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Heartbroken.. Seeking advice to help me move on?


Helpmesavethis

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I posted about 2 weeks ago how I basically had a fairy tale relationship that ended overnight. He flipped from being all about me to telling me he was scared and didn't know what to do blah blah... I took advice from here and unfriended him on all social media etc. I deleted all of our messages. I've been no contact for 2 weeks today. But I'm so miserable. I cannot get him out of my mind no matter how hard I try. I cry all day every day. I'm truly trying. I think the biggest problem is that he was so perfect and didn't really do anything up to the day we "broke up" that I cannot wrap my head around what happened. I thought he really cared about me. Obviously his actions are speaking way louder than his words. I know all of this. I'm just finding it hard to move on. I have great friend support but I'm sure they get tired of hearing me cry about it. I keep myself busy but he won't leave my freaking head. It's driving me insane. I feel like a crazy person inside because of it.

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It happens to all of us.

 

"our ex is perfect" (mine still is after 3 months, but I think it's starting to slowly fading away)

"My friends are tired and bored of hearing about this" (I go through this everyday myself and sometimes I say nothing because I don't want to bother them. No easy way out of this. Just trust that you have good friends)

"It came out of the blue" (did it really? Try to think really hard. Maybe some little things happened or others you are ignoring)

 

Not understanding why might be a pain in the ass right now as you're looking for "closure", but the only closure you really need is that this person decided to end a good relationship.

 

If you can take it, I know there are posters who insist on knowing the full story and contact their ex and meet up for a talk...you can try this, but know that in all cases, they'll just say generic stuff and never the actual reason. Also, you might hear things you don't want to; like "I met somebody else." etc.

 

Anyway, you're not alone. We're trapped within ourselves when our hearts are broken. It's completely normal. It seems like nothing helps and that you'll stay like this forever and won't find love ever again.

 

Sounds familiar?

 

It does get better. Don't try to stay busy just for the sake of it. Allow yourself to process everything. It'll come down to you sooner or later, even if you try to avoid it.

 

The one thing you can't ever forget is your self-worth and what you really deserve (it's hard, I know - our self esteem has hit rock bottom and all of a sudden we're challenging who we really are, what we did and thinking "maybe if I had cut my hair or used better clothes", etc.)"

 

When you forget what you're worth, talk to a friend, reach out to someone, post here. Don't do anything rash.

You're more than this relationship and you're worth more than you feel right now.

 

It will get better. People heal from broken hearts every day, even though it's one of the hardest things in the world to do.

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Thank you. I don't want to meet up or talk to him if it's not to work it out. I can deal with no "closure"... Easier than like you said, him telling me something I don't want to hear and hurting me more... He literally went from being all about me fairy tale like to telling me he was scared and didn't know what to do. I guess really, I'm the one who ultimately broke it off because I don't want to be with someone who is unsure they want to be with me..... I hoped he would realize he wanted to be and he hasn't so here I am... I know I'll be ok. I know my heart will heal. It just sucks right now and it helps to talk about it and know others are going thru the same thing. And seeing how others deal with theirs helps too...

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Im having exactly the same situation, almost 4 weeks ago, you know.. Its so unfair, because in my case I gave everything and the result was being taken for granted, and not being valuated, the worst part is that I still want him back and hope for it. That is very wrong, because I bet I deserve a lot better, like you. Exactly like you I still cry and my friends/family are already tired of this, and angry at me because "i cannot just let go". Thats the reason we are in this forum. Look, he called me last weekend, and instead of keep ignoring him, I answered and we talked, the result.. Well now "he feels better" and thinks I feel better, because he made me the favor to call me, HE just have the case of GIGS.. He just doesnt know what he is losing, and that made me very sad and dissapointed, i hope one day he is going to regret it, now Im grieving and trying to live day by day and get better, slowly I feel the healing, but this is very hard. Im telling you this because you are not alone and it helps to hear from people who are living exactly the same situation. Dont waste your time trying to speak to him, or getting closure, they are just going to lie to you, and if they come back under pressure, they are going to leave you again, just grieve and try to let go. Good luck and I want to believe that there are some other guys out there, who are really worth of our time and our heart

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Absolutely your heart will heal. But it will suck for a long time. Not least as he ended it.

 

I've learnt after months of NC, and knowing in my head AND finally my heart that my relationship was wrong and was slowly withering on the vine, that being on the receiving end (first for me) really does dent your ego. I can only imagine what you must be going through if everything (in your mind anyway) was going as well as you say right up to that moment.

 

The suddeness of it (as was in my case) is ALWAYS a sign of an external factor. In mine, almost certainly another guy, but it could be friends' influence, greener-on-the-other-side syndrome or any combination.

 

It doesn't matter. You're out of what is obviously NOT the perfect relationship. You were fine before the relationship and you will fine after it.

 

To quote something I read here, the soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.

 

Good luck, and keep coming here to vent, muse, ask, or just to remind yourself how far you've come.

