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Thread: BF says I am a burden

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Sep 2017

    Unhappy BF says I am a burden

    My boyfriend of two years told me that I am a burden to him. He thinks I am texting too much (we are long distance), he needs time to deal with his stuff (whatever that is, he wouldn’t tell me) and that I am annoying. When I start crying on the phone because of it, he tells me I should stop or he is going to leave (the conversation). He said I should just leave him alone for a while and that it would be so great to not hear from me in a while. Why is he doing that? I understand that people need time for themselves, but heck, we are long distance.

    Yesterday, we were texting throughout the day and it would take him a few hours to text back. Then, I would answer again and it took him again a few hours to text back. When he called me on the phone later to tell me I am annoying him, he was telling me how he didn’t answer for a while because he didn’t want me to keep texting. What I don’t understand is: Why can’t he just tell me that he is not into texting right now? Why does he need to keep going and make me make the „mistake“ to continue texting so that he has something he can hold against me? Can somebody please explain this to me? Cause, when I try to get an answer from him, he won’t give me one, his answer usually involves „because I don’t have to“. Or am I too sensitive about this? Was I too stupid to get the message?

    There have been phases during the two years that we are together, where he acts like this, wanting time off. When we are together in person, he is the sweetest person ever. But even then, he needs to have his 20 minutes per day for himself, kind of to fuel up on energy, and then he will be super sweet. We end up on the couch together but he will be on his phone or gaming console and not listen to me, basically zone out entirely. Sometimes he even takes his time going to the bathroom to spend time in there for himself lol. I love to take my phone to the bathroom too, sometimes even my macbook, but spending more than 10 minutes in there? lol! But anyways, after that, he is so attentive and loving. This is something I am not used to, and I am wondering how I should handle this. Unfortunately, I am a rather needy person, especially with him since he is the first man I really love. He has made me have feelings that I never had with any other guy.

    So the thing I am hoping to get some advice on is: Has any of you been in a relationship like this, with a rather distant person? If so, how did you handle it? Did you manage or did you end it? And how come a partner can say such mean things like „you are annoying me“? Am I overreacting or is he just being mean?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    He's checking out of your relationship, OP.

    He's saying very blunt things to you because he no longer cares what you think or how you feel, and you don't seem to be taking the hint that he's not into this anymore.

    It's hard to say whether this down to your neediness, or whether he's just emotionally already over it. I would stop with the texting, observe if he takes any initiative to keep it going. If he doesn't, then you have your answer.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    He has no so great respect for you and is not as interested and you are being overly needy, a bad combination.

    And I agree with Miss, stop chasing him. See if he comes looking for you, if he doesn't, then move on.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    London, UK
    Originally Posted by shadow1307
    Unfortunately, I am a rather needy person, especially with him since he is the first man I really love. He has made me have feelings that I never had with any other guy.?
    As the others have said, he is checking out of the relationship because you relentless need for him is pushing him away. This that I have bolded above is your major issue. You have made him the focus of your life and then get even needier when he needs to take a break from your constant barrage of communication. I am not sure if this relationship can be reconciled, as it may already be too far gone.

    Yes, it is good to love, communicate and spend time with your SO, but you also need a life of your own away from them. I once dated a girl who would text me 30 times a day about everything and anything. I'd be at work and she'd be messaging me constantly. I'd go hang out with friends for an evening and she'd constantly message me. It just got too much, but there was no telling her.


  6. #5
    Administrator kamurj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.

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