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Thread: GF situation - bit of a mess

  1. #1
    JFlo

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    GF situation - bit of a mess

    Hi all!

    Long story short as possible - my very sweet, beautiful, girlfriend (who I've been lucky enough to have been with for over 2 years) and I have been having some issues that I'd like unbiased opinions on.

    I think I created the problem back when we 1st got together as I didn't mention the fact that one of my closer friends is female - I guess partly through design (I was concerned at how she'd feel about me having a close female friend at 1st) and partially it simply didn't come up as me and said friend rarely spoke/met, especially at the time.

    This friend did declare a romantic interest in me at one stage last year just days after my gf broke up with me - my gf then explained that there had been some confusion and she hadn't intended to break up with me and we immediately were back together though she did go on to break up with me again just before Christmas ( we got together again after a few months).

    Anyway on rare occasions that my friend and I have met since it has led to bad reactions from my gf. My gf has been upfront with me in stating she wasn't happy she hadn't met the friend but 1) I don't see her often myself and 2) my gf's reactions to the times when we have met sort of made me uneasy about the whole situation. They did go on to meet and actually got on fairly well. Soon after, however, my girlfriend hacked my phone while I was in the shower and accessed private conversations between my friend and I. I'm not sure what she expected to find but has been extremely unhappy since with some of the comments my friend has made to me (some of which were last August) - they have argued since but now blocked each other.

    I was just wondering if anyone could let me know how I should feel about all this as I'm confused as to where certain lines of blame should be drawn and also how to move forwards (1st and foremost I'd like things to be better with my gf)?

    Thank you!

  2. #2
    rosephase
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    You've broken up two times in two years. It doesn't sound like your relationship is very stable or that either of you are very good at communication. How do you break up with someone but not intend it?

    Your friend has expressed romantic interest in you. I'm all for opposite gender friendships but having space for your friend is a fairly big ask of your girlfriend. And IF your friend is still hung up on you, you aren't doing her any favors by sticking around and not letting her heal and move on. It also sounds like your girlfriend doesn't trust you. So really it's a big ball of disfunction where none of you know how to handle relationships with good communication or respect.

    All that being said... what do you want? Do you want to keep trying with this woman who has dumped you twice and doesn't trust you? How much does closeness to your friend matter more than her own happiness and chance at a real relationship? What are you getting out of this situation?

  3. #3
    JFlo

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    Thanks for the response Rose - all makes a lot of sense, sometimes it really helps just to hear it from someone else and have it verified. My priority is to make things right with my gf. There were other issues between my gf and I at the time that definitely weren't anyone's fault and I understood her reasons - I think we're starting to get better with the communication too although obviously this was a big hiccup.

    With regards to the friend, she has pressured me a lot into meeting up but more recently I have simply started avoiding her as I feel it's perhaps best for all parties.

  4. #4
    rosephase
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFlo [Register to see the link]
    Thanks for the response Rose - all makes a lot of sense, sometimes it really helps just to hear it from someone else and have it verified. My priority is to make things right with my gf. There were other issues between my gf and I at the time that definitely weren't anyone's fault and I understood her reasons - I think we're starting to get better with the communication too although obviously this was a big hiccup.

    With regards to the friend, she has pressured me a lot into meeting up but more recently I have simply started avoiding her as I feel it's perhaps best for all parties.
    If you priority is your girlfriend then then let your friend know you are going to take some space from her. Don't blame it on your girlfriend. Don't say it's because of your girlfriend. Tell your friend that you respect her but feel like your friendship is hurtful to her while she is still hung up on you. And then follow through. Don't respond to her. Don't meet up with her. Let her move on and heal.

  5. #5
    JFlo

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    Thanks very much Rose - I'll do just that.

  6. #6
    reinventmyself
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    Is this to males view to Travellers Girl or Stressedgf post? or the same person.
    Too many similarities for first time OP's

  7. #7
    thealchemist
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    I am not one to put down friendships of opposite genders, it can be healthy in a relationship and being inherently against them looks like the SO is just insecure.

    That isn't the case if the individual has disclosed romantic feelings. I can understand her being upset by that.

    More to the point, this relationship seems very dramatic and a lot of work. Do you even want to be with this person? You two sound pretty low on compatibility.

  8. #8
    DanZee
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    Gfs get extremely jealous when there's another girl in the picture. They expect you to associate only with guys. My wife originally got jealous about the girl that cuts my hair, but I've known her longer than I've known my wife. She came along to the salon I go to a couple of times probably to make sure I wasn't getting any "happy endings."

    In any event, your gf sounds a bit flakey. What was the cause of the break ups? Maybe there's more of a clue there.

  9. #9
    rosephase
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    Quote Originally Posted by DanZee [Register to see the link]
    Gfs get extremely jealous when there's another girl in the picture. They expect you to associate only with guys. My wife originally got jealous about the girl that cuts my hair, but I've known her longer than I've known my wife. She came along to the salon I go to a couple of times probably to make sure I wasn't getting any "happy endings."

    In any event, your gf sounds a bit flakey. What was the cause of the break ups? Maybe there's more of a clue there.
    I'm a girlfriend. I love it when my partners have female friends. I take it as a good sign that they can love and respect women as something other than sexual or romantic objects. Not all women are that insecure.

  10. #10
    thealchemist
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    Quote Originally Posted by DanZee [Register to see the link]
    Gfs get extremely jealous when there's another girl in the picture. They expect you to associate only with guys. My wife originally got jealous about the girl that cuts my hair, but I've known her longer than I've known my wife. She came along to the salon I go to a couple of times probably to make sure I wasn't getting any "happy endings."

    In any event, your gf sounds a bit flakey. What was the cause of the break ups? Maybe there's more of a clue there.
    I have a dozen girlfriends that I have known longer than my wife. She never gets jealous. I go camping on long trips with these girls too. Jealous is only around with insecurity or just cause. Or sometimes just plain old crazy...

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