Jump to content

POLL:Should kids be encouraged to go to university??


December123

Recommended Posts

**I mean kids and teenagers etc

***Btw I am starting uni soon so this is NOT a "I blame my parents" post, I just feel like it upset me****

 

 

I WISH mine did, for a long time I didn't even see university as an option for myself, I had low self confidence in my abilities, I felt like I could never achieve anything and that if I applied I would just be rejected.I wish my parents had said if I put the effort in and apply I would have a good chance. My teachers didn't believe in me so it would have been nice to have some of the adults in my life believing in me when all the others wouldn't.

 

I would hear always other ppl saying they were encouraged and I always felt jealous of that. I think if a child is really pushed academically they will achieve more- though obviously you have to be very careful with this cuz sometimes it can cause anxiety for the child or maybe they actually suffer from a learning disability etc

Link to comment

This really depends. My instinct of course screams "of course!" but, having contracted with academia for close to 6 years now, I routinely see kids drudging their way through, racking up tens of thousands of dollars in debt, unmotivated, more or less because their parents or society tell them, "this is just what you do." Or, they may be unmotivated and cope with it by sticking exclusively to their less professionally applicable interests, going into what I've coined in my head "wikipedia majors." basically paying to study things they could easily enough study and inform themselves of at home and at their leisure. Even that itself wouldn't be a big deal if it weren't for the fact many of these degrees don't have much of a, if any, professional value.

 

I think we've reached a saturation point where we shouldn't by any means be discouraging people from going to college, but we absolutely should rethink the pretty common concept of shoving kids out the high school doors and straight onto the university campus without considering and hashing out some real considerations and implications that come with dedicating the 4+ years and, depending on your location, money. There are very few things I side with or sympathize for millennials on, but I do think there's a real epidemic of wantonly pushing, for all intents and purposes, kids to take on mortgage-sized debts with no real or responsible direction or plan.

Link to comment

that's a very good point about the finances! Student debts can be absolutely crippling! Although I come from Scotland where all education is free so we don't have to worry about that as much.

But at the same time, there aren't many prospects for those that don't go to uni, as someone who didn't go to uni right after college and just kinda floated around for a while, I can tell you it gets you VERY DEPRESSED because you feel like you're going literally nowhere in life and you see everyone you went to school with moving on and progressing in their lives. Even if you do go into a apprenticeship or community college etc jobs after that never pay as much as jobs after attending university, I mean I don't want to earn just £20,000 a year if I could earn £30-40,000

Link to comment

You can still attend university, though.

 

I do agree to an extent, though. If I raised a kid somewhere with a subsidized university system, I'd be a lot more comfortable nudging them to at least get their feet wet even if they're not sure. Main point is, though, what they could have or should have done isn't really a question to be raised anymore. You have to take the reins for yourself. Not taking into account truly ****ed up parents, no parent raises their child perfectly. All of us will find ourselves with holes in our development that are left for us to fill as adults.

 

Are you seeking or receiving counseling for your depression?

Link to comment

As a blanket rule, no they shouldn't. It really depends on the individual child, their capabilities and even their temperament. People are simply all different. Not everyone is cut out for college, or desk jobs, etc. Some people are better off being active, working with their hands, etc. So, no parents shouldn't just blindly encourage college as some kind of be all end all holy grail of achievement and purpose in life, because it's not. It's just one of the many paths in life one may take. Ultimately, your success and happiness will depend on finding what suits you personally the best and nobody can determine that for you. You have to figure it out yourself.

Link to comment

That's true, maybe instead of parents saying "You should go to university!" They should say "You should go to university! OR (community) college!, apprenticeship!, gap year! etc" I feel like mine never encouraged me into anything at all, and that upset me, it was like they believed I was capable of absolutely nothing.

Link to comment

Ahh your last post was asking if kids fail as a result of parents .... you clearly have some issues about this ...I will say the same as I said on your last post ..you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink . Encouragement of course if what a parent should be doing ...but I don't feel it affects the end result ..a person either wants to learn and move forward in that way ..or they don't .

