Am I doing the right thing? What would you do?

Hey guys, this is my first time using this website. I am excited for the feedback and if anyone needs my opinion like I am going to ask for yours, let me know!

 

So basically heres the story:

 

I met this girl at work, we hit it off (both college students). I got her number and she added me on Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. She would hit me up literally all the time. For the past couple of months, she has been the primary girl I talked to. But come to find out, she has a boyfriend. She told me this about a week after we first started talking. She told me she was head over heels with the dude, but he treats her like S*** and all of her friends hate him and she thinks he is going to break up with him soon. So I was thinking, stick it out and when she's single, I'll make my go. Over the course of the summer, like I said, we would talk all the time. Every time we talked, she initiated contact first. She would also FaceTime me almost every night, although I could not always talk to her, but again she was pursuing me hard.

 

We hung out twice at our local bar in our hometown. The first time, I met up with her and her best friend and her best friend's boyfriend. This was like a week after meeting her so this was a while back. She kept buying me shots at the bar and after she literally hugged me, and her best friend told me "I love you, you are so much better with her than her boyfriend. He's the biggest dbag I have ever met." She (the girl this post is about) even texted me after saying "You are so much fun, you are the best, etc. but my boyfriend can't find out, he will be so pissed" I replied back saying "It's cool, I don't share my business, just know I see you as more than a friend" To which she replied, "I am extremely attracted to you, but lets just keep the feelings between us, if my bf dumps me I want to know that I didn't do anything wrong and have no regrets." Too which I agreed.

 

In between this time frame, we did not hangout until like 6 weeks after. But again, up until the next time we hungout, she kept pursuing me, hitting me up all the time, face timing me, etc.

 

The next time we hung out, it was the night of her birthday. Her boyfriend was not with her, once again, and she was with her best friend and her boyfriend like the fist time we hung out. I was with a group of my friends and we ended up meeting up with her. I sat next to her when I got there and she was all over me. Before we left, her best friend again reminded me how badly she wants her to dump her boyfriend and be with me because "she clearly likes you" (which was already confirmed after the second week of knowing her) and is so much happier when she's with me and when I am not there, she talks about me all the time.

 

After this night, when I got home around 2-3am, I received a text from her thanking me for coming out and how happy she is when she is with me and I made her birthday. I told her happy birthday, its always a fun time when we are together, and have a goodnight. She replied back immediately saying she loves being with me and that I am "her favorite person in her life". Two nights later, she went out with her girlfriends and when she got home facetimed me at 2am, I was up so I answered. I talked with her for a bit and told her goodnight. Immediately after she texted me saying "You scare me, you are too good to be true" I replied by saying "Well you know that I am true" She then replied "can we have a lot of sex" I put "yes we can" and she said "hahaha im so horny, i wish I was single so we could right now" and I said "I can come right now" She then sent me her locatoin and before I left she once again said "I want you so bad, really really bad, but I can't cheat, I am so sorry" I just said its all goo.

 

 

The situation I just said was literally two weeks ago.

 

So here is the problem now. She got distant and cold when she left for college. This past weekend she moved back in, which is a 6hr drive. Before she left she told me that she comes home every weekend and said stuff about me coming down there on weekends and she would pay for the gas. Crazy right?

*Something I forgot to include was her bf lives in the same city as me. So thats what they would do and her and her boyfriend have been dating for like 6-7months.*

 

When we would talk she would say stuff like her bf only sees her once every 2-3 weeks, doesnt want me, etc. Literally everytime after they hungout, she would text me saying how upset he made her. The first time she vented to me about him I allowed it, then after that I told her "listen, he treats you like crap, your friends dont like him, I do not respect him, but please I do not want to talk about him anymore" she agreed to it.

 

So when she moved back into college, she started getting distant. This last Friday was her last night in town. I was up north so I was unable to see her, and I was with my friends out drinking and having a good time. She texted me, after not talking to me all day for the first time since we met, at like 11 at night. This was after her and her bf hand dinner. She just said Hi and I responded like an hour later. She then said "why do you take so long to respond, what if I dont need you anymore." That irritated me but I just put back "It was only an hour, and what do you mean" She just responded saying "You think too much! hahaha" (something i would always say to her). Then she said her bf left her upset again blah blah blah and I just said okay sorry to hear that. She never responded. Saturday night came around (first full day at college) and again she did not hmu until I snapchatted her and we talked for maybe two snaps and she never said anything after. Sunday came around and again she did not hmu. So I snapchatted he. We talked for a couple hours. She was acting normal then she just stopped responding.