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Yes, it helps to talk to others going thru the same thing. And obviously there was something going on with him I had no idea about. I keep thinking of all the things he said to me and did for me and cannot fathom how he can go from telling me I consumed 92% of his daily thoughts to NOTHING... He would send me pictures of myself and say I was the girl he had fallen for. He constantly asked how he got to be so lucky. Gave me daily reasons why I was the best... I could go on and on. I just don't get it. But it is what it is and I'm trying to push forward as hard as it is.... Blah

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Yes, it helps to talk to others going thru the same thing. And obviously there was something going on with him I had no idea about. I keep thinking of all the things he said to me and did for me and cannot fathom how he can go from telling me I consumed 92% of his daily thoughts to NOTHING... He would send me pictures of myself and say I was the girl he had fallen for. He constantly asked how he got to be so lucky. Gave me daily reasons why I was the best... I could go on and on. I just don't get it. But it is what it is and I'm trying to push forward as hard as it is.... Blah

 

Exactly what happened to me. He kept telling how I was the woman of his dreams... I felt like I was always the 'stronger' side. Well, here I am now. I feel like an idiot.

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Mandala, Helpmesavethis, I can appreciate you feeling the way you both do, but you shouldn't feel the fool, or like an idiot. If you feel you have nothing wrong to cause the breakup of the relationship, then stop blaming yourself. Self doubt is only natural when a breakup happens, especially if you aren't the person who has ended things.

 

I've been there myself. It'll hurt for a long time, it still does for me. Over time though, I have realised that maybe the relationship wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I wasn't innocent in the breakdown, but neither was she.

 

Cliche, but time can be a great healer. No matter how hard things may seem right now.

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You need to cry and you need to vent and you need support. It hard when you don't really get any justification or just 'out of the blue'. I have been in relationships that I left because of cheating and that is much easier, in my opinion than suddenly your s/o just saying 'I don't want to be with you anymore'

 

You think to yourself what did you do wrong, how could you have been better, what could you have fixed. This mentality is evil. YOU were the best you could be, YOU did nothing wrong, and nothing needed fixing. He lost you. End of story. If he wasn't ready for a good thing, his loss. You will find someone, eventually, that will appreciate everything you have to offer and respect everything you do

 

For now, eat that ice cream, watch those crappy movies, confide in friends, or us on here. Get rid of anything you can that reminds you of that person and find something you enjoy. During a really hard break up for me, I used to go on long walk which led to hiking. Hiking became such a huge interest to me and actually the number one thing me and my current s/o enjoy doing together.

You will get through this and it will make you a stronger, better person (if that is even possible)

 

much love.

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Mandala, Helpmesavethis, I can appreciate you feeling the way you both do, but you shouldn't feel the fool, or like an idiot. If you feel you have nothing wrong to cause the breakup of the relationship, then stop blaming yourself. Self doubt is only natural when a breakup happens, especially if you aren't the person who has ended things.

 

I've been there myself. It'll hurt for a long time, it still does for me. Over time though, I have realised that maybe the relationship wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I wasn't innocent in the breakdown, but neither was she.

 

Cliche, but time can be a great healer. No matter how hard things may seem right now.

 

I feel like a fool for trusting and believing in him and then for him to do a complete turnaround on me. I know I'm a good person. I was great to him. He was great to me. I wish I could hate him. That would help me get over it but I don't. I keep thinking about how great he was and everything he did right. Literally until the last day... Ugh......

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You need to cry and you need to vent and you need support. It hard when you don't really get any justification or just 'out of the blue'. I have been in relationships that I left because of cheating and that is much easier, in my opinion than suddenly your s/o just saying 'I don't want to be with you anymore'

 

You think to yourself what did you do wrong, how could you have been better, what could you have fixed. This mentality is evil. YOU were the best you could be, YOU did nothing wrong, and nothing needed fixing. He lost you. End of story. If he wasn't ready for a good thing, his loss. You will find someone, eventually, that will appreciate everything you have to offer and respect everything you do

 

For now, eat that ice cream, watch those crappy movies, confide in friends, or us on here. Get rid of anything you can that reminds you of that person and find something you enjoy. During a really hard break up for me, I used to go on long walk which led to hiking. Hiking became such a huge interest to me and actually the number one thing me and my current s/o enjoy doing together.

You will get through this and it will make you a stronger, better person (if that is even possible)

 

much love.

 

Thanks so much. I know all of this. It's just hard. I thought he was different.... Shame on me....

 

 

And I have had to stay strong because of my daughter but she'll be with her dad this weekend and I plan to do exactly as your last paragraph states... I'm going to cry it out all weekend and hopefully help myself to began healing.

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Thank you Ginaloribic. I mostly feel stupid for letting someone convince me sgain. I should have known better, I had my great deal of pain in the past... I don't blame myself for the end of it, I'm just disappointed in myself, I'm still in disbelieve that a person that seemed so sensitive about my pain can suddenly give me the cold shoulder as nothing happened. I'm not an idiot, I certainly know that, but I do am very empathic, and have the feeling that because of that I will never cease to make the same mistake.