Link to comment
That's true, maybe instead of parents saying "You should go to university!" They should say "You should go to university! OR (community) college!, apprenticeship!, gap year! etc" I feel like mine never encouraged me into anything at all, and that upset me, it was like they believed I was capable of absolutely nothing.

 

Well...my parents never told me to do anything. What they did tell me from the get go is that it's all on me. I was in third grade when I had not done some homework assignment and the teacher sent a note home to my parents complaining about my lack of motivation. I remember to this day what my dad said to me. Basically he looked at me and simply asked two questions. The first was, "did you not do the homework because you didn't know how to or just because you didn't feel like it." (I didn't feel like it.) The second was, "so you are fine with being a failure?" (Yeah, whatever) He looked at me, shrugged and said, "well it's your life, it's your choice, it's your decisions to live with and your consequences." and signed the note. As it turned out, I am a little too competitive to be satisfied with failure and bad grades. However, I didn't see my parents as uncaring, rather as the coolest parents ever who actually trusted me to choose my own path in life whatever it may be which was wise, because in addition to being competitive I'm also stubborn. Had they pushed I likely would have stuck my toes in and failed just because.

Link to comment

But I think it definitely did have an impact on my future, even when I was a little kid I felt like no one believed in me and that rrly impacted my confidence especially in an academic sense.

Everyone else's parents I knew were encouraging their kids in school but mine weren't and that made me feel left out, like there was something wrong with me.

I always felt like if I applied to university I would be rejected.

I don't think that was fair especially on me as a child.

I'm definitely NOT saying parents should force kids at knife point to go to uni but they should definitely try to encourage them generally at school and help them to realise that they have lots of potential and are capable of anything they set their mind to whether that's university or something else.

Link to comment

There is - I thought it obvious - no one answer to your question. There are as many different 18-year-olds as there are 50-year-olds. Each of us has a collection of skills. Skills include how to dream, how to plan, how to manage emotions, how to recognize the boundaries between us, the ties that bind us, and the responsibilities we each bear for ourselves.

 

Each of us is responsible for ourselves, even at 2 years old to the degree that a 2-year-old mind can manage. If the teen is interested in and ready for a college-level education, then of course that teen ought to be encouraged to pursue it.

 

It is more important to encourage each of us, at any age, to make a life that is of interest to oneself. Whatever that life is: if it is socializing and dating and the like, then fine -- the teen can construct a plan that provides him or her the income and time to support his or her interests. Stand back and let the figure it out.

 

A teenager's brain is still growing, particularly the ability to process cause and effect, acts and consequences. The teen brain may not have a strong ability to connect distant rewards with current behavior. It is important to align current behavior with current rewards.

 

Rewards in my family take the form of additional responsibility. When someone demonstrates reliable and trustworthy behavior, then I entrust that person with more responsibility to manage themselves or a family-wide asset. Rewards do not equal freedom from responsibility; rather, responsibility is an honor.

Link to comment
Well...my parents never told me to do anything. What they did tell me from the get go is that it's all on me. I was in third grade when I had not done some homework assignment and the teacher sent a note home to my parents complaining about my lack of motivation. I remember to this day what my dad said to me. Basically he looked at me and simply asked two questions. The first was, "did you not do the homework because you didn't know how to or just because you didn't feel like it." (I didn't feel like it.) The second was, "so you are fine with being a failure?" (Yeah, whatever) He looked at me, shrugged and said, "well it's your life, it's your choice, it's your decisions to live with and your consequences." and signed the note. As it turned out, I am a little too competitive to be satisfied with failure and bad grades. However, I didn't see my parents as uncaring, rather as the coolest parents ever who actually trusted me to choose my own path in life whatever it may be which was wise, because in addition to being competitive I'm also stubborn. Had they pushed I likely would have stuck my toes in and failed just because.

 

huzzahs to your parents for their wisdom and their faith in you!

Link to comment
But I think it definitely did have an impact on my future, even when I was a little kid I felt like no one believed in me and that rrly impacted my confidence especially in an academic sense.

