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Thread: I feel like i'm being put on the back-burner

  1. #1
    wandergrl18
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    I feel like i'm being put on the back-burner

    I've been seeing this guy for a few months now. (Known eachother for 2 years) We agreed to date and take things slow before we get into a relationship. I also recently cut off the sex a few weeks ago because I decided to wait until i'm in a relationship. He respected that and said he still wanted to date to work towards one.

    But I feel like he hasn't been making any effort to see me or hang out lately. He texts me all the time but never makes any plans. He blames it on his crazy work schedule but I find that's just an excuse. I feel like he's all talk and no action, promising me over text of all the things/places we'll go but never happens. And when we do try to make plans he always says "not sure yet" "maybe" "i'll keep you posted". I've noticed he's never straight up said yes to any plans we make. It's always a last minute yes on his end.

    Yesterday he disapointed me yet again. In the morning we talked about meeting up later in the evening. Around 4:00, I texted him asking if we're still on. He said yes but that he's meeting his brother for 6:00. (which he did not tell me earlier.. surprise, surprise) So I told him that I was hoping to spend to spend more time together and not feel rushed. He then said we should hang out after he sees his brother and will "keep me posted". I said "sounds good!

    Few hours later, it's now around 11:30PM! After not hearing from him for hours, he texts me "hi".. just that. Not even acknowledging the fact that he didn't "keep me posted" and just had me wait for hours when he could have just sent me a quick text saying that he'll be late or that he can't make it tonight. At that point it's way past my bedtime so I didn't even respond to his message and just went to sleep.
    I had even told him earlier that I can't hang out too late because I had work early in the morning.

    So yet again I'm disapointed. This morning I still decided not to respond to his "hi" message and just leave it. I'm sure he will text me again later today but I don't know if I should just continue to ignore him or express my disappointment with him.

    I feel like i'm putting more effort in this than he is and barely gives me the time of day. And even if we weren't dating and just friends, cause we've known eachother for 2 years. I feel like this is a crappy friendship and maybe I should just cut him off completely.

    I'm at a loss of what to do..

  2. #2
    wandergrl18
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    I feel like i'm being put on the back-burner

    Sorry for long post.

  3. #3
    Sportster2005
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    I think you're correct to turn this one loose.

    I couldn't agree more, he's 'all talk, no action'.

  4. #4
    nutbrownhare
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    Sounds like he's not prepared to step up to the plate unless you're in a sexual relationship, but is stringing you along either because he's looking for someone else or in the hope that you'll change your mind.

    Basically, you were FWB and now that's stopped he's not sufficiently interested in you to have a relationship. I'd let this one go.

  5. #5
    thealchemist
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    I can understand a guy pulling back some if you were having sex then stopped because you felt you weren't ready. That is smart of you to realize but as a guy that would also be very hard. I can understand both sides there.

    I was also a little confused with your post. It sounds like you say you aren't even in a relationship with this guy. You said you were waiting on sex again until you had a relationship with him. So not totally sure and your status.

    Although it does sound more like your relationship issues are just based on him being inconsiderate. That "all talk" part of him isn't going to change.

  6. #6
    DancingFool
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    You've know each other for 2 years. You've been dating 2 months already. How much slower can you go in terms of getting to know someone? It's not like you two are total strangers who just met 2 months ago. Also, you were having sex with him and now knee jerked and cut off intimacy. Unless he has always treated you like an option, I'd say he is correct to no longer treat you as a priority. You are coming across like a girl who doesn't know what she wants and most men will not respect you for sleeping with them and then suddenly going "oh no that was wrong." I mean that's pretty insulting if you put yourself in the guy's shoes.

  7. #7
    Annia
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    I'd just stop making any effort to see him and possible end this. I'm not saying he is a bad person or anything for that matter or doing it on purpose, but it seems clear that he likes having you around more like a chat buddy or someone who's there but he doesn't have much interest in dating and walking towards a relationship. I know this might sound cliché but if someone wants to be with you they'll find time to be with you.

    I've also experienced plenty of guys talking to me online or through text everyday but then not being able to get time to be with me for weeks and I've decided that waiting around is not worth it. They won't make you a priority if you show them that you're always there for them despite the fact that they don't do anything to be with you. No one has such an hectic schedule that they can't have time for a date even if short or that they can't make concrete plans. Think about yourself when you're interested in someone... don't you make an effort to find time? This is not a good sign. He knows you're on the back burner just in case and won't probably tell you openly that he's not into this because he's comfortable just the way it is.

    Quote Originally Posted by DancingFool [Register to see the link]
    You've know each other for 2 years. You've been dating 2 months already. How much slower can you go in terms of getting to know someone? It's not like you two are total strangers who just met 2 months ago. Also, you were having sex with him and now knee jerked and cut off intimacy. Unless he has always treated you like an option, I'd say he is correct to no longer treat you as a priority. You are coming across like a girl who doesn't know what she wants and most men will not respect you for sleeping with them and then suddenly going "oh no that was wrong." I mean that's pretty insulting if you put yourself in the guy's shoes.
    But DancingFool also seems to have a point here.

  8. #8
    wandergrl18
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    I feel like i'm being put on the back-burner

    Forgot to add, that he has always been like this. Even when we were sexual, he wouldn't make effort to hang out/see me.

  9. #9
    j.man
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    Why did you take sex off the table? It's one thing to hold off and a complete other to mess around with dynamics. I mean I've waited 4 months before precisely because she was a "relationship only" kind of gal. Didn't mind a bit. Can't say I'd be a fan of effectively being cut off. I'd understand and not press, but wpild likely move on.

    Regardless of which came first, he's flaky AF now. I'd wish him the best and explore better options. And, while I don't default to it every time a guy says it, t does sound like "take it slow" was pseudonym for "I don't intend to commit." Under what context did you "know" him for 2 years?

  10. #10
    Annia
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    Quote Originally Posted by wandergrl18 [Register to see the link]
    Forgot to add, that he has always been like this. Even when we were sexual, he wouldn't make effort to hang out/do things other than sex.
    So do you really want to make the effort to have a relationship with him? Do you think it's worth it? A relationship is a two way street. Effort can't be mostly one sided.

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