 

Yesterday was Monday and I said enough is enough, I am not going to reach out to her. If she wants to, she'll reach out to me. She never did. And this was the first time in months we did not talk at at least some point in the day. Today we still h ave not talked.

 

Its killing me. What do you guys think about this situation? I feel as now I am doing the right thing and not talking to her. I just do not get how within a week she can go from being seemingly obsessed with me to not talking at all. Do you think its because something I did wrong? Shes back at college and is using that as a scapegoat to get over me? What do you all think?

 

Thanks!

Her boyfriend probably snooped her phone or snaps or facebk or where else you two do your illicit talking and has read her the riot act.

 

You should have stopped talking to her when she said

if my bf dumps me I want to know that I didn't do anything wrong and have no regrets." Too which I agreed.

For you to keep on with her she should have said When I dump my boyfriend You couldn't see the forest for the trees but the fact she phrased it the way she did tells you everything you needed to know to get rid of her and her BS.

 

She has a boyfriend... forget about her and learn from this so that you don't fall into that kind of spider web again.

 

If she contacts you after a while ask her if she's still with her boyfriend and if she is, tell her "see ya" then log off.

Although I feel sorry for the poor guy, the fact remains that she has a boyfriend. In addition to that, it appears she has the IQ of a turnip, cheats on her boyfriend with you, (not physically) but with her little game of "catch me if you can" sort of drama, etc.

 

It's time to see this for what it is, along with setting your standards at a higher level.

Yes you are doing the right thing by not reaching out. And you might want to look at why you'd be attracted to this girl. She is staying with a guy she told you treats her like crap. She even vents to you about it and yet stays with him. Girls who really like another guy do not vent about their boyfriends and stay with him.

 

You are a nice guy. She doesn't want a nice guy, and you are you letting her walk all over you like a lot of nice guys do. I guarantee she will reach out to you again, probably when she's drunk at some late hour, but I suggest you let her go and aim higher.

i would not reach out. i have no idea what she is playing at. she may well like you, but she must like her boyfirend who "treats her badly" more as she will not dump him.

leave her alone, you will find someone who is unattached.

good luck and i hope everything turns out well for you.

First off I would like to thank everyone for their response. Here is a little update since I posted.

 

Last night literally an hour after I posted she Snapchatted me. She then asked to FaceTime with me because she "really misses me"

 

So I said yea and we talked for like a half-hour over face time. Every thing seemed fine and normal. She then apologized for not talking to me Monday, "She has just been really busy with everything and she doesn't want to think shes mad at me or ignoring me" to which I replied, "its cool, i dont need to talk with you 24/7" (in a joking manner)

 

Well now its 3am and I didnt here a word from her, which is cool but contradicts what she said.

 

Oh well, I am still not reaching out to her unless she reaches out to me first. Just thought I'd update you all and Id still like feedback to what everyone thinks.

 

Thanks

A week later, here is an update!

 

So since the last post I have not talked to her. This past Wednesday I woke up to a text from her around midnight saying "Hey, I miss you! Hope everything is going well"

 

I responded "All is well here, hope the same for you" then she ended up telling me that her and her boyfriend are taking a break by her choice. She took him out of her social media but he hasnt. She said that they were seperated for a week and havent said a word to him and he hasn't either and she said " I honetly feel so much better about myself"

 

We then talked for a while and then we ended the convo. She then snappchatted me the next day and i told her to have fun. And I havent talked to her since. (Two days)

 

So do you guys think I should ask her out or just wait until she comes home (again she lives away at school) for her to reach out to me? Or jsut let her go all together?

 

Thanks!

So do you guys think I should ask her out or just wait until she comes home (again she lives away at school) for her to reach out to me? Or jsut let her go all together?

 

No! Let her go. Don't get caught up in some "love triangle". She has to be completely available, which is not the case.

Hey, honestly your situation sound quite similar to mine. I met this girl, we hit off but she had a bf. Her bf was a jerk, she would vent to me bout it and sometimes even called me while crying. We ended up getting together after they broke up. When we were together, she would sometimes say she isn't over her ex and I can see that our relationship is slowly decaying. We tried having breaks. Didnt work end up breaking my heart. She didnt love me anymore. My point is I agree with Heartgoeson, SophieGrace and the rest. Maybe she just need someone to talk about her bf problems. Maybe she liked you but she didnt loved you. Can't really tell as idk her. Dont get attached to her mate. If she's wiling cheat with her bf by playing these games with you or in any sort of form, she is also willing to cheat on you someday. It really depend on you if what she is doing is consider cheating. If you really loved this girl, you could wait for her, but if not its for the best you move on. There are so many more potential partners out there ! I hope I helped and everything goes well for you mate!