Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25

Thread: GF situation - bit of a mess

  1. #1
    JFlo

    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    5

    GF situation - bit of a mess

    Hi all!

    Long story short as possible - my very sweet, beautiful, girlfriend (who I've been lucky enough to have been with for over 2 years) and I have been having some issues that I'd like unbiased opinions on.

    I think I created the problem back when we 1st got together as I didn't mention the fact that one of my closer friends is female - I guess partly through design (I was concerned at how she'd feel about me having a close female friend at 1st) and partially it simply didn't come up as me and said friend rarely spoke/met, especially at the time.

    This friend did declare a romantic interest in me at one stage last year just days after my gf broke up with me - my gf then explained that there had been some confusion and she hadn't intended to break up with me and we immediately were back together though she did go on to break up with me again just before Christmas ( we got together again after a few months).

    Anyway on rare occasions that my friend and I have met since it has led to bad reactions from my gf. My gf has been upfront with me in stating she wasn't happy she hadn't met the friend but 1) I don't see her often myself and 2) my gf's reactions to the times when we have met sort of made me uneasy about the whole situation. They did go on to meet and actually got on fairly well. Soon after, however, my girlfriend hacked my phone while I was in the shower and accessed private conversations between my friend and I. I'm not sure what she expected to find but has been extremely unhappy since with some of the comments my friend has made to me (some of which were last August) - they have argued since but now blocked each other.

    I was just wondering if anyone could let me know how I should feel about all this as I'm confused as to where certain lines of blame should be drawn and also how to move forwards (1st and foremost I'd like things to be better with my gf)?

    Thank you!

  2. #2
    rosephase
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    San Francisco
    Posts
    3,515
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1242
    You've broken up two times in two years. It doesn't sound like your relationship is very stable or that either of you are very good at communication. How do you break up with someone but not intend it?

    Your friend has expressed romantic interest in you. I'm all for opposite gender friendships but having space for your friend is a fairly big ask of your girlfriend. And IF your friend is still hung up on you, you aren't doing her any favors by sticking around and not letting her heal and move on. It also sounds like your girlfriend doesn't trust you. So really it's a big ball of disfunction where none of you know how to handle relationships with good communication or respect.

    All that being said... what do you want? Do you want to keep trying with this woman who has dumped you twice and doesn't trust you? How much does closeness to your friend matter more than her own happiness and chance at a real relationship? What are you getting out of this situation?

  3. Thanks Ellie2006, JFlo, thealchemist thanked for this post
  4. #3
    JFlo

    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    5
    Thanks for the response Rose - all makes a lot of sense, sometimes it really helps just to hear it from someone else and have it verified. My priority is to make things right with my gf. There were other issues between my gf and I at the time that definitely weren't anyone's fault and I understood her reasons - I think we're starting to get better with the communication too although obviously this was a big hiccup.

    With regards to the friend, she has pressured me a lot into meeting up but more recently I have simply started avoiding her as I feel it's perhaps best for all parties.

  5. #4
    rosephase
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    San Francisco
    Posts
    3,515
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1242
    Quote Originally Posted by JFlo [Register to see the link]
    Thanks for the response Rose - all makes a lot of sense, sometimes it really helps just to hear it from someone else and have it verified. My priority is to make things right with my gf. There were other issues between my gf and I at the time that definitely weren't anyone's fault and I understood her reasons - I think we're starting to get better with the communication too although obviously this was a big hiccup.

    With regards to the friend, she has pressured me a lot into meeting up but more recently I have simply started avoiding her as I feel it's perhaps best for all parties.
    If you priority is your girlfriend then then let your friend know you are going to take some space from her. Don't blame it on your girlfriend. Don't say it's because of your girlfriend. Tell your friend that you respect her but feel like your friendship is hurtful to her while she is still hung up on you. And then follow through. Don't respond to her. Don't meet up with her. Let her move on and heal.

  6. Thanks JFlo thanked for this post
  7. #5
    JFlo

    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    5
    Thanks very much Rose - I'll do just that.

  8. #6
    reinventmyself
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    6,649
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4730
    Is this to males view to Travellers Girl or Stressedgf post? or the same person.
    Too many similarities for first time OP's

  9. Thanks JFlo thanked for this post
  10. #7
    thealchemist
    Gold Member thealchemist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    551
    Thanked
    477
    I am not one to put down friendships of opposite genders, it can be healthy in a relationship and being inherently against them looks like the SO is just insecure.

