Concert booked with ex

I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years 3 weeks ago. It was a mutual decision. We thought that the spark had gone in the relationship and that we had grown apart. I found the week after the break up really difficult, but I'm now doing a lot better and am actually starting to enjoy being by myself. However, I'm in a bit of a dilemma now and am looking for a bit of advice.

Earlier in the year we booked tickets to a concert for our 5 year anniversary. On the night of the break up, it was agreed that I'd sell the tickets as neither of us wanted to go alone as we thought it'd be too emotional. The plan was to then transfer him half of the money as he had paid half. I decided not to sell the tickets straight away as the concert isn't until November, and I thought it'd be a bit insensitive to sell them so soon after the breakup. I also thought it'd be better if we didn't have contact for a few weeks, and selling the tickets would involve contacting him to transfer the money. However, the other day I realised that he'd gone to the effort to delete every single photo of us off of his Facebook, and also untag himself from all of mine. He's essentially deleted all photographic evidence of our 4 year+ relationship after two weeks of being broken up. I was really annoyed about this because we ended the relationship on good terms and there was no reason to do that so soon, if at all. I just found it really insulting and it makes me think he's not really being mature about this. Because of this I want to sort the concert tickets out as soon as possible and just get on with my life. However, I think I'm going to have trouble selling the tickets as they're not sold out yet, and there's already loads for resale. I'd have to sell the tickets really cheap and lose out on a lot of money. Or wait until really close to the concert and then have to contact him in November. My friends and family have suggested that I just go with a friend and give him half the money. I would like to go to the concert and would ask him first to make sure he's alright with it. I'm just unsure whether it would be a horrible thing to do? Especially considering it was supposed to be for our anniversary? I'm really just looking for a bit of advice on what would be the most acceptable thing to do in this situation. Thanks in advance.

First of all, if the relationship is over, I would be deleting and untagging pictures too.. sorry.. but it hurts more for them to be there and could also seem as if he's still with you if they're posted for the whole world to see. So I personally understand that and I'm sure it does hurt you. As it should. As for the concert tickets, I say if you want to go, go. Don't worry about asking his permission. Mail him a check. Don't worry about contacting him about transferring the $$. Send a short note, concert ticket $$..

Why not just pay him for his half and be done with it --- and then either go with a friend and enjoy the show or sell the tickets? I would not ask "if he is alright with it". Its none of his business if you sold them or if you went. You want to ask him if he's alright with it just to get him to communicate with you. Just send him the money - write a check and put it in the mail or send it electronically --- and then leave him alone.

As long as he gets his money, everything will be fine. There is no reason to ask his permission to go to the concert with a friend.

I agree with the others. Go to the concert and send him the money in the mail. No need to ask for his permission.

Deleting pictures of the ex is step 1 in every break up. It hurts like hell, but it's normal. He's not being immature, he's just trying to move on.

I bet if you asked him if he saved all those pictures before deleting them, he'd say yes. Hell, he probably just put them on private so no one can see them.

I disagree with everyone else, as I have just been through this myself.

Just broke up with a 1.5 year relationship, and he promptly deleted/untagged every single pic of me, even though we ended amicably. I told him that I'd wished he'd have, at the very least, talked to me about this, so I wouldn't have been blindsided by the deletions. Furthermore, there were many pictures that only existed on his page, so now they are gone forever. Photos involving my family, etc. Had he discussed this with me, I'd have of course understood, but I'd have wanted him to save them for me on a thumb drive. Photos of my 83 year-old father, gone forever.

We, too, have concert tickets upcoming, which I paid for. He booked a hotel so we wouldn't have to drive home that night. Instead of playing t*t-for-tat, I decided to "adult it up" and discuss the tickets with him. We agreed that he'd cancel the hotel, while I'd list the tickets for sale.

He has since called me, very upset with himself that he deleted all those pics without discussing it with me. It's like taking a dry eraser to the board of our relationship, and I feel it removes any honor to the relationship.

When people do the Social Media deletion, what they are trying to do is show the world they are now single and available, which is fair. But have some courtesy and honor for the partner in those pics, and let them know what you are planning to do, because they may want those pics. I know I sure did.

I deleted the pictures after my break up. It wasn't to let everyone know I was single... it was because it was too painful to look at every time I went on social media, and especially the Facebook reminders of "on this day 3 years ago" etc. Don't take it personally.

I disagree with everyone else, as I have just been through this myself.

 

Just broke up with a 1.5 year relationship, and he promptly deleted/untagged every single pic of me, even though we ended amicably. I told him that I'd wished he'd have, at the very least, talked to me about this, so I wouldn't have been blindsided by the deletions. Furthermore, there were many pictures that only existed on his page, so now they are gone forever. Photos involving my family, etc. Had he discussed this with me, I'd have of course understood, but I'd have wanted him to save them for me on a thumb drive. Photos of my 83 year-old father, gone forever.