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I feel your pain. I am in a similar situation. My ex gf, who broke up with me out of nowhere after almost a year, was so perfect, or at least ive tricked myself into thinking that, during our relationship. I cry all the time to, the pain is massive and unlike anything i have ever felt before. I have to see her every day now in school, today was the first day and it was beyond miserable. It does start to feel better with time though. Its been almost 2 months since she broke up with me and i defintely wouldnt say that i have improved massively or that im all better, but very slowly things have started to improve. More than anything, i feel like i can see the light at the end of the tunnel now, i feel like its possible for me to move on. However the pain and sadness is still massive and has a huge effect on my life, but im confident i will get there, and in the mean time i just have to try to live my life. I think you should do the same. The first step is accepting its over. If, when u read that u shook ur head "no" or thought screw that, then you're just not ready yet. It took me about a month, and a failed attempt at reconciliation before i accepted it was over. Once you have done that, you can try to rationalize things and get to a better state of mind. Try to tell yourself some of these things.It was great while it lasted, but its over now. Its not my fault, and even if i did make mistakes im only human. It hurts a lot and i dont agree with that persons desicion to end it, and i feel betrayed and hurt, but it is what it is. It hurts a lot right now and theres nothing i can do about that, so i will just let my feelings happen, express them in healthy ways, and know that eventually this will all be ok, and i will be happy and this wont be so big and painful. Write stuff like that down on sticky notes and put them all over your house or room if u want, thats what i did. It hurts and sucks a lot, but it will get better, just keep battling, im right there with you

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I feel your pain. I am in a similar situation. My ex gf, who broke up with me out of nowhere after almost a year, was so perfect, or at least ive tricked myself into thinking that, during our relationship. I cry all the time to, the pain is massive and unlike anything i have ever felt before. I have to see her every day now in school, today was the first day and it was beyond miserable. It does start to feel better with time though. Its been almost 2 months since she broke up with me and i defintely wouldnt say that i have improved massively or that im all better, but very slowly things have started to improve. More than anything, i feel like i can see the light at the end of the tunnel now, i feel like its possible for me to move on. However the pain and sadness is still massive and has a huge effect on my life, but im confident i will get there, and in the mean time i just have to try to live my life. I think you should do the same. The first step is accepting its over. If, when u read that u shook ur head "no" or thought screw that, then you're just not ready yet. It took me about a month, and a failed attempt at reconciliation before i accepted it was over. Once you have done that, you can try to rationalize things and get to a better state of mind. Try to tell yourself some of these things.It was great while it lasted, but its over now. Its not my fault, and even if i did make mistakes im only human. It hurts a lot and i dont agree with that persons desicion to end it, and i feel betrayed and hurt, but it is what it is. It hurts a lot right now and theres nothing i can do about that, so i will just let my feelings happen, express them in healthy ways, and know that eventually this will all be ok, and i will be happy and this wont be so big and painful. Write stuff like that down on sticky notes and put them all over your house or room if u want, thats what i did. It hurts and sucks a lot, but it will get better, just keep battling, im right there with you

 

Awe. I'm sure it's hard seeing her. Thankfully I don't have that problem but I did with another ex and it was extremely difficult. Try to hold your head up and stay strong.

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How is everyone today??? I'm feeling a little better but it still hurts like hell. Just taking it day by day I guess is all I can do...

 

Today is a bad day for me, again cried and the stupid insecurities came again.. Almost 4 weeks, and still dont understand why is this so hard I just want it to stop... Glad you are feeling better.. Tomorrow is going to be better for me as well

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Today is a bad day for me, again cried and the stupid insecurities came again.. Almost 4 weeks, and still dont understand why is this so hard I just want it to stop... Glad you are feeling better.. Tomorrow is going to be better for me as well

 

It sucks. I'm not ok by any means but I keep telling myself if he truly cared for or loved and wanted to be with me... Then he would be... And he's not. So.. I have to make myself move on. It hurts so bad but I know I'll get thru it. It'll just take time. Hugs to you. Keep your head held high...

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It sucks. I'm not ok by any means but I keep telling myself if he truly cared for or loved and wanted to be with me... Then he would be... And he's not. So.. I have to make myself move on. It hurts so bad but I know I'll get thru it. It'll just take time. Hugs to you. Keep your head held high...

 

You are right, who loves you really, doesnt abandon us, as simple as that.. So why are we still crying and longing for someone who clearly isnt doing the same for us? It takes time, but we must grieve and let it go.. Thank you for your hugs, I send them to you as well and of course Im keeping my head high

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It is truly heartwrenching. So, I ended up calling him early this morning because i saw in the news that the hurrican hit pretty hard there and I was worried for his safety. He kept thanking me for being preoccupied about him. He also told me that he loves me, I said I do too and we both said that we miss each other. He also made me hear the sound of the rain and we have remembered an episode of us being under the rain covered by trashbags, we laughed about it and before the line went down (due to the weather they have no power, no internet and the phone lines are not working properly), he said he didn't know when he was going to have internet back, but I assume he was going to tell me something about getting in touch later.

Well, the result is that I feel better in a way and literally like S%/T in another way. I miss him like hell and of course, because I still don't know where we stand, I'm full of doubts.

I know it was the right think to do, because of the particular kind of situation, but what am I supposed to do now and how should I interpret it??? 😭😭😭

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