 

yeah that's awful , I can see why you feel like you do .....

 

Reminds me of going to my daughters concerts when she was little and seeing the ones whose mum/dad didn't turn up , their little faces looking out and dropping as they realise no one has come to see them ... I used to be in floods of tears sometimes ...heart breaking . I once was a stand in mum to my daughters little friend ...no one was coming to see her so I said I will wave to her and cheer for her

 

My daughter is 18 and re sitting year 13 because she wants to go to uni . So I encourage her by making it perfectly clear , she has to do the work ..end of ! But I also told her it is her choice , I will be proud of her no matter what she chooses to do ...

Link to comment

It really depends on the individual. If you have a natural inclination, just follow it. If you don't, work a couple of years in some field and then decide if you want to study something. Again study something you are interested in. If you still don't know what to study, I suggest Mathematics. If there is anything useful to take from the University, that's Math.

Link to comment
huzzahs to your parents for their wisdom and their faith in you!

 

Yeah, mind you I only realize now how wise they were with me back then. Back then, I just thought that it's awesome they never went to the stupid parent/teacher meetings and totally kept out of things. If there were ever absent parents, mine got the gold star on that and I loved it. My biggest point being that it's not what your parents do, but how you interpret it.

 

You can be mad that dad is not at your recital and assume he doesn't care OR you can be grateful for the extra hours he is sweating out at work so that YOU can actually do this recital and appreciate the true love and self sacrifice that goes into that. It's a choice how you see it.

Link to comment

I was not given a choice about whether I was going or not . I was told I was going and that's that and so was my husband. I gave my son no choice either he was going to college and that's that . Disability or no . You get absolutely nowhere with a high school education anymore . McDonald's won't even hire you .

Link to comment

I think parents should encourage it IF their child knows for sure what they want to do for a career.

 

I had no choice, I was going to college after I graduated, period. My teachers expected it of me, my parents and family expected it of me. I was straight A's and a 33 on my ACT, so I was intelligent....but I was 17 years old when I graduated. Who knows what they want to do for the next 50 years at 17yrs old!? I didn't. I knew I wanted to go into healthcare, so I figured I'd start with nursing. Here I am almost 10 years later with $40,000 loan debt, and years of experience in a job that I don't like. And how could I switch careers now?

 

I feel like if I hadn't been made to feel like "college is the only way out of this town" then I could've spent some time in different areas to see what I liked.

 

I don't think anyone should go to college unless they know without a doubt what they want to do, they've spent some time volunteering or shadowing in the field they're entering, and they really REALLY have the drive to be successful. If you don't want it BAD, you will likely not do well in college.

Link to comment

I didn't want to go to college. My kids did.

 

I went for a couple of years because everyone said "You get good grades! Of course you have to go to college!" Wasted time and a LOT of money my mother didn't have (single mom, deadbeat dad), poor thing had to declare bankruptcy because she put my college costs on a credit card she couldn't pay. And I never did graduate.

 

My kids, however, rocked it. I told them they could go if they chose and if they didn't, they needed to get jobs. They went to school AND got jobs and are now killing it in the professional world.

 

I don't know if they feel I was particularly encouraging, but I did tell them all the time that I was proud of them.

Link to comment
That's true, maybe instead of parents saying "You should go to university!" They should say "You should go to university! OR (community) college!, apprenticeship!, gap year! etc" I feel like mine never encouraged me into anything at all, and that upset me, it was like they believed I was capable of absolutely nothing.

 

In all fairness, did you take an INTEREST in anything? Some parents feel the best thing to do is to let their child make choices and just support the choices they make on their education rather than pushing them one way or another.

Link to comment
**I mean kids and teenagers etc

***Btw I am starting uni soon so this is NOT a "I blame my parents" post, I just feel like it upset me****

 

 

I WISH mine did, for a long time I didn't even see university as an option for myself, I had low self confidence in my abilities, I felt like I could never achieve anything and that if I applied I would just be rejected.I wish my parents had said if I put the effort in and apply I would have a good chance. My teachers didn't believe in me so it would have been nice to have some of the adults in my life believing in me when all the others wouldn't.