    That isn't the case if the individual has disclosed romantic feelings. I can understand her being upset by that.

    More to the point, this relationship seems very dramatic and a lot of work. Do you even want to be with this person? You two sound pretty low on compatibility.

  11. Thanks JFlo thanked for this post
  12. #8
    DanZee
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Age
    61
    Posts
    529
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    215
    Gfs get extremely jealous when there's another girl in the picture. They expect you to associate only with guys. My wife originally got jealous about the girl that cuts my hair, but I've known her longer than I've known my wife. She came along to the salon I go to a couple of times probably to make sure I wasn't getting any "happy endings."

    In any event, your gf sounds a bit flakey. What was the cause of the break ups? Maybe there's more of a clue there.

  13. Thanks JFlo thanked for this post
  14. #9
    rosephase
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    San Francisco
    Posts
    3,515
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1242
    Quote Originally Posted by DanZee [Register to see the link]
    Gfs get extremely jealous when there's another girl in the picture. They expect you to associate only with guys. My wife originally got jealous about the girl that cuts my hair, but I've known her longer than I've known my wife. She came along to the salon I go to a couple of times probably to make sure I wasn't getting any "happy endings."

    In any event, your gf sounds a bit flakey. What was the cause of the break ups? Maybe there's more of a clue there.
    I'm a girlfriend. I love it when my partners have female friends. I take it as a good sign that they can love and respect women as something other than sexual or romantic objects. Not all women are that insecure.

  15. Thanks JFlo thanked for this post
  16. #10
    thealchemist
    Gold Member thealchemist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    551
    Thanked
    477
    Quote Originally Posted by DanZee [Register to see the link]
    Gfs get extremely jealous when there's another girl in the picture. They expect you to associate only with guys. My wife originally got jealous about the girl that cuts my hair, but I've known her longer than I've known my wife. She came along to the salon I go to a couple of times probably to make sure I wasn't getting any "happy endings."

    In any event, your gf sounds a bit flakey. What was the cause of the break ups? Maybe there's more of a clue there.
    I have a dozen girlfriends that I have known longer than my wife. She never gets jealous. I go camping on long trips with these girls too. Jealous is only around with insecurity or just cause. Or sometimes just plain old crazy...

  17. Thanks JFlo thanked for this post
  18.  

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Top Threads
Female friend and boyfriend
My boyfriend of 2 years has a female friend that he has known since middle school. They are now both 29. I've never cared for her too much, because
College DRAMA??
*** This is the very FIRST WEEK ***College" as in NOT university- We're all 18 (ish) and live with parents**** Basically, the majority of the
Girlfriend been acting distant this week.. Is she scared of deeper feelings for me due to ex? (long)
I've noticed in the past week my girlfriends texting has changed and she doesn't text me as much now as she used to. She initiates every day, but
He looks at his ex's instagram constantly is this bad for our/a relationship?
Lets get this out the way: I secretly took my boyfriends instagram password. I know this shows a sign of insecurity and lack of trust. I am honestly
Girlfriend not affectionate
I just discovered this site and read through some past forum postings but wanted to reach out ofr feedback on my specific situation. I 'started'
He sexually texts when I'm with a friend
What does it mean when he explicitly texts when I'm with my girlfriend? He does it when I'm with her more so than with others. I find it unsettling
His "Lesbian friend" that isn't a Lesbian
Okay so... my boyfriend had this friend which he used to hook up with a while back before me and him started dating, they were friends and told

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
College DRAMA??
*** This is the very FIRST WEEK ***College" as in NOT university- We're all 18 (ish) and live with parents**** Basically, the majority of the
Rude?
I took a girl out for dinner and drinks and didn't get a thank you. And was ghosted mid convo after the date. Now that I'm getting over the
On a dating site...just 2 weeks after break up
Can anyone shine some light on this.... 2 weeks after she dumped me, she is on Match...We were together for 2 .5 years...She dumped me once, then
Are we breaking up? How to act around him?
Hello, I have a problem to which I can't find a solution by myself and would love some advice! Here is the short story: 6 months ago I went to
Caught my partner of 20 years speaking to other men
I have been with my partner for 20 yrs this year,we have a16 he old son together .I love him so much,recently I was online and I found an email from
Am I dating the right guy at the wrong time?
Hi everyone. So..recently I've felt anxious and questioned the strength of my relationship and I'm not entirely sure why. I don't have any reason
Hello everyone tips / advice needed
Thank you everyone for the advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •