My parents and my University/College fund

Hello everyone on this site, this is going to be a long one. My sister and I have just moved out of my mother's house (with my father co-signing for our place as I am 22 years old and my sister is 19). He has offered to help us pay rent until we can take over, which shouldn't be a problem. Now my mother has told me that there is enough in a University/College fund to pay for one year of school for me, but the rest she has spent on a roof for our cottage (or so she says). I have no proof of how much is in this fund and she has removed my dad's name altogether even though it was originally a joint fund. I don't press her as she gets nasty and has been physically violent with me in the past (let's not discuss the trouble I went through to just leave the house)! She says she only spent about $3,000 of it, but my dad says his financial advisor estimated that the account should've been at around $60,000, and this was years ago. I believe my father because my mother stops at nothing to finance her house and her cottage (that her parents left her) - she has taken my birthday money and my sister's birthday money throughout our childhoods, asked us to pay for our own groceries and living expenses and before we moved out, she stole over $80 from my sister a few days before - all her tips and the money in her bag. My mother also lives in a house with no working bathroom or fridge. She goes to the bathroom outside because she can't afford the bills alone on the two houses on one part-time job and she has cursed at us for cutting off the child support she received from my dad - saying we are heartless and starving her if we leave. My dad compares her attachment to the houses like a drug addiction. Anyway, my mother keeps saying that my dad is going to attack her in court and that he should pay for my schooling as he has more money than her (he is an engineer and his wife is a doctor). She also says that he held up money from their shared house in the divource and she had no choice but to tap into my University/College fund. My dad says that she must be held accountable and pay for the wrongs she has committed - stealing the money for my future, which she has to pay back for a cottage no one needs. I have held off on going to school for years because of this fight. I don't know what to do??? My mother has starved herself to finance these two houses and she is not in a position to defend herself financially... I don't want to see my dad go after her but he has a point... she hasn't been fair... Any suggestions on how I handle this situation??? Oh, and she has threatened to kill my dad but he says she is a dreamer (as she also keeps telling everyone she is going to fix up her current house and get two full-times eventually) and that it is just talk.

Generally speaking, you have no actual right to the college fund, even if they set up something like a 529 and you're established as the beneficiary (though I don't know what country you're in-- I'm speaking from the US). How did she simply remove your dad's name from the account? I can't imagine how that gets conditioned into a divorce agreement.

I ask these questions, but sadly, it's probably there's likely not much you can do but move forward. But I'm not a lawyer, so if your dad has the means, you're probably best going to him to explore any legal recourse you may have. I'll admit it's hard for me to directly empathize as, until I met middle class friends as an adult, I didn't even know college funds existed outside of movies. But I can see how having expected to have a leg-up and now potentially having lost a chunk of it can be devastating. I'd start mentally preparing for the worst case of having to financially hump it through college with most the other folks.

Thanks for you're response! My dad is super angry and devastated. I've offered to go with student loans but he keeps saying I shouldn't have to & he tried to sue for custody but lost every time as my mother has a way with words. It's not even about the money... I'm just glad I have my freedom. I guess I'm just looking for emotional support now because this situation has been too much for me.

Your mother sounds like she has some serious issues and if she fraudulently removed your father's name from college accounts or anything else she will be in really hot water when that gets found out. If you have enough money for a year at school you should go while you can. If your father can help, please accept his help. Education is very important. Karma will bite your mother sooner or later.

Thanks for the reply! I appreciate your kind words - I agree about education being very important. For a long time (and still now actually) I have been afraid of my mother... I'm working on it! My dad and I do not know the details of how she removed him from the joint fund but he told me she did. He thinks it's because she wanted to take money out for herself and she knows he never would have allowed it.

Thanks for the reply! I appreciate your kind words - I agree about education being very important. For a long time (and still now actually) I have been afraid of my mother... I'm working on it! My dad and I do not know the details of how she removed him from the joint fund but he told me she did. He thinks it's because she wanted to take money out for herself and she knows he never would have allowed it.

It may not be true, then. Have him check with the bank the status of the joint account. If he has the account number and he is on it, they can tell him anything.

Honestly, if she took his name off a joint account earmarked for your education, he needs to go to court.

I would honestly do what i could to get ahold of the money for school and i would go part time and also work to save up to stretch the money out -- also, next year you will be able to file as single and not anyone's dependent, so you might get more financial aid, but talk to an advisor on that.

Thanks for the advice! Yes, I am pretty sure she has taken his name off, that's why he doesn't know how much is in the account and keeps asking me to ask my mother and I don't want to because I know she will lie or find ways to dodge my question - she already has. She is not truthful when it comes to finances. I'm going to show this thread to my dad when I see him tomorrow because I know this is bothering him (more than me). After my lease is up in a year I am hoping to go to school then and will be living on my own - so I will look into financial aid as well.

Thanks for the advice! Yes, I am pretty sure she has taken his name off, that's why he doesn't know how much is in the account and keeps asking me to ask my mother and I don't want to because I know she will lie or find ways to dodge my question - she already has. She is not truthful when it comes to finances. I'm going to show this thread to my dad when I see him tomorrow because I know this is bothering him (more than me). After my lease is up in a year I am hoping to go to school then and will be living on my own - so I will look into financial aid as well.

Why not just talk to your dad instead of bringing him to this site? Make note of some of the points you have thought of because of this thread and bring them up with your dad. You might want to keep this website as your safe place to vent instead of your family knowing your screen name and knowing you come here.

Lol I have a few accounts on different sites and I've had an account on here before too. I would never make it that obvious but a very good point! I actually do like this username. Thanks again!