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Thread: Heartbroken.. Seeking advice to help me move on?

  1. #1
    Helpmesavethis
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    Heartbroken.. Seeking advice to help me move on?

    I posted about 2 weeks ago how I basically had a fairy tale relationship that ended overnight. He flipped from being all about me to telling me he was scared and didn't know what to do blah blah... I took advice from here and unfriended him on all social media etc. I deleted all of our messages. I've been no contact for 2 weeks today. But I'm so miserable. I cannot get him out of my mind no matter how hard I try. I cry all day every day. I'm truly trying. I think the biggest problem is that he was so perfect and didn't really do anything up to the day we "broke up" that I cannot wrap my head around what happened. I thought he really cared about me. Obviously his actions are speaking way louder than his words. I know all of this. I'm just finding it hard to move on. I have great friend support but I'm sure they get tired of hearing me cry about it. I keep myself busy but he won't leave my freaking head. It's driving me insane. I feel like a crazy person inside because of it.

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  3. #2
    Rustysuit
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    It happens to all of us.

    "our ex is perfect" (mine still is after 3 months, but I think it's starting to slowly fading away)
    "My friends are tired and bored of hearing about this" (I go through this everyday myself and sometimes I say nothing because I don't want to bother them. No easy way out of this. Just trust that you have good friends)
    "It came out of the blue" (did it really? Try to think really hard. Maybe some little things happened or others you are ignoring)

    Not understanding why might be a pain in the ass right now as you're looking for "closure", but the only closure you really need is that this person decided to end a good relationship.

    If you can take it, I know there are posters who insist on knowing the full story and contact their ex and meet up for a talk...you can try this, but know that in all cases, they'll just say generic stuff and never the actual reason. Also, you might hear things you don't want to; like "I met somebody else." etc.

    Anyway, you're not alone. We're trapped within ourselves when our hearts are broken. It's completely normal. It seems like nothing helps and that you'll stay like this forever and won't find love ever again.

    Sounds familiar?

    It does get better. Don't try to stay busy just for the sake of it. Allow yourself to process everything. It'll come down to you sooner or later, even if you try to avoid it.

    The one thing you can't ever forget is your self-worth and what you really deserve (it's hard, I know - our self esteem has hit rock bottom and all of a sudden we're challenging who we really are, what we did and thinking "maybe if I had cut my hair or used better clothes", etc.)"

    When you forget what you're worth, talk to a friend, reach out to someone, post here. Don't do anything rash.
    You're more than this relationship and you're worth more than you feel right now.

    It will get better. People heal from broken hearts every day, even though it's one of the hardest things in the world to do.

  4. #3
    Helpmesavethis
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    Thank you. I don't want to meet up or talk to him if it's not to work it out. I can deal with no "closure"... Easier than like you said, him telling me something I don't want to hear and hurting me more... He literally went from being all about me fairy tale like to telling me he was scared and didn't know what to do. I guess really, I'm the one who ultimately broke it off because I don't want to be with someone who is unsure they want to be with me..... I hoped he would realize he wanted to be and he hasn't so here I am... I know I'll be ok. I know my heart will heal. It just sucks right now and it helps to talk about it and know others are going thru the same thing. And seeing how others deal with theirs helps too...

  5. #4
    Schockobaerin
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    Im having exactly the same situation, almost 4 weeks ago, you know.. Its so unfair, because in my case I gave everything and the result was being taken for granted, and not being valuated, the worst part is that I still want him back and hope for it. That is very wrong, because I bet I deserve a lot better, like you. Exactly like you I still cry and my friends/family are already tired of this, and angry at me because "i cannot just let go". Thats the reason we are in this forum. Look, he called me last weekend, and instead of keep ignoring him, I answered and we talked, the result.. Well now "he feels better" and thinks I feel better, because he made me the favor to call me, HE just have the case of GIGS.. He just doesnt know what he is losing, and that made me very sad and dissapointed, i hope one day he is going to regret it, now Im grieving and trying to live day by day and get better, slowly I feel the healing, but this is very hard. Im telling you this because you are not alone and it helps to hear from people who are living exactly the same situation. Dont waste your time trying to speak to him, or getting closure, they are just going to lie to you, and if they come back under pressure, they are going to leave you again, just grieve and try to let go. Good luck and I want to believe that there are some other guys out there, who are really worth of our time and our heart

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    EternalOptimis
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    Absolutely your heart will heal. But it will suck for a long time. Not least as he ended it.

    I've learnt after months of NC, and knowing in my head AND finally my heart that my relationship was wrong and was slowly withering on the vine, that being on the receiving end (first for me) really does dent your ego. I can only imagine what you must be going through if everything (in your mind anyway) was going as well as you say right up to that moment.

    The suddeness of it (as was in my case) is ALWAYS a sign of an external factor. In mine, almost certainly another guy, but it could be friends' influence, greener-on-the-other-side syndrome or any combination.

    It doesn't matter. You're out of what is obviously NOT the perfect relationship. You were fine before the relationship and you will fine after it.

    To quote something I read here, the soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.

    Good luck, and keep coming here to vent, muse, ask, or just to remind yourself how far you've come.

  8. #6
    Mandala
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    I'm also in a terrible spot today, I feel incredibly alone. Oh God, how hard it is, I can't stop crying...

  9. #7
    Helpmesavethis
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    Yes, it helps to talk to others going thru the same thing. And obviously there was something going on with him I had no idea about. I keep thinking of all the things he said to me and did for me and cannot fathom how he can go from telling me I consumed 92% of his daily thoughts to NOTHING... He would send me pictures of myself and say I was the girl he had fallen for. He constantly asked how he got to be so lucky. Gave me daily reasons why I was the best... I could go on and on. I just don't get it. But it is what it is and I'm trying to push forward as hard as it is.... Blah

  10. #8
    Mandala
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    Quote Originally Posted by Helpmesavethis [Register to see the link]
    Yes, it helps to talk to others going thru the same thing. And obviously there was something going on with him I had no idea about. I keep thinking of all the things he said to me and did for me and cannot fathom how he can go from telling me I consumed 92% of his daily thoughts to NOTHING... He would send me pictures of myself and say I was the girl he had fallen for. He constantly asked how he got to be so lucky. Gave me daily reasons why I was the best... I could go on and on. I just don't get it. But it is what it is and I'm trying to push forward as hard as it is.... Blah
    Exactly what happened to me. He kept telling how I was the woman of his dreams... I felt like I was always the 'stronger' side. Well, here I am now. I feel like an idiot.

  11. #9
    Helpmesavethis
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandala [Register to see the link]
    Exactly what happened to me. He kept telling how I was the woman of his dreams... I felt like I was always the 'stronger' side. Well, here I am now. I feel like an idiot.
    You and me both... I have been hurt in the past but he seemed so sure about me that it made me sure about him. I feel like a fool..

  12. #10
    ginaloribic
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    Mandala, Helpmesavethis, I can appreciate you feeling the way you both do, but you shouldn't feel the fool, or like an idiot. If you feel you have nothing wrong to cause the breakup of the relationship, then stop blaming yourself. Self doubt is only natural when a breakup happens, especially if you aren't the person who has ended things.

    I've been there myself. It'll hurt for a long time, it still does for me. Over time though, I have realised that maybe the relationship wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I wasn't innocent in the breakdown, but neither was she.

    Cliche, but time can be a great healer. No matter how hard things may seem right now.

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