Oh boy this hurts...

I'm 52 and going through another break up. It seems a lot harder now that I'm older, if that's possible. I remember breaking up with my high school sweetheart at 19 and at the time that seemed like it would kill me. It didn't. This is worse. Just can't get the thought of not being able to make it with anyone out of my head. This one is especially hard though. She is beautiful, smart and very successful.

Dumped via text, for the most part, after two and a half years. That one slaps me where it hurts. No real closure and now it's been 28 days of NC. I am strong when it comes to no contact and it has worked tremendously for me in the past. Not for the relationship to get back together, but for me to feel better about myself. I feel now as I did then that disrespect is the worst feeling, aside from loneliness, and I deserve better. I feel my words during the relationship meant nothing then I will say no more.

We still have quite a bit of belongings at each other's houses, not sure what to do there. I have resolved to just forget my stuff, even though I would like a couple of the things.

I've been hanging around the site for weeks, just thought I would dump this out of my head. Thanks for reading.

I think you're courageous for continuing to put yourself and your heart out there. I'm only 24 but I've basically given up on relationships. Over and over again I end up with a broken heart and I honestly don't think I'm strong enough to handle another. Heartbreak imo is more debilitating than physical sickness. It drains you completely and there's a shadow over your whole world.

After breakups, like you, I take time to myself (at least a year), heal and finally find someone else. But then somehow I end up alone, in pain and unstable in life all over again. Some breakups have been my fault, some the other persons, but no matter the circumstances, it equally sucks. Thoughts are with you.

Sorry to hear. Yes, pain is difficult at any age. Hold onto the fact that the pain will not last forever and that you can and will heal from this.

I wished it got easier with age but all you can do is keep yourself busy, let time pass, heal and try and stay positive.

I think you're courageous for continuing to put yourself and your heart out there. I'm only 24 but I've basically given up on relationships. Over and over again I end up with a broken heart and I honestly don't think I'm strong enough to handle another. Heartbreak imo is more debilitating than physical sickness. It drains you completely and there's a shadow over your whole world.

 

After breakups, like you, I take time to myself (at least a year), heal and finally find someone else. But then somehow I end up alone, in pain and unstable in life all over again. Some breakups have been my fault, some the other persons, but no matter the circumstances, it equally sucks. Thoughts are with you.

Thanks. I have a tendency to get right back into dating, but I need to do things differently this time. That's what we tell ourselves, right? It is hard since I seem to be alone a lot. I have full custody of my 14 year old son, but he's out doing his thing with friends, especially through this summer. I don't have any friends in the area so I go to the gym a lot or spend 12 hours a day at work. Like I said loneliness is the worst for me and that's when my brain starts to going back and forth holding out hope for a reconciliation, and then telling myself that would be wrong and I need to move on.

That's awful that she ended it by text. Cowardly.

Why did she end things?

Do not get right back into dating. It is not fair to to others, if you are seeking a relationship. Why not process the relationship, and make an effort to make friends. It is not healthy to spend all of one's free time with their partner. Try Meet ups, volunteer, take up hobbies/classes, whatever. Do things where you interact and meet others.

That's awful that she ended it by text. Cowardly.

 

Why did she end things?

 

Do not get right back into dating. It is not fair to to others, if you are seeking a relationship. Why not process the relationship, and make an effort to make friends. It is not healthy to spend all of one's free time with their partner. Try Meet ups, volunteer, take up hobbies/classes, whatever. Do things where you interact and meet others.

Thank you, and you are correct it is not fair to others. I am refraining.

"Why did she end things?"

I don't know exactly as we never spoke to get closure. The one recurring issue we had was her drinking to the point of getting drunk. It happened again on vacation in July while at dinner with my son and his friend, 13 and 14 year olds. We argued about it and she was very upset as this was about the 5th time in two years this had happened. She claimed she was fine, but I had to help her to the bathroom and the car at the end of the night. Not the first time.

The text started by saying "You did nothing wrong and I'm not upset with you. I drink because I'm depressed over the passing of my mom and I have never gotten over my first divorce." I know she agonized over the untimely death of her mom, a terrible thing. I never heard her say that she wasn't over her first divorce, in two plus years of dating. They were married for 20 years and I know he cheated on her and that was the end of what seemed to be a normal marriage to that point. Of course I only know what she spoke about the marriage. She was married and divorced for a second time (not judging just stating as I have been married and divorced twice myself), so not sure where that came from. She went on to say in text that she was going back to her physiologist about her depression, that she had been treating with alcohol for 11 years. She then said she would accompany me to my grandson's birthday party the following weekend. Finally mentioned that she wanted to be alone as she had always jumped from one relationship to another. She did not go to the party with me.

