Deeply concerned and in worry and pain, anxiety sadness that long distance relationship in jeapoardy

If I were to cover everything here, it would be much too long - so let me just say that I met an INCREDIBLE man, 3 years ago on a dating site. We live in different areas of the country. His area is going through natural disaster now - which makes this all so much harder for me not being there with him, but ALSO, really emphasizes how much I love him.

Anyway, I'm skipping a lot, but the bottom line is that I've been non-committal, but I deeply love him. He says he loves me too and will not "cut me" out of his life.

He told me recently that he has started dating someone - it's been going on for a few months and he likes him. I don't want to lose him; I'm willing to move there to be with him - can't even get there right now (yes it is Houston). I've been out of work for a few months and so have volunteered to go down there, when and if volunteer organizations are ABLE to bring out of state volunteers there. YES, a lot of this is that I want to be "closer" to him - but it is also genuinely, about wanting to be of service, helping people. I've also applied for paid job (with FEMA) to go over there and work. I did not and would not, "expect" that I would stay with him. Again, I'm just emphasizing the strong bond I have to the area, because of my connection with him.

He and his daughters, thank G-d, got very lucky and their home is okay. I wish I had been there. He's "hung in" with me for 3 years - I don't want to have to go into all the things and reasons - but please trust when I tell you that I'm in the process of "un-ing" myself - I know what really matters - and believe that anything I would have to "give up", from moving from part of the country where I have been, to be able to be with him (and work in that area) would be well worth it! But I don't know if I will get that chance now.

I'm not sure how to approach or deal with all this. We are definitely in communication - he's also in communication with my family - my Mom and Sister have emailed or texted or called him to make sure he is okay. I want him to give us at least one time to be together again, romantically, and for me to know what he needs- sexually, and in every other way, and to show that I can give that to him, and very much enjoy that myself. I do not want to hurt the new guy he is dating at all -I'm not about that at all, and yes, I want "my" buy to be happy, but I do need to "fight" for myself here, and do whatever I can to try and win/woo/let him give us one more chance?

Trust that, based on the connection we have, we will always be in each other's lives, but I'm really scared that this other guy, who is in his city, is going to take him away from me, and that he will not be romantically available for me. I also want to admit that him, and his friends talked to me, quite a while ago, to "let me know" or "put me on notice" that he was keeping his options open because what I would do was unknown. I can't go through all our saved emails right now to kind of see when - because it is too painful to do so - but believe me it was a while. Again, I'm not a bad person, I just - for many reasons, have been a very non-committal person. I don't want to be like that anymore! I really, somehow, want to have a fighting chance with him. I love him very, very much.

Have you told him all this ...It is admirable that you want to go to help in the aftermath , but could you do that still if you knew you had no chance . He has told you he with someone else and has been for some months , so why not just tell him what you have said here before you get out there .

Thank you, pipply longstocking,

yes, I've told him all this. And yes, even if I knew I had no chance I still want to go down there and help people, and get some soul-feeding from that, - as long as the disaster response and relief organizations can coordinate to provide accommodations, food, facilities, etc to us out of town volunteers. I can't afford it myself and of course, I would not make any assumptions about anyone wanting me to stay with them, if that makes sense? One of the agencies I registered with is not from that area.

And, he is VERY accomplished in life, and has a heart of true gold. I would be happy to do something that would make him proud of me, at least.

Thank you, pipply longstocking,

yes, I've told him all this. And yes, even if I knew I had no chance I still want to go down there and help people, and get some soul-feeding from that, - as long as the disaster response and relief organizations can coordinate to provide accommodations, food, facilities, etc to us out of town volunteers. I can't afford it myself and of course, I would not make any assumptions about anyone wanting me to stay with them, if that makes sense? One of the agencies I registered with is not from that area.

And, he is VERY accomplished in life, and has a heart of true gold. I would be happy to do something that would make him proud of me, at least.

You have a good heart and it sounds like you can do a lot to help right now .

What was his response when you told him ?

You have a good heart and it sounds like you can do a lot to help right now .

 

What was his response when you told him ?

He said he thought it is good. I'm unemployed and job seeking, so he said that he just wants me to find something that will be meaningful to me and that I'll enjoy and can have growth. He's been with me the whole way - through a lot of stuff over 3 years. He doesn't think being an on-call or disaster relief worker would be good for me as a full time permanent job, but he seemed to come across that this can be good all around for something now. I'm getting prepared to go, if they call me. Thanks to him, I can do this and keep a roof available for me here at "home" (not really home, but just using the term). Thank you again, for what you've said.