Whoa, is this normal?

K (boyfriend) and I went to see his family recently. Despite some really bad mishaps (no water for part of the visit, no working toilet, kids had GI virus, then we woke up to parents GONE for hours and we had to watch the kids, etc.) well, it was an okay, typical visit I guess. Lots of Netflix.

The night before we left, we told his brother/SIL that we would leave in the morning. SIL is very pregnant and we told her we wouldn't wake her up cause she wanted to sleep in. She agreed, cool.. the morning we left, we said bye to the brother (he left early for work) and we packed our things up. The kids came out, 5 y/o female and 2 y/o male. The girl had dressed herself. We had a small conversation with them and they wanted to watch one of their favorite movies so I got set it up for them on Netflix. We told them we had to go. They asked questions, we answered. It was understood we were going and it would They hugged us goodbye, waved goodbye, and were sitting quietly on the couch when we left. We locked the doorknob behind us.

Okay so.. That evening, when we were back in our city, I gets an angry/alarmed text from his brother. He says that when he got home from work that evening, his daughter burst into tears and told him that we left and never said goodbye or hugged her. She was apparently crying and yelling at it. Said that we ignored her and just left and never said goodbye. His wife had slept in and therefore couldn't verify anything. He believed his daughter.

This is an outright lie. K set him straight but I am alarmed. Why would she lie like that? Is that normal for a 5 year old? I'm concerned that this is a sign that she be devious and will lie about bigger things in the future.

Oh, and before anyone asks, we don't think that the brother lied to us. He is kind of dense and couldn't lie his way out of a cardboard box. That's just how he is.

Kids lie. They are seeing what they can and can't do. They are testing reactions from their parents. Not all children go through phases of lying but most of them do. They are figuring out how to be human. They get lied too all the time. They need to test their boundaries. I don't think there is any real reason to be concerned.

Many kids lie to test boundaries.

Okay guys, thanks. I wasn't sure! I knew I lied some as a kid but it was more about "yes I ate that" or "no I didn't break that thing". The emotional manipulation part worried me.

Perhaps what is concerning here isn't that she lied, but that her father believed her and sent K an upset text. He needs to get a clue.

Considering the environment she's raised in I'm not surprised .

I actually had ringing in my ears when K and I got back home. At first, I thought it was something I did, (car radio too loud? Nope, not that) but then I remembered all the incessant screaming from the trip, and I'm not just talking about the kids. I didn't yell though, nor did K, but he sat on that non working toilet a lot.

It's a bad situation. But yeah it's out of my hands.

What country is this in?

I agree with the others and it sounds like it is a plea on her part for attention ... they seem to be lacking a routine and consistency so creating all this drama gives her attention .

I wonder if their mom said something when she got up about you not saying good-bye (to her) and her daughter took that in, and reformed her memory about it.

Holly, this is in USA.

And yes, Journey, that is a possibility. SIL told us she wanted to sleep in and we agreed not to wake her and I'm still glad we did that because she is really pregnant and not feeling well.

Poor little guys. I agree it sounds to me like a hunger for attention. It's hard to know exactly but my guess would be this is her way of letting it be known she didn't want you and k to leave.

It may sound strange, but when I was working with children in the system ( and I know they are not in the system, but from what you have said these kids are growing up in a lot of instability ), I heard many children lying in this way as a way to try to get more time with someone they like.

That's sad but it makes a lot of sense. K and I are pretty calm and didn't yell at them. The first morning we woke up and found that the kids were alone and the parents had taken off (some OB appointment and breakfast, but we didn't know that!), K and I got Netflix set up and we had them watch new movies (kid ones of course) that they hadn't seen yet and they were silent because they were concentrating on the movies which allowed K and I to walk into the kitchen. The girl then said "my stomach hurts" and I led her into the bathroom and sat on the tub edge while she had diarrhea. She asked me why I took her into the bathroom when she said her tummy hurt and I said "because when your tummy hurts like that, it means you may throw up or get diarrhea so it's a good idea to go sit on the toilet so you are ready."

She seemed stunned. She started asking me all these questions. I find it really sad. When I was 5, I learned about atomic bombs and genitals and her parents have left her very unaware of things about her own body.

This is not good at all.

Holly, this is in USA.

 

And yes, Journey, that is a possibility. SIL told us she wanted to sleep in and we agreed not to wake her and I'm still glad we did that because she is really pregnant and not feeling well.

Are they in Houston?

Are they in Houston?

That would explain a lot of the instability, yes? But no, they are not in Houston. We're all in the NE USA so very far away from both Houston and the south in general.

The toilet and water issue got fixed during our visit by the landlord.

It's possible the girl lied...but it's also just as possible that she forgot you said goodbye to her. Kids are weird, sometimes. I've seen kids bring themselves to tears swearing up and down that they never got their paper for a homework assignment, only for me to find it, completed, in their folder a few minutes later. For a five year old, it's perfectly reasonable that part of her brain was occupied with her favorite movie, so she didn't realize you were really leaving when you hugged her and said goodbye... and then later, when her movie ended, she realized you were actually gone, and got upset about it. Kids make themselves hysterical over things that didn't even happen every once and a while. It's nothing to be concerned about.

Now why your brother decided to call you all upset instead of just talking in a reassuring voice to his daughter, I don't understand.

Wow, I didn't know that it's common for kids to do that, have memory lapses. I know so little about kids/babies in general. Good to know.

Anyway, the baby was finally born. K sent his congrats via text but we don't plan to see them for another several months. And we're okay with that.

My daughter told me yesterday that the seasoning containers in our pantry opened and fell on the floor by themselves and that she tried to tell them "no" but they didn't listen.

Kids lie.

Yes, apparently they do, and sometimes for no (perceivable) reason. I can deal with lying adults because it's easier to figure out their motives for why they lie. That's easy to understand. Lying for no reason? Oh it drives me batty. I don't know how parents do it. >

Yes, apparently they do, and sometimes for no (perceivable) reason. I can deal with lying adults because it's easier to figure out their motives for why they lie. That's easy to understand. Lying for no reason? Oh it drives me batty. I don't know how parents do it. >

It is actually really really normal. My daughter lies about stuff because she doesn't remember yet she wants to give me an answer. Or because she wants to see my response. Most often it is simply to text boundaries.