We finally spoke 4 days later and it was very brief. She said she was not happy in the relationship. I asked if she wanted to go over what she wrote in the text and she said no. I said then are you saying you are done and she said yes. I saw no reason to discuss and I said goodbye. That was Aug 1st.

Sorry you are going thru this. Sounds like that she just didnt want to be in a relationship with you anymore. That okay, you now have room in your life for someone better. I feel you and your fear. Ive been down that road a few time. You said she was beautiful, smart and successful and you possibly fear you wont find someone like that again. (at least i had that fear) But if you want to look at it another way is that you attracted a smart, beautiful girl before, what makes you think you cant do it again?

You will find someone once you heal and move on from this one. I know it sucks, but in the end this is okay, she just wasnt compatable with you. Keep busy and keep your life open to meeting new people. The right girl will find you.

Hi wgmitch,

I definitely feel your pain right now. I'm 51 years old, and was just recently dumped after a 2.5 year relationship. I was dumped via email. Eventually we met and talked about things. I hoped and wished that somehow she would change her mind, and we'd find a way to get back together. But her mind was made up. We've met and talked a couple of times since, but it was clear. The last time we met, she dropped off whatever stuff I had left at her house. We went for a beer. I tried to talk with her again, but she got upset, and eventually got up and walked away. We exchanged texts later that night, apologized for the way things ended, and that was that. That was 2 weeks ago, and I've gone NC since.

It's been about two months since she sent me that email, and it's been about the most painful two months of my life. Sleeping, eating, working...they all seem difficult right now. Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better. But right now, it doesn't feel like it's ever gonna get better. I still think of her constantly....wondering what she's doing, who she's with, where she is. Wondering why she has contacted me. Why she hasn't come to her senses and called me. But the logical side of me knows it's over.

Like you, I've considered dating. I've been on a couple of online dating sites, and even been on a couple of dates. But my heart isn't in it. And everyone, including several people on this site, have told me that dating right now is a mistake. So I'm gonna lay low for a while. Going to try to look after me. Work on myself.

I wish I could tell you that it's gonna be easy, you know it isn't. But you need to focus on you. Work out, work harder, volunteer your time, meet new people. Don't bother with the online dating sites. In a few months, you will be past her. You sound like a good guy. You don't need to work at it. It'll happen for you.

OP, did she seek therapy?

Hi wgmitch,

 

I definitely feel your pain right now. I'm 51 years old, and was just recently dumped after a 2.5 year relationship. I was dumped via email. Eventually we met and talked about things. I hoped and wished that somehow she would change her mind, and we'd find a way to get back together. But her mind was made up. We've met and talked a couple of times since, but it was clear. The last time we met, she dropped off whatever stuff I had left at her house. We went for a beer. I tried to talk with her again, but she got upset, and eventually got up and walked away. We exchanged texts later that night, apologized for the way things ended, and that was that. That was 2 weeks ago, and I've gone NC since.

It's been about two months since she sent me that email, and it's been about the most painful two months of my life. Sleeping, eating, working...they all seem difficult right now. Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better. But right now, it doesn't feel like it's ever gonna get better. I still think of her constantly....wondering what she's doing, who she's with, where she is. Wondering why she has contacted me. Why she hasn't come to her senses and called me. But the logical side of me knows it's over.

 

Like you, I've considered dating. I've been on a couple of online dating sites, and even been on a couple of dates. But my heart isn't in it. And everyone, including several people on this site, have told me that dating right now is a mistake. So I'm gonna lay low for a while. Going to try to look after me. Work on myself.

I wish I could tell you that it's gonna be easy, you know it isn't. But you need to focus on you. Work out, work harder, volunteer your time, meet new people. Don't bother with the online dating sites. In a few months, you will be past her. You sound like a good guy. You don't need to work at it. It'll happen for you.

RGR, Thank you very much. I hate that others are going through this too, but that's why I'm here on this site. Heart ache is better shared. I wish you the best and thank you again for sharing your story.

Mitch

OP, did she seek therapy?

Holly,

I know nothing about her as of a month ago. Heart breaking to say, type or think about.

