth a shot. Nothing worse than someone who keeps bringing up past mistakes for something that should be forgiven.

 

Anyway, good luck. The power is in your hands on this one. She seems willing enough and , make a move sooner!

I want to forgive her. Iv dealt with a lot of women who run game on men and have friends who are like that. They all said that she didn't come off as that type of person because she wouldn't have told me the truth ( there was no way of finding out she was talking to her ex because she's not heavy into social media)

So I do want to continue where we left off. I enjoy her company and she does make me smile.

What should I respond to her message ?

And should I bring up the conversation about how I won't stay and talk to her if she's still in contact with her ex?

Thank you once again. Any advice is appreciated.

I am not sure you could ever trust her.

But if you chose to I would tell her under no uncertain terms is she to contact you again -

unless she has come to decision and is no longer tied to her ex emotionally or otherwise and then you two can possibly talk about it.

But between now and then, she's not to contact you. For that matter you could easily block her number.

If she wants to be with you, she can find you.

Move along

What should I respond to her ex? I agree with you to the max. I need to know if she's made that decision that she is no longer tied to her ex emotionally.

If she pulls a stunt like this after 5 months

Imagine what will happen after 2 years .. 5 years ... when she sees him or someone who makes her feel something she hasn't before

It's a big risk I have to take but I truely believe that she used the space and time wisely to figure out that it's me that she wants. Not him

But I need to have this conversation with her.

I don't know if it's over text or if I should schedule a date or meet up.

Thanks again for your help and your opinion does matter

Yup. Her password is easy to figure out. I figured it out on the first try. She has the s8 and he went to see the phone while she was helping out in the kitchen.

You should be honest with yourself first and ask yourself if you really want this person in your life.

Then you need to be honest with her. Tell her you didn't like this thing with the ex, it made you feel insecure, sad, whatever.

If you really want things to work out, the air needs to be cleared and a lot of forgiving needs to take place, mostly on your part. This thing with the ex is a hard pill to swallow, I realize that, but I'm a firm believer everyone needs a second chance.

Make it absolutely clear that the ex and his shenanigans need to be gone for good and you won't tolerate it.

Anyway, just have a honest heart to heart talk with her.

You should be honest with yourself first and ask yourself if you really want this person in your life.

 

Then you need to be honest with her. Tell her you didn't like this thing with the ex, it made you feel insecure, sad, whatever.

 

If you really want things to work out, the air needs to be cleared and a lot of forgiving needs to take place, mostly on your part. This thing with the ex is a hard pill to swallow, I realize that, but I'm a firm believer everyone needs a second chance.

 

Make it absolutely clear that the ex and his shenanigans need to be gone for good and you won't tolerate it.

 

Anyway, just have a honest heart to heart talk with her.

I do want her in my life everything was going great. She's shares many important traits that I value.

When do I tell her that I didn't like this thing with her ex. Through text? Phone call? Date?

I believe she's a truely good hearted person. Believe me, I know the difference.

I replied to her and said I'm fine. How are you"

She replied

Im ok. But when I see and have a conversation with you Ill feel better. Cause I really don't appreciate the attitude behind these msgs am getting, but good night for now!

What's my next move

You're going to do what you want to do no matter what anyone says. But okay, here goes. If I were you I'd let her go. She's a game player. She's fickle, confused and has someone else who will "always be her boyfriend". Do her important traits outweigh that?

She is trying to re-establish control. Last exchange, according to your chain, was her asking how you were. (Assuming you are Brendan.) This was after she told you in person she was confused about another guy and then tried to keep you on the line with a few breadcrumb texts. You responded in a curt way. That last text was her attempt to draw you back in by drawing a line in the cyber-sand. Your move? Don't respond at all. IMO, she needs to make the effort to explain what happened - not assume you will be there begging for her back just because she asks how you are doing a couple of times.

