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Thread: Violated Trust

  1. #1

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    Violated Trust

    I saw a woman's name I didn't know with a winky face next to it in my bf's texts and I felt suspicious. I took the slimy route and looked at their messages and he's furious. Saying this is as bad as an affair and that he'll never trust me again. I'm heartbroken and feeling hopeless. Last we spoke he was so angry and said he needed space to calm down. How can I possibly proceed?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Did you find anything worthwhile?

    I'd be lying if I said I'd dump my fiancee first offense if I found out she'd been snooping, but if we weren't engaged, I wouldn't hesitate. It'd still definitely be a gigantic blight were I discover she did so right now, though.

    That said, if you did discover something to make the violation "worth it," I'd react accordingly without letting him deflect by throwing stones over going through his phone.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Did you have a reason not to trust him pre winky?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Yeah, I mean if he is cheating then he is trying to shift blame onto you. He would be far more in the wrong here.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    pre winky

    Sorry, it just sounded funny

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    By not letting him turn this around on you or deflecting so that YOU feel guilty when he's been shady. I don't like snooping either but if there is a reason to snoop, and if you're going to do it, then you should have the wear-with-all to talk to him about what you found. You did but unfortunately, you allowed him to deflect blame back to you instead of redirecting the conversation back to why he's having flirty texts with or from other women.

    Were the messages enough to give you proof that he's cheating or leading up to it?
    How long have the two of you dated?
    What other gas-lighting and/or deflecting does he do on you if any?
    What made you check his phone in the first place?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Woah I'm surprised at the reactions here. Winky texts are immediately flirty regardless of context?

    If that's his biggest offense then OP is definitely in the wrong.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Woah I'm surprised at the reactions here. Winky texts are immediately flirty regardless of context?

    If that's his biggest offense then OP is definitely in the wrong.
    We shall see what the context of said "winky" texts are. Op has yet to answer the questions.

  10. #9

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    He and I have been together for two years, with a short break for a few months. The woman is a coworker of his. They exchanged sexual texts while we were apart, then things changed a bit once we got back together, still slightly past my comfort zone but better.

  11. #10

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    I should add that SHE is married. Which makes me question his boundaries for sure. I asked how he'd feel if we were married and another man was talking to me like that.

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