Mitch

It's the little things that help...

Yesterday I rec'd a text from an old GF (the one before this one She was passing through my town on the way back from the beach and thought she would reach out. We have not spoken since some time in 2015. We exchanged text for an hour, it was nice. She ended the conversation telling me that "I was a real catch and she wished things were different." I know this seems stupid, but it made my day and helps the bruised ego and feelings of failure.

Adding to the pain...

My mom past away two weeks ago and it has just multiplied 1000 times the pain I feel in my heart. Although my mom's death was unexpected she was 87 and has lived a good life.

I broke no contact to let my ex know of my mom's passing and that was the worse thing I could have done. She called and was very sweet and offered to come to me, but I thank God resisted. She has since sent me a text which I just couldn't respond to and yesterday I got a small sympathy card in the mail from her. Back to NC with a burning feeling in my chest.

I now pray to my mom instead of talking to her about my life.

When does this get easier?

So yesterday I received a large box with some of my stuff, clothes, eye glasses, etc., in it via the mail from my ex. There are things at her house that would definitely fit in the box, but were not included. For instance I am a drummer and have a practice pad at her house that would have easily fit, but she did not included it. She sent the drum sticks that were sitting on the practice pad, but not the pad. ???

I have been no contact since my mother's death on Sep 7 and don't plan on ever breaking it. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. I still have stuff of hers at my house, most of which I can't ship. A large dog cage for instance.

???

Eat it, buy another one.

sorry about your mom..

Oh I don't give a crap about the practice pad or any of the things she sent and she knows this.

Thank you. My mom was a saint. I know where she is.

Eat it, buy another one.

 

sorry about your mom..

Well it finally happened after nearly four months of no contact my ex reached out and said, "I can't stop thinking about you." "I miss you." "Is there anyway we can talk tonight?"

I am beside myself as she is a very strong and proud woman, but I never doubted the no contact rule or the "never" contact rule.

Well it finally happened after nearly four months of no contact my ex reached out and said, "I can't stop thinking about you." "I miss you." "Is there anyway we can talk tonight?"

 

I am beside myself as she is a very strong and proud woman, but I never doubted the no contact rule or the "never" contact rule.

Do you know what you are going to do?

And ultimately what you want out of this?

Do you know what you are going to do?

And ultimately what you want out of this?

I'm getting some advice from a dating advisor. I will not do this alone.

A dating advisor? Curious

Yes, an online dating advisor that has helped me see things clearly in the past and given me solid advice on this relationship/breakup.

Please keep us updated with how you decide to proceed. This is very interesting.....perhaps it took some space and time for her to realize what she had with you?

I am actually a 55 year-old female, so I'm in your same age range. I can tell you that I definitely have fond thoughts of some people that I left in my past, where I look back in retrospect and realize how great they really were.

With all that she's been through, perhaps she was misplacing hurt/anger/sadness onto your relationship, and the time apart has made her realize this?

I am embarrassed to say I fell for it and I played the fool. I let her open an already painful wound.

We spoke in person and had a great open discussion about the issues and she said wants to date me again and take it slow. I said fine with me there would be no other way to get through this. I asked if she wanted to date anyone else and she said, NO. Emphatically. She asked me and I agreed that would be stupid.

Two days later we spoke and she was aloof and saying how confused she was. She said she still wanted to date me, but also date other men. I said after nearly two and a half years how can you say this to me? I said you are a liar and how dare you play with me this way. Absolutely insane. I'm nobodies fool.

I am embarrassed to say I fell for it and I played the fool. I let her open an already painful wound.

 

We spoke in person and had a great open discussion about the issues and she said wants to date me again and take it slow. I said fine with me there would be no other way to get through this. I asked if she wanted to date anyone else and she said, NO. Emphatically. She asked me and I agreed that would be stupid.

 

Two days later we spoke and she was aloof and saying how confused she was. She said she still wanted to date me, but also date other men. I said after nearly two and a half years how can you say this to me? I said you are a liar and how dare you play with me this way. Absolutely insane. I'm nobodies fool.

Sorry this happened. Sucks that tou let your guard down them get sucker punched like that.

At least you found it out this soon.

Sorry this happened. Sucks that tou let your guard down them get sucker punched like that.

 

At least you found it out this soon.

Thank you. I am once again mad at myself for being so wrong. I was wrong. Moving on, again.