First time trying this, I don't usually talk...

Hey,

This is my first time with something like this. I'm usually very quiet about my emotions and stuff despite knowing I have a lot of issues. I want to talk about someone I met recently, I feel like I should start at the beginning. I'll try to make it as short as possible.

First of all, I feel it's important to let you all know that I've never had a good experience with men and my only serious relationship (we were almost married) was extremely abusive in every way. Even though that relationship is long over, I still suffer from it and probably have some form of PTSD. As a result of my bad experience, I've always shut men out and refused to let anyone in. Mainly because I was terrified that they'd abuse me though it's what I always expect.

I'm often put in online group chats on WhatsApp and Twitter. I've met some great people from online that way. That's how I met him... We were randomly added to a new group chat, he was added a few hours after myself. We instantly clicked. Our banter and the way we got along was amazing. We butt heads once because of how stubborn we both are but it passed and we joke about it now. I found myself oddly attracted despite him being nothing like my usual type, I had even fantasised about being with him on the first night we talked. For some reason, I wanted to be close to him. I know I definitely had a similar impact on him.

A week later, we were in each other's private messages and we'd talk for hours everyday. The conversation never got boring and we were often on the same wavelength. I could tell that he was feeling the same toward me. We just clicked instantaneously. We have been open and honest with each other about everything from the start and we trust each other with everything. There's just one thing... He lives in another country.

He was born in the west so he sounds like he's from the same place as myself but his family moved away when he was young and most of his life had been in a foreign country. He comes back here every summer and lived here for two years to study before movingly back abroad to go to uni close to his family.

He accepts me as I am and I do him, despite both of our pasts. He's never judged me and has dealt with my issues (for example, I get extreme mood swings, prone to self harm, I still get flashbacks of my ex etc.) extremely well. He finally came here for the summer and I was so excited yet nervous. All he could talk about was how much he wanted to see me but we were choosing to wait a while first so he can settle in. That didn't happen as I became afraid and tried to cut him off. I was afraid of the closeness. He wouldn't let me go and we ended up meeting that day. From then onwards, we'd meet regularly and ended being unoffically together. He's definitely my best friend.

Here's the thing, despite all of this, I'm still unsure if I love him or not. I think it's a bit soon to tell. However, I do know this; summer is now over and he's going in two days. I burst into tears the last time I saw him because of it and he's still trying to extend his ticket so he can spend more time with me but it's looking unlikely.

My heart feels so heavy.

I feel like it's stupid to feel like this, I've been crying a lot too. I don't want him to go and I'm not sure if I can handle the distance now. I know he feels the same but he doesn't really have a choice. Just writing this is making me want to well up. He's so wonderful, you know. Treats me like a queen. Best man I've ever met (aside from my dad, of course!)

I miss him already. I don't know how to deal with it at all. It's a bit silly too because I know we'll keep contact, he's not leaving forever and I'll see him next summer if things go well but so much can happen in a year and I'm so scared to lose him. First, I was scared to have him and now I never want to see him go. It's all pretty deep.

Anyway, I feel like I rambled a bit, I'm sorry I was meant to keep it short. I guess I was just venting my feelings a bit too. Emotions have been a thing I have never really learnt to deal with. If you've bothered to read all of this, I'm extremely grateful and I'm sorry again for it being so long. I'm going to end it here.

Thank you all

Hey,

 

This is my first time with something like this. I'm usually very quiet about my emotions and stuff despite knowing I have a lot of issues. I want to talk about someone I met recently, I feel like I should start at the beginning. I'll try to make it as short as possible.

 

First of all, I feel it's important to let you all know that I've never had a good experience with men and my only serious relationship (we were almost married) was extremely abusive in every way. Even though that relationship is long over, I still suffer from it and probably have some form of PTSD. As a result of my bad experience, I've always shut men out and refused to let anyone in. Mainly because I was terrified that they'd abuse me though it's what I always expect.

 

I'm often put in online group chats on WhatsApp and Twitter. I've met some great people from online that way. That's how I met him... We were randomly added to a new group chat, he was added a few hours after myself. We instantly clicked. Our banter and the way we got along was amazing. We butt heads once because of how stubborn we both are but it passed and we joke about it now. I found myself oddly attracted despite him being nothing like my usual type, I had even fantasised about being with him on the first night we talked. For some reason, I wanted to be close to him. I know I definitely had a similar impact on him.

 

A week later, we were in each other's private messages and we'd talk for hours everyday. The conversation never got boring and we were often on the same wavelength. I could tell that he was feeling the same toward me. We just clicked instantaneously. We have been open and honest with each other about everything from the start and we trust each other with everything. There's just one thing... He lives in another country.

 

He was born in the west so he sounds like he's from the same place as myself but his family moved away when he was young and most of his life had been in a foreign country. He comes back here every summer and lived here for two years to study before movingly back abroad to go to uni close to his family.

 

He accepts me as I am and I do him, despite both of our pasts. He's never judged me and has dealt with my issues (for example, I get extreme mood swings, prone to self harm, I still get flashbacks of my ex etc.) extremely well. He finally came here for the summer and I was so excited yet nervous. All he could talk about was how much he wanted to see me but we were choosing to wait a while first so he can settle in. That didn't happen as I became afraid and tried to cut him off. I was afraid of the closeness. He wouldn't let me go and we ended up meeting that day. From then onwards, we'd meet regularly and ended being unoffically together. He's definitely my best friend.

 

Here's the thing, despite all of this, I'm still unsure if I love him or not. I think it's a bit soon to tell. However, I do know this; summer is now over and he's going in two days. I burst into tears the last time I saw him because of it and he's still trying to extend his ticket so he can spend more time with me but it's looking unlikely.

 

My heart feels so heavy.

 

I feel like it's stupid to feel like this, I've been crying a lot too. I don't want him to go and I'm not sure if I can handle the distance now. I know he feels the same but he doesn't really have a choice. Just writing this is making me want to well up. He's so wonderful, you know. Treats me like a queen. Best man I've ever met (aside from my dad, of course!)

 

I miss him already. I don't know how to deal with it at all. It's a bit silly too because I know we'll keep contact, he's not leaving forever and I'll see him next summer if things go well but so much can happen in a year and I'm so scared to lose him. First, I was scared to have him and now I never want to see him go. It's all pretty deep.

 

Anyway, I feel like I rambled a bit, I'm sorry I was meant to keep it short. I guess I was just venting my feelings a bit too. Emotions have been a thing I have never really learnt to deal with. If you've bothered to read all of this, I'm extremely grateful and I'm sorry again for it being so long. I'm going to end it here.

 

Thank you all

 

If you're like me, just by writing that you felt a little better. I hate that you had that abusive relationship. Yes, probably PTSD. I'm in a long-distance relationship also. Circumstances suck...but I know how it feels to not want someone to go away. I wish you all the best.

I am happy you have moved on with you life and are open to having a relationship again. First of all I think you need to understand that it's a new relationship and you went into it knowing the distance between the 2 of you. I would take it one day at a time, take it slow and get to know one another by communication platforms available to you in order to keep the closeness and momentum. The last thing you need is him thinking you are too clingy or a cause for concern by being overly emotional over his departure back home. Secondly I would try to see him earlier than the summer, try to establish where you both are in terms of this relationship and see if there is a way to visit one another more now that you are together. I am in a long distant relationship myself and we see each other 6 times a year and it's always hard to see him go. I wish you all the best and keep us posted!