 

We, too, have concert tickets upcoming, which I paid for. He booked a hotel so we wouldn't have to drive home that night. Instead of playing t*t-for-tat, I decided to "adult it up" and discuss the tickets with him. We agreed that he'd cancel the hotel, while I'd list the tickets for sale.

 

He has since called me, very upset with himself that he deleted all those pics without discussing it with me. It's like taking a dry eraser to the board of our relationship, and I feel it removes any honor to the relationship.

 

When people do the Social Media deletion, what they are trying to do is show the world they are now single and available, which is fair. But have some courtesy and honor for the partner in those pics, and let them know what you are planning to do, because they may want those pics. I know I sure did.

To the OP, you have gotten good advice. Enjoy the concert.. Don't worry about money or permission. Go and enjoy. IF he asks about money, then give it to him but until he asks I wouldn't worry about it. It was a gift that both of you were supposed to mutually enjoy. Heck who is to say that he wont buy another ticket and go?

LHGirl-- Obviously you are still hurting about your break up. But when you are broken up, its done. There is no thread still linking you to one other. That's why its called a Break up and not a Transition. If your X wants to delete pictures, then an X can delete pictures. You are mad at yourself for not having the pictures already, so don't be mad at your X. He is doing exactly what he should of done. And its not a signal saying "I'm single and available". He deleted pictures so that every time he logs on, he doesn't have to see pictures of you and be hurt all over again. Its part of healing and not an F-U.

I told him that I'd wished he'd have, at the very least, talked to me about this, so I wouldn't have been blindsided by the deletions. Furthermore, there were many pictures that only existed on his page, so now they are gone forever. Photos involving my family, etc. Had he discussed this with me, I'd have of course understood, but I'd have wanted him to save them for me on a thumb drive. Photos of my 83 year-old father, gone forever.

 

If those photos had been so dear to you, you would have saved them over the course of your relationship. If they are on Facebook, you don't have to wait for a thumb drive -- you can download them. No one needs anyone else's permission to move on.

If anyone would like to discuss opinions with me about my situation, please find the lengthy thread I've already started, or PM me.

The above comments are off topic, and off the OP's subject.

I disagree with everyone else, as I have just been through this myself.

 

Just broke up with a 1.5 year relationship, and he promptly deleted/untagged every single pic of me, even though we ended amicably. I told him that I'd wished he'd have, at the very least, talked to me about this, so I wouldn't have been blindsided by the deletions. Furthermore, there were many pictures that only existed on his page, so now they are gone forever. Photos involving my family, etc. Had he discussed this with me, I'd have of course understood, but I'd have wanted him to save them for me on a thumb drive. Photos of my 83 year-old father, gone forever.

 

We, too, have concert tickets upcoming, which I paid for. He booked a hotel so we wouldn't have to drive home that night. Instead of playing t*t-for-tat, I decided to "adult it up" and discuss the tickets with him. We agreed that he'd cancel the hotel, while I'd list the tickets for sale.

 

He has since called me, very upset with himself that he deleted all those pics without discussing it with me. It's like taking a dry eraser to the board of our relationship, and I feel it removes any honor to the relationship.

 

When people do the Social Media deletion, what they are trying to do is show the world they are now single and available, which is fair. But have some courtesy and honor for the partner in those pics, and let them know what you are planning to do, because they may want those pics. I know I sure did.

I strongly disagree with this notion because it's plain false.

You delete them or hide them because it's the healthy thing to do. You're no longer together, the onus is NOT on him to think about "maybe she'll want these pictures". If you really wanted them, you'd have them. You could've saved them any time you wanted to.

People delete pictures from social media and their cell phone (I still have mine, but it's just because I'm not on social media and I never check the pictures on my phone) because it hurts too much to look at them, or in a dumper's case, it probably fills them with guilt and emotional stress.

It's not a cry "Hey, guys, I'm finally free!"

It's step 1 in moving on, nothing else.

Deleted deleted deleted.

Thanks for all your replies. By the sounds of it, it wouldn't be a horrible thing to just transfer him half and take a friend. I just wanted to be sure it wasn't a bad thing to do after a breakup. I definitely don't want to get in contact with him though as someone suggested. The reason why I want these tickets sorted is so that I don't have to talk to him in the future. As for the photos though, I'll have to disagree. He deleted every single photo he had of me off of his Facebook and didn't give me a chance to save them. He untagged himself from every photo I had of us together, except for the ones of him by himself. By that logic I should just delete all the photos I have of him alone off of my Facebook without giving him a chance to save them. He'd then have lost those photos forever and he wouldn't have any tagged photos of him from the last 5 years. Considering the fact that he had girls messaging him before we broke up, and the fact that he appears to be dating someone new, I personally think he did it to appear single.

Anyway I'm not bothered anymore. I'm better off without him and I'll go enjoy the concert.

