Boyfriend going travelling for 6 months?!

Me and my boyfriend have been together for just about a year now, we have the best relationship ever, hes my best friend and who I would love to spend the rest of my life with, hes caring, funny, attentive and everything I could ask for! we met at uni and now are living long distance

BUT the other week he told me his friends were planning on traveling to australia for while, the next time i saw him he dropped the bombshell that he was thinking about it too, obviously my reaction, i was in shock because i never thought the person who I loved so much would choose to leave me for that period of time, it turned out he had actually booked the flight behind my back because he knew if he spoke to me about it there was no way he would end up going! hes told me it will be for about 6 months but im left wondering what if he decides to stay for longer ??? and im sat waiting at home!!

my dilemma is I really do want to support him through it as I know he will have the best time ever and I have no doubts about him cheating etc. but it is such a long period of time I dont know if I will be able to cope with the time difference and a lot can happen in six months!! I couldnt bare the thought of us going on a break because I would miss him so much and would rather just end it to sort of save myself the pain n heartbreak further down the line. There is no way I will be able to

go visit him because of money etc! I was just wondering if anyone had been through a similar situation and had any words or thoughts??

he has said hes going because he will never have the oppurtunity to again and obvs im not gonna stand in his way and he wants me to be there when he comes back but im not the kind of person to be sat waiting around! 6 months just seems such a long time to me wish he could give me a date he would come back! Maybe im just scared and need to learn how to be stronger

Oh wow! What an awesome opportunity for your bf!!

I really think that this is one of those things in life that you either roll with or bail out on. I don't think that trying to hold him back will lead you anywhere - it would only breed resentment.

Ultimately, if you plan to marry this guy and spend the rest of your life with him - what's 6 months? And you say that you are already long distance? Can you tell us about that? How far apart are you? How often do you see each other? What is the ultimate plan to be back in the same place?

As far as staying more than 6 months, I think there are barriers to that. I know that where I am, if you are gone more than 6 months minus a day, you start running into issues where you lose your healthcare, you run into income tax issues, etc. And then I'm sure Australia has rules too depending on what visa he is planning to enter on... there's a lot of complications to that. You should ask him about all that. I'm sure he's doing his research (or if not, he should).

Another barrier - is he rich? Travelling for 6 months while not working costs money.

I think you should ask him all this to put your mind at ease about the timeframe. I'm pretty sure that once you hit the 6 months mark, it starts to get complicated.

Only you really know if he's worth waiting for - but it sounds like an exciting time for him. You would do well to be excited for him and supportive.

The Australian youth working visa program is a year long program where foreigners under the age of 30 can come and work. I have met plenty of people in my travels who have done that and even some that have applied and received a 2nd year.

As for the time away, I do think it will be a life changing event for him and he may choose to stay longer. I went travelling for a year myself not long ago, six years later and I am still going!

For the OP, I would suggest discussing it with him and ultimately breaking up. You can come to some agreement with him that should he return and you are both single then you just get back on with the relationship. BUT, you are both young and I am sure he does not wish to be held back by a partner on the other side of the world bugging him about when he is coming back, just like you do not wish to wait.

Your lives are ahead of you, if he comes back and you continue your life together then all good, otherwise I am sure you will meet someone else amazing too.

My ex was planing on going for 4 months, I was going to meet her for a bit.

Truth be told I think that had a part to play in our break up.

I was worried about her going for that long but didn't tell her my concerns, I encouraged her to go as what the poster said above "what is x amount of time if you're planning on spending your life together"

Subconsciously it ate away at me and could've forced me to be clingy and see her as much as possible because I knew

She was going.

I'm not saying the same will happen to you but I know if I met someone I loved and wanted to be with forever I wouldn't leave them for that long and would at least offer them to come with me.

Each to their own I guess

I think you should let him go and get used to the idea that the added distance and him moving on with his life may mean that your relationship ends, even though you're clearly not ready for that to happen right now. You can hold onto hope but I wouldn't try and maintain the same kind of relationship you have now with the added distance.

Traveling and experiencing new places has a way of making you forget about what you left behind. Odds are, within 2 months he won't be missing you anymore because he'll have so much going on for him where he is. But this is really a great opportunity for him and if you're able to save some money over the next few months and join him, that'd be amazing for you also

Otherwise, just let him live his life. Sometimes loving someone means giving them the space to leave if that's what is truly best for them

Glitterfingers nailed it on that last paragraph. If you truly love him, you can't stand in the way of this amazing opportunity. I got to spend a summer in Africa when I was in college, and it was hands down one of the coolest, most amazing things I've ever done! (Second only to getting married and having a baby lol). Please don't take that from him. Just tell him you hope he has the best time (if he's going to leave you for 6mo's it better be worth it right!?), and you will work through the distance. Honestly, 6mo will be over in the blink of an eye.

