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Thread: Can we make this work?

  1. #1
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    Can we make this work?

    My ex and I were together for 7 years. We have a kid together. During the course of our relationship, he cheated, lied, I think he may have gotten someone else pregnant near the end of our relationship, but she miscarried. He nearly started a new life with another woman. During one of the times we separated in our breakup and he made clear that we were not together and he did not want to be with me, I started seeing someone else and we ended up having sex. My ex found out, broke his heart, but he wanted to make it work. So we agreed to work on it. But of course after that we just went downhill, ended the 7 year relationship, he moved on immediately which he was probably involved with the new woman while we were still together. 2 years later,recently we decided to try again. I feel like he's grown a lot, as he does about me. But he continues to bring up the past saying I betrayed him and that after his grandma passed I should've been there for him and that he has nobody anymore. It bothers me because still with everything he's done to me, I forgave, still here trying to help ignite his passions, build with him etc etc. I have forgiven myself for the mistakes of the past but he hasn't, seems like he blames me more than anything. He says he never meant to hurt me even though he did multiple times. My question is, what do I do? Do i wait for him to get over it? Or am I wasting time? I am doing everything necessary to gain his trust back, but I don't think he's working hard to gain mine back. I asked him does he want to make this work, he just keeps saying "know your place" no "yes or no" answer.

  2. #2
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    It seems he didn't change all that much and hasn't really forgiven himself for the crap he pulled in the relationship or, more importantly, you.

    It seems you'd be better off without him in your life :s

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Rustysuit
    It seems he didn't change all that much and hasn't really forgiven himself for the crap he pulled in the relationship or, more importantly, you.

    It seems you'd be better off without him in your life :s
    So you're saying he hasn't forgiven me?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Forgive you what exactly? The fact that you were broken up and pursued someone else while in his deluded mind he figured you'd just sit around as his back up plan?

    Please find your self respect and your sanity and boot this loser out of your life for good. He cheated on you, dumped you, ran off with other women. He is showing you that he is still the exact same selfish, self centered, uncaring a hole who will blame you and gaslight you. Get rid of him.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Forgive you what exactly? The fact that you were broken up and pursued someone else while in his deluded mind he figured you'd just sit around as his back up plan?

    Please find your self respect and your sanity and boot this loser out of your life for good. He cheated on you, dumped you, ran off with other women. He is showing you that he is still the exact same selfish, self centered, uncaring a hole who will blame you and gaslight you. Get rid of him.
    I don't know why it's so hard for me to move on. I figure my daughter should have both her parents but obviously that's not enough.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by beautybee
    I don't know why it's so hard for me to move on. I figure my daughter should have both her parents but obviously that's not enough.
    Your daughter is THE reason you should be booting him out of your life. You do not want your little girl growing up thinking that it's OK for a man to run around like a horny dog and that the woman should just sit home and turn the other cheek. You have to set a better example - show strength, teach her that when a man mistreats you, you leave him.

    That doesn't mean that she can't have a relationship with her dad, just that she will need to take him with a grain of salt. Please understand that in the end, that's healthier for her and her future relationships than what is happening now.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Your daughter is THE reason you should be booting him out of your life. You do not want your little girl growing up thinking that it's OK for a man to run around like a horny dog and that the woman should just sit home and turn the other cheek. You have to set a better example - show strength, teach her that when a man mistreats you, you leave him.

    That doesn't mean that she can't have a relationship with her dad, just that she will need to take him with a grain of salt. Please understand that in the end, that's healthier for her and her future relationships than what is happening now.
    Thank you so much.... pray for my strength and my healing.

  9. #8
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    When 2 people break up there's bound to be a lot of resentment going around from past deeds. When I said he didn't forgive you, it doesn't mean you did everything wrong, it's just that he can't let go of the past and is always using that as a weapon against you.

    It's common knowledge that when 2 exes get back together after some time, they shouldn't treat it as a continuation of the previous relationship, but rather a new, exciting one.

    If he keeps bringing things from the past that means he hasn't forgiven you or himself and is holding on to it. That also means he isn't ready for a rekindle. He's probably just looking for some comfort in you.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Rustysuit
    When 2 people break up there's bound to be a lot of resentment going around from past deeds. When I said he didn't forgive you, it doesn't mean you did everything wrong, it's just that he can't let go of the past and is always using that as a weapon against you.

    It's common knowledge that when 2 exes get back together after some time, they shouldn't treat it as a continuation of the previous relationship, but rather a new, exciting one.

    If he keeps bringing things from the past that means he hasn't forgiven you or himself and is holding on to it. That also means he isn't ready for a rekindle. He's probably just looking for some comfort in you.
    Comfort in me meaning what?

  11. #10
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    He only brings up the past, and holds it against you, and makes you feel like sh*t, so it can be his license (excuse) just in case he chooses to cheat again. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Don't ever put up with someone like that. All that blame and anger is really his way of deflecting; because he did all those things. Sorry, lady, but stop being a doormat. Think of this way, if your daughter was being treated like the way this guy treats you, I hope you would tell her to toss that guy.

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