 

I would hear always other ppl saying they were encouraged and I always felt jealous of that. I think if a child is really pushed academically they will achieve more- though obviously you have to be very careful with this cuz sometimes it can cause anxiety for the child or maybe they actually suffer from a learning disability etc

 

I'm guessing that you around 18 years old. Your at a time when its not what your parents say and want anymore that counts, its what you want.

 

If you want to go and get yourself a good education, go for it. Dont like anyone or anything get in the way of your goal.

Link to comment

I took an interest in several ideas, I always made it clear to them I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and felt stressed about it, they never supported me. Even when I younger.

I thought about leaving and going to (community) college (*I'm from the UK so it's completely different here) to do a course that would have gotten me on track for university, I wasn't sure if I should, my mum kept saying I should stay in school, BUT come August when all places were all taken, my mum decides it's an amazing idea to go? She was absolutely no help at all.

Link to comment

idk , my parents kind of did, even though they knew i hated school.

 

 

but because of my degree it allowed me to get the job i have right now that i love.

 

 

 

i feel like it depends on the person.

 

 

I have friends who started their own business that didnt require college and now they make

 

as much as me and have no loan debt at all so they are actually living in more comfort than i am.

 

 

Their Parents didnt really encourage them to go to college.

Link to comment
Well...my parents never told me to do anything. What they did tell me from the get go is that it's all on me. I was in third grade when I had not done some homework assignment and the teacher sent a note home to my parents complaining about my lack of motivation. I remember to this day what my dad said to me. Basically he looked at me and simply asked two questions. The first was, "did you not do the homework because you didn't know how to or just because you didn't feel like it." (I didn't feel like it.) The second was, "so you are fine with being a failure?" (Yeah, whatever) He looked at me, shrugged and said, "well it's your life, it's your choice, it's your decisions to live with and your consequences." and signed the note. As it turned out, I am a little too competitive to be satisfied with failure and bad grades. However, I didn't see my parents as uncaring, rather as the coolest parents ever who actually trusted me to choose my own path in life whatever it may be which was wise, because in addition to being competitive I'm also stubborn. Had they pushed I likely would have stuck my toes in and failed just because.

 

My child is in third grade and sometimes will say he doesn't care about his work. But we know he does -and he knows he does. I see my job as facilitator, as creating an environment where he can apply himself -and I mean the physical environment as well as emotional. I hope he goes to uni -in part because I've known since he was a newborn that he's really smart in that way. I just knew. But there's a limit. I have a friend who is my age (old, 51) with a child in the middle of college -a very expensive and fancy one. This year they got her an apartment because the dorm situation was bad. For the last 2-3 weeks my friend has been all-consumed with getting this new apartment ready for her to move in -'up and running". Her daughter is smart, has a great internship, would know how to hire people to help if she needed to (meaning she's a petite person and likely can't lift heavy furniture), and I think her mother is doing her a disservice by doing everything for her down to all her clothes shopping. And I say nothing -it's none of my business and of course it's not abuse or anything close.

 

I don't think we let our children fail on purpose or anything but I think the horse to water analogy is right and if they choose failure that's the lesson they learn, that's how they learn their limits.

 

But what do I know -I have a university degree and then some but my parenting manual must have gotten lost in the mail.

Link to comment
I took an interest in several ideas, I always made it clear to them I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and felt stressed about it, they never supported me. Even when I younger.

I thought about leaving and going to (community) college (*I'm from the UK so it's completely different here) to do a course that would have gotten me on track for university, I wasn't sure if I should, my mum kept saying I should stay in school, BUT come August when all places were all taken, my mum decides it's an amazing idea to go? She was absolutely no help at all.

 

Why is it her job to help you in that way? So what she had an a ha moment when it was too late -you know how to read, you knew the deadlines too or could know them - and you have your own mind to disagree with your mother if you chose to.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...