Thanks for all your replies. By the sounds of it, it wouldn't be a horrible thing to just transfer him half and take a friend. I just wanted to be sure it wasn't a bad thing to do after a breakup. I definitely don't want to get in contact with him though as someone suggested. The reason why I want these tickets sorted is so that I don't have to talk to him in the future. As for the photos though, I'll have to disagree. He deleted every single photo he had of me off of his Facebook and didn't give me a chance to save them. He untagged himself from every photo I had of us together, except for the ones of him by himself. By that logic I should just delete all the photos I have of him alone off of my Facebook without giving him a chance to save them. He'd then have lost those photos forever and he wouldn't have any tagged photos of him from the last 5 years. Considering the fact that he had girls messaging him before we broke up, and the fact that he appears to be dating someone new, I personally think he did it to appear single.

 

Anyway I'm not bothered anymore. I'm better off without him and I'll go enjoy the concert.

 

Your case may be different, but trust me when I say that deleting or hiding pictures from the phone/social media is step 1 in every BU.

 

Hope you stay strong. You seem to be doing well.

I completely agree with you, Anonyme95 about the photos. Sure, it's great to delete them and get them off both of your Facebooks, but as a common courtesy, let the other person know, so that they can save any photos they'd like prior to your deletion.

As I said earlier, I just went through this with my exBF, who deleted photos of my parents, who are in their 80's, before I had a chance to save them.

I liken this to a breakup of say, 20 years ago, and that person physically ripping up photos without asking the other person if they want them. We would never suggest anyone do that; why is it ok to do it digitally?

This has nothing to do with whether one person is further along in a breakup. This is about photos that are valuable to the person.

I had added many photos of my boyfriend's kids' weddings, as I was there for them both. I tagged him on them, and then removed them from my page, so that he'd at least still have them. COURTESY, people. Why in the world is everyone so freakin' rude in the digital age???

It's also about respect for the other person. THINKING OF SOMEONE ELSE FIRST. Honoring their feelings during a breakup.

Maybe I'm too old for this, but common courtesy goes a long way.

And BTW, when I explained this in post-breakup talks with my ex, he felt awful. He called me a few days later, and told me he wanted to call my parents to apologize, as he felt so bad. Of course I told him not to, but he realized how heinous that was.

I completely agree with you, Anonyme95 about the photos. Sure, it's great to delete them and get them off both of your Facebooks, but as a common courtesy, let the other person know, so that they can save any photos they'd like prior to your deletion.

 

As I said earlier, I just went through this with my exBF, who deleted photos of my parents, who are in their 80's, before I had a chance to save them.

 

I liken this to a breakup of say, 20 years ago, and that person physically ripping up photos without asking the other person if they want them. We would never suggest anyone do that; why is it ok to do it digitally?

 

This has nothing to do with whether one person is further along in a breakup. This is about photos that are valuable to the person.

 

I had added many photos of my boyfriend's kids' weddings, as I was there for them both. I tagged him on them, and then removed them from my page, so that he'd at least still have them. COURTESY, people. Why in the world is everyone so freakin' rude in the digital age???

 

It's also about respect for the other person. THINKING OF SOMEONE ELSE FIRST. Honoring their feelings during a breakup.

 

Maybe I'm too old for this, but common courtesy goes a long way.

 

And BTW, when I explained this in post-breakup talks with my ex, he felt awful. He called me a few days later, and told me he wanted to call my parents to apologize, as he felt so bad. Of course I told him not to, but he realized how heinous that was.

Yeah that's exactly how I feel. In my opinion, it was rude and disrespectful. He deleted photos of me by myself on holiday, and even a photo of me with my Dad. I'll never be able to get those back. I don't care if it's a part of the breakup process or whatever, he clearly only thought about himself when he deleted all those photos. Just because you're going through a breakup doesn't mean you're the only person in the world, and I don't think it would've been so bad for him to think of someone else for a change. I honestly can't even imagine deleting all those photos of him by himself on holiday off of my Facebook without first sending them to him. We might have broken up but we're still people who exist. Sorry I've gone off on a tangent, I'm just annoyed with his selfishness haha. I'm definitely better off without him.

I'm sorry you had to go through the same thing.

Yeah that's exactly how I feel. In my opinion, it was rude and disrespectful. He deleted photos of me by myself on holiday, and even a photo of me with my Dad. I'll never be able to get those back. I don't care if it's a part of the breakup process or whatever, he clearly only thought about himself when he deleted all those photos. Just because you're going through a breakup doesn't mean you're the only person in the world, and I don't think it would've been so bad for him to think of someone else for a change. I honestly can't even imagine deleting all those photos of him by himself on holiday off of my Facebook without first sending them to him. We might have broken up but we're still people who exist. Sorry I've gone off on a tangent, I'm just annoyed with his selfishness haha. I'm definitely better off without him.

 

I'm sorry you had to go through the same thing.

 

I liken it to, as I said earlier, a break up of 20 years ago, when you would both physically go through your things and separate them. Whose album is this? Whose book is that? Whose picture is this? It would be horrendous to just trash something, unless of course there was cheating or a major infraction. If it's just a breakup, then the trading back of stuff is just.....a civilized, respectful ending.

 

I don't know, as I said, maybe I'm too old, but digital deletion is the same as physical trashing.

 

That's just my opinion, I know others disagree.