Thank you for the great advice. That's one thing Iv been stressing over recently. I let my self become vurnable and put my guard down. I know how women are and think. I'm usually two steps ahead of them. That's why she caught me off guard. Should I bring up the whole talk about how I'm not a second option or should I talk about how she shouldn't be contacting me until she's over her ex? And how would I go about doubt this

To be honest I proverbially drop kick women like this out of my life, as my tolerance for them is very low. I personally would do it by text, together with some advice that she gets psychological help.

Do check in with yourself why you've been tolerating emotional abuse for your own sake.

By the way, I've dated a woman like this which is actually how I found this forum. Have a look at my first thread. I eventually kicked her out of my life; she'd hooked up with another man but denied it happening. She wanted to meet me for closure, which she'd done several times and usually ended up with her pulling me back in with false promises, only for the horrible cycle to start again.

I kicked her out solidly, and went on to pursue a career path I'd been putting off. She did the same thing with the new guy she'd done to me. To this day, thats the pattern of all her relationships except now she's a little older and the young men aren't looking as much anymore. She'll never start a family and will probably try and mess up mens heads like an emotional parasite for the rest of her days.

I actually feel sorry for her, as her games have caught up with her. So you advising this woman to get psychological help is to benefit her also.

Women like this usually find me when I'm going through a rough patch, as emotional parasites prey on the weak. Thankfully, I've long since learned to say goodbye at the first hint of madness.

Your next move is to tell her you don't date women with boyfriends and since her ex will always be her boyfriend you aren't interested in her. Tell her you aren't interested in being someone's plan b.

So here is the update guys:

2 days later I messaged her back and said:

Diana. I don't want you speaking to me while you still have feelings for your ex so sort that out first cause I'm not tryna be anyone's second choice or option.

She replied and said ok.

So I guess my next move is to just wait and move on because if I was her first choice then she would have texted me back and tried to change my mind and tell me that she doesn't need anymore space and time

I kind of want to text her back and say

Ok? That's all you have to say?

What do you guys think

That was a good text. Now don't initiate any further contact at all.

So here is the update guys:

 

Ok? That's all you have to say?

 

What do you guys think

No! You weaken your position.

Her lack of any other information tells you everything you need to know.

I didn't respond to the ok.

She messaged again and said

I want to see you ... no I need to see you

I miss you.

What should I say if I decide to meet her in person should I repeat and say I don't want you speaking to me while you still have feelings for your ex so sort that out first cause I'm not tryna be anyone's second choice or option.

Should I respond and say do you really miss me? Or miss someone being there for you?

I'd probably say 'ok'. I'd be willing to hear her out but I wouldn't put in any work. But if she wants to come over and convince you you're not plan b then fine.

Updated is I said alright tell me a place and time and I'll be there. She replied she was busy Friday and Saturday with work as was I. Sunday morning she flys to Chicago to help out with her aunts surgery.

So I told her to take some more space and time and we'll get together when she gets back. I told her to message me only if she's going to make me a first choice because I don't appreciate being a second option.

She replied if she messages then She's moved on and ready but if not I deserve better

I responded ok

That's as simple as it needs to be.

I don't know how long she's going for

Should I play mind games with her and text her tonight saying

By the way, I miss you too

Or, when do you get back?

Or have a safe flight and don't forgot to bring me back something

Or something along those lines

I don't really care to text her though

I would just like to leave her thinking of me as positive while she's on her trip

and I would like to know how long she's going for so that I can get closure if she doesn't message me after her trip.

Should I leave it at the "ok" I sent her

Any help is appreciated

Your next move is to tell her you don't date women with boyfriends and since her ex will always be her boyfriend you aren't interested in her. Tell her you aren't interested in being someone's plan b.

Check update plz

That was a good text. Now don't initiate any further contact at all.

Check update please

I am not sure you could ever trust her.

But if you chose to I would tell her under no uncertain terms is she to contact you again -

unless she has come to decision and is no longer tied to her ex emotionally or otherwise and then you two can possibly talk about it.

But between now and then, she's not to contact you. For that matter you could easily block her number.

If she wants to be with you, she can find you.

Move along

Need advice. Please check the update