Saw my ex-fiancee for what could be the last time tonight

I posted my story before, but tonight was the last night that I might ever see my ex again. She came by our house one last time to pack up the last of her things. We acknowledged this might be the last time we see each other and I was an emotional wreck, she wasn't. She said that ultimately she doesn't think were compatible. I was crying a lot and still am. I really wanted to make it work between us. I knew no matter what happened she was going to move out, but I really wanted her to leave the door open for the future after things have settled down between us. I kind of feel like its foolish to have hope for us after this experience tonight.

I truly believe that compatibility is bull. We were on the same life timelines, we had the same sexual desires and libidos, we had the same outlooks on life and religions, we shared so many of the same values. That's what compatibility is about. I really don't think having the same interests in a relationship is essential, but it doesn't matter what I think.

To me, every relationship comes down to effort and commitment between the two people. Unfortunately, my ex lost the desire for either of those and makes up other reasons why it can't work between us.

I'm so destroyed again. I hate feeling like I just lost my best friend forever.

hi,

i tmight not seem like it now but things get better. no matter how much you love someone when it ends it hurts.

you will get over this and you will move on.

it just takes time.

i wish you all the best.

Hi. I read your other post too.

Hang in there. I have been going through a somewhat similar situation with my ex-GF of 6 years. From my perspective, we were pretty great as a couple. Yes, we had some romantic problems at times (she had a lower sex drive than me, meaning I was sexually frustrated at times) but I was happy in the relationship because everything was working really well. We were in a LDR for the last couple of years, but had maintained a strong connection for the most part and had been there for each other a number of times in life. We had similar career paths, similar interests, similar habits, matching life goals etc.

Long story short, she was emotional cheating on me (texting a guy she had met a month earlier and fell for). After a number of days of discussion, she admitted she had been losing the spark for me in the last number of months. I tried to reason with her. Our physical contact had dropped considerably due to flight situations and expense, but our LDR was coming to an end soon. I encouraged her to think of how compatible we were in all areas of life. We were still best friends. Blah blah blah. In the end, I broke up with her because she was so confused and unable to commit to improving the relationship. I made it clear that I knew we may not get through it, but that I was committed to trying to improve the relationship, because we would be fools not to. To throw away 6 years together due to a "spark" that she hadn't even told me about would be crazy and very immature. After a week of this, and her remaining confused (and actually staying in contact with the other guy), despite begging me back at one time, I had to finish it for my own self-respect.

I'm not saying that your ex-GF was cheating, but she may have had her 'head turned' by someone else which resulted in her becoming confused. It seems a common scenario. Like my ex-GF, I'd be worried by your ex being confused about what she wants in life and what she expects from a relationship.

The way I am getting over it is by realising that:

1) You are capable of maintaining a mature and lasting relationship, recognising when there may be problems and the importance of working together. This is huge and should give you the self-respect and self-worth you deserve.

2) Your ex has a less mature or developed view of relationships, and may chasing the romantic sparks. She may be having doubts about what a relationship means to her, and there's nothing you can say to change that. In my case, my ex-GF was 'chasing butterflies' I think. Moving to a new city and getting new friends who are also 30 and single and chasing new loves was a big part of this, I think, but just tells me that she does not have the same mature outlook on relationships as I do. I can't change that.

3) Not falling into thinking she is "the one". This is a myth and it's incredibly powerful to realise this. There are many people for everyone, and you need to find someone who overall is willing to work through the hard times with you no matter what. Trust and communication are paramount. Even though your ex and you shared many things in life, it's clear that an important problem was lurking under the surface, which was that she did not share the same outlook on relationships as you do, for whatever reason.

4) Billions of people have gone through this process and survived. There are larger things in life than your relationship, and people get through them and live happy lives all the time. So will you, regardless of how bad you feel right now. Trust this fact of life. Fake until you make it.

I hope this helps some. Right now, you need to keep busy, keep a diary on here and on paper. Feel free to message me if you need to. You need to trust the process and stay as no contact as possible with her.

Thank you both for the replies. Your words do help me find some comfort. I know that she isn't the only person in the world that will make me happy, but she is the person I choose to spend my life with and she rejected me at the 11th hour. It's a pain I'm going to feel for a long time.

Brad.. Keep your chin up. Many blessings are disguised in heartbreak. I have been where you are and I know right now as you sit here and read this, you feel your life just came crushing down on you. And I don't blame you for feeling that way. I am here to tell you that this is probably the best thing to happen to you.

Also there are some good things that you might not have thought of. This ended before you two got married. If you two got married and she decided to divorce, then you would have to add big time lawyer fees and then go to court, fill out paperwork and then divide up all the assets then move and the whole ordeal would of been a bigger and more drawn out strain than what you are feeling now.

So I hate to say it, good for her to see that you two wouldn't of worked out in the long run. But as you said, it takes two and she wasn't into it anymore no matter how good you two got along. She is just on another path from you and that's okay.

Another bright spot is that you have room in your heart and in your life for someone better for you.

I know this all sucks, but youll make it thru and youll be happy again and yes you will meet someone and fall in love. You will see your X from time to time but don't worry about that until you are fully healed. But the main thing to remember is that you are going to be just fine.

 

I truly believe that compatibility is bull. We were on the same life timelines, we had the same sexual desires and libidos, we had the same outlooks on life and religions, we shared so many of the same values. That's what compatibility is about. I really don't think having the same interests in a relationship is essential, but it doesn't matter what I think.

 

To me, every relationship comes down to effort and commitment between the two people. Unfortunately, my ex lost the desire for either of those and makes up other reasons why it can't work between us.

 

I'm so destroyed again. I hate feeling like I just lost my best friend forever.

hey there i agree with you completely about compatibility in relationship, that it isn't about the same interests. It really is about the values that we share with our partner. My ex-bf of 6years and i just ended things too. And i understand the pain you are going through.

He also mentioned that we dont share 'anything in common' which is f-king bull. he likes to play computer games while i dont. But other than that, we hit it off really well, hold great conversations together and we are affectionate. That was just a weak reason for him to give up on us.

I must admit that we have stopped doing fun stuff in the r/s. I usually try to ask him out for dinner dates but he doesnt want to and would rather just stay at home with me. That's when i realised that he just wasn't interested in making things better between us anymore.

Keep your head high. No point chasing someone who has already checked out.

I wish you all the best.