Egotistical

Hello. Well, I've been dealing with many thoughts lately; I've been making lots of decisions and I've been facing a lot of family problems...however, after reading some things, I've come to realize that maybe I am being way too egotistical. Why? Because I am always looking for someone to have a talk with whenever I am feeling down... I've come to the conclusion that people have their own problems to deal with, why should they listen to mine as well? And so, I've been hiding all of my problems; keeping them all to myself; telling everyone that everything is fine with me; and I've been avoiding any connection with anybody who keeps trying to get to know me better. I'd rather listen to them and their problems and try to offer a solution to them or give them support... that way I am more useful, am I not? I can deal with my own problems by my own, that's the right thing to do, right?

I've been lying a lot to a lot of people; I've been pretending to be who I am not; I've been hiding my likes and dislikes about things, I wait for people to speak their opinions and then I'll just go with them; I'll reserve my opinions to myself. I am a writer and for a long time, I've been writing just to myself. I also like to draw but I no longer feel like sharing my drawings because they only speak about myself, my likes, my thoughts... who would ever care about them? I just don't want to be a bother to anybody; I want to be useful, that is all. If not, then, why should I keep existing? Why do I exist to begin with? I can't keep being this self centered, right? It is time to start doing something for others.

It's ok if you don't want to give me an opinion, I am not asking for it. I am just venting; I write; that's what I do. Guess I can be too overly dramatic about everything. We all have problems in this life, right? I should not bother anybody with my own personal issues. Many people have told me to trust them and tell them if I have any problems, that I can count on them; but I can't count on anyone anymore or I'll end up bothering them, right? Better be supportive to them than another burden.

So, I want to thank you all for the help you've given me before and, of course, apologize if I ever bothered you with my over dramatic posts. I really thank you for being so kind towards a stranger like me, but guess that's the magic of internet, right?!

This was a tough read. Why do you value yourself so little? Why do you not think that your opinions and sharing will not be important?

Have you sought counseling for your issues with self esteem?

Healthy relationships involve sharing; otherwise it is one-sided. If I were with a friend, who never shared, and only showed an interest in my life, I would feel that she did not trust me. It is a very unhealthy way of thinking, to believe that you will support your friends, but not want the same in return. What brought you to this point?

I didn't see ego in your writing but I did see insecurity.

Do you consider yourself insecure? How would you describe yourself?

Also when you seek out others to talk about your problems do you reciprocate?

Lost

I didn't see ego in your writing but I did see insecurity.

 

Do you consider yourself insecure? How would you describe yourself?

 

Also when you seek out others to talk about your problems do you reciprocate?

 

 

 

Lost

That's the problem, she does not share, as she feel she would be burdensome. She has become others sounding board.

@Hollyj I'm sorry if it was a tough read. Um... I don't know why. I think it is egotistical to talk about myself. My opinions will only hurt others, they've always had and always will. It's better to let everybody think whatever they want to think without meddling.

I haven't searched for counseling, never thought I needed it.

Well, if I share about my problems with a friend, he/she will start to worry. I just don't want that. Also, usually they get annoyed by it.

@lostandhurt well, I don't consider myself insecure, I think I am way too confident.

No. That is not true. You have to value yourself. As long as you have good friends - not a bunch of narcissists - they will want you to share. You thinking is not correct. If my friends were not sharing parts of his/her life with me, I would feel very uncomfortable. You mentioned that they said they wanted you to share, you should respect that. Also, nothing can be more boring than someone who always agrees with you and has no opinion.

Hardara, I have no problem sharing my opinions with friends. They share their issues, I share mine. I am also very honest with my positions. This has resulted a very large circle of wonderful, diverse friends. They respect me, and I respect them.

You really need to make some serious changes, as your approach is very unhealthy.

You are very insecure and show no self worth. Please seek a therapist.

If you believe your behavior is healthy, then why are you writing this thread?

I had my doubts about this all when I created this thread, guess I grew too overconfident while I was writing it...

I honestly don't get a thing... First people want me to share my life, then they get annoyed by listening to it. People ask if I'm ok, if I say I'm not, they get mad, if I say I'm fine, then I am just boring... Why are social interactions so confusing?

And why does this happen to me? I can't seem to make and keep friends if I am myself, my opinions always hurt, there must definitely be something wrong with me, right? I can't blame others for not liking me, that would be childish. There must definitely be something wrong with my behavior.

I think it's about keeping things in balance. You seem very considerate of others, and so I can't imagine you being overbearing in any way.

I think that you may be befriending the wrong people. Have you tried volunteering as a source of meeting friends? I have met a lot of terrific people through volunteering.

I tried volunteering once, but when I did it, I was too shy to start a conversation with anybody. I hadn't thought about it lately, it may be a good idea. Thank you so much for being so patient with me and my rants...

Please stop apologizing. There were no rants. You sound lovely and I wish you luck with new friends.

Also, you may have to try different types of volunteering projects to find the right fit.

I have to admit you contradict yourself in almost every post.

You are overly confident but are to shy to start a conversation while volunteering.

You hide your likes and dislikes and opinions which doesn't show confidence.

Definition of confidence

1 a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances ·had perfect confidence in her ability to succeed

·met the risk with brash confidence

b or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way ·have confidence in a leader

Definition of insecure

1 confident or sure ·feeling somewhat insecure of his reception

2 adequately guarded or sustained ·an insecure investment

3 firmly fastened or fixed ·the hinge is loose and insecure

4 a highly stable or well-adjusted ·an insecure marriage

b in assurance by fear and anxiety ·always felt insecure in a group of strangers

You can be confident in some areas of your life and insecure in others. Many people are super confident at work but are insecure socially.

If you have good friends like holly said they will care about you and want to know you are okay. They want to hear about what is going on in your life (good and bad) and may offer a shoulder to cry on as it were and you can do the same for them. You sound very empathetic and understanding of their feelings so why don't you think you are worthy?

From your description you sound very creative and from the artsy creative people I have known they pretty much are all suffer from the kinds of things you have described about your works. If you never let anyone read your words how can they touch anyone else? If no one ever sees your drawings how do you know if they getting across what you put into them?

There are actually threads on here for online journals, poetry and other stuff where you could anonymously post what you have done as a start. We don't know who you are so why not give it a try.

Single out 2 of your friends that you think are solid and good caring people and share a little bit about the good things and thing that are troubling you and see what happens.

Lost

@lostandhurt Hello, thank you so much for answering. I am sorry I didn't reply sooner.

Well, I did as you told me, I reached two of my closest friends and I was sincere about myself... Now I am in such a mess... because I opened up, they did as well... and now everything is completely out of hands; we had many discussions just a few weeks ago...

But I am not blaming you, maybe I just chose the wrong people to open up; I thought they were my closest friends, never though they were silently trying to date me (reason why they wanted to know some more and were so caring and understanding at the beginning... Now they are demanding and they are using whatever I told them against me...).

Maybe I contradict myself in my posts, that us true because that's how I am. I can be very confident at times and at some activities like, for example, when I a, teaching my students. But when it is about showing my art to others, I get insecure, abs more when it is about talking about my problems because usually people will take advantage of that and use it to bother me later...

I like the idea of the anonymous, I may give that a try... thanks

Guess I am just plain unlucky when it comes to making friends. Or I simply suck at it, always messing it up, talking too much or too little, I don't know. But thanks for everything.

@Hollyj Thank you for your advice. I will try...

Insecurity is that you are having!