Have you two talked about the future, as in your future, together? What would concern me is if you were having a great year together, and then he just says bye, enjoy the next 6 months, see you on my return! vs. talking about a future, and talking about how you'll communicate while he's gone, and what will be the expected path of your relationship upon his return.

It's hard to tell from your post if he simply considers your relationship a year-long fun time, and now he's moving on to his own next phase, or if he's thinking that your relationship is his permanent one, and that this is a 6-month travel blip, or if he's simply not thinking about any of this at all.

Communication is most important right now, before he leaves. If he doesn't bring this up, then you will need to, which will help make your decision.

I know this would bother me, so I understand your concern.

" because he knew if he spoke to me about it there was no way he would end up going"

This is terribly SELFiSH of you. You should be happy for him. Are you the boss who dictates his actions?

Why don't you have your own life? Why would you be sitting at home? That's a problem you have created.

Many do LDR.

I don't see where you have any say in the matter. You can certainly tell him how you'll feel but it's ultimately his decision and you get to figure out how you will handle it.

I don't know your age but either way 6 months of travelling will change him in some ways. 6 months apart in a one year relationship will change the both of you in other ways.

As hard as it is, wish him well and let him go.

I have a son going through the same thing and his gf of 3 yrs kept getting in his way of something he felt he needed to do, so he broke up with her. If she was successful at circumventing his plans, he would have resented her.

If you handle this with grace and maturity you'll have a better chance of reconnecting in the future.

But until then you need to let go.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for just about a year now, we have the best relationship ever, hes my best friend and who I would love to spend the rest of my life with, hes caring, funny, attentive and everything I could ask for! we met at uni and now are living long distance

 

BUT the other week he told me his friends were planning on traveling to australia for while, the next time i saw him he dropped the bombshell that he was thinking about it too, obviously my reaction, i was in shock because i never thought the person who I loved so much would choose to leave me for that period of time, it turned out he had actually booked the flight behind my back because he knew if he spoke to me about it there was no way he would end up going!

Red flag - when your partner has to do something for themselves behind your back, and then tell you about it once it's done, there's a problem. It's clear he expected a reaction from you that ultimately would've stopped him from doing what he really wants to do. Think on that for a minute...do you want to be the person who stops people from pursuing their dreams?

it will be for about 6 months but im left wondering what if he decides to stay for longer ??? and im sat waiting at home!!

 

he has said hes going because he will never have the oppurtunity to again and obvs im not gonna stand in his way and he wants me to be there when he comes back but im not the kind of person to be sat waiting around!

Another red flag. You said "waiting for him" twice. Waiting is being put in a corner and ignored until someone is ready to interact with you....we wait at the doctor's office, we wait on personal business calls to our bank, the IRS, our cable company. It's a complete drag, eats our time, and makes us feel insignificant.

He's not asking you to "wait" - that's not what he means. He's asking to stay together for 6 months while he travels, while he does something really important to him. It seems like his plans are making you feel unimportant, but why? He's not choosing between you and traveling. He's choosing both.

Will it be hard? Heck yeah. Is he worth it? That's your call.

If you decide to keep your relationship during his travels, what will you do with your 6 months? He's pursuing something he wants - is there something you really want to do? Focus on your dreams, your bucket list, your career, your hobbies, friends, whatever...so that you're having an adventure, too. Not out of spite (he's not doing anything wrong to spite him for anyway). Do it because it's healthy for you.

I like the plan of being calm and fully supportive and taking care of you -meaning, you take a break from each other while he's gone for the 6 months plus and see where you are when he returns.

This is a great opportunity for him and he may be right in that he will never have the chance to do anything like this again.

I think you should be supportive of his choice, yes he hid it from you but perhaps he was scared of your reaction. He seems to care about your feelings and not wanting to upset you.

There is more to life than just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - he has decided to take an adventurous trip with his friends, perhaps you can use the time to figure out what adventure you could embark on, an activity to learn (cooking, baking, swimming, reading) something that has always been an interest for you and you focus your mind on that during the next coming months.

If he doesn't come back in 6 months then you take it that is how it was meant to be and it is his loss and not yours. You will be alright, but you don't want to break up with him solely because he wishes to explore the world with his friends.

I wish you all of the best!

This is a great opportunity for him and he may be right in that he will never have the chance to do anything like this again.

 

I think you should be supportive of his choice, yes he hid it from you but perhaps he was scared of your reaction. He seems to care about your feelings and not wanting to upset you.

 

There is more to life than just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - he has decided to take an adventurous trip with his friends, perhaps you can use the time to figure out what adventure you could embark on, an activity to learn (cooking, baking, swimming, reading) something that has always been an interest for you and you focus your mind on that during the next coming months.

 

If he doesn't come back in 6 months then you take it that is how it was meant to be and it is his loss and not yours. You will be alright, but you don't want to break up with him solely because he wishes to explore the world with his friends.

 

I wish you all of the best!

She'd be ending things for now because of the length of time and the distance and how that reflects on his commitment to her, not because he wants to explore the world.