My ex girlfriend who dumped me is trying to be friends

After 8 years, my ex girlfriend dumped me. She is 25 I am 24, since she's seemed happy and I'm pretty sure she got with other guys from her work. I've been not contacting her for 40 days but every week she keeps asking how I am what I'm doing, updating me on her life when I don't ask. We were very diplomatic and mature throughout the relationship and we've been through a lot, long distances several times, I've been in and out of work and by the end I think she had enough.

She said just before I started no contact that I need time away from her and she needs some space. Is she genuinely interested in just being friends even with these mixed signals? Or has she tried other guys and realised she still loves and wants to be with me?

I don't want to shut the door on us getting back together, but if that's an absolute no go for her and genuinely wants to just be friends, i'd rather cut her off and heal properly and privately.

I'm so confused.

It could be that she is finding it difficult to let go fully even though she doesn't want to be with you or she could be keeping you on the back burner while she has some fun . Whatever her reasons I would recommend shutting the door completely so you can just get on with you life , don't be anyone's back up plan . If she decides she has made a mistake she will soon find you and tell you that . Limbo is a horrible place to be , so don't allow yourself to be there .

I think she misses you and just want to talk to you (as friends). I recently broke up with my boyfriend and even though i still think it was the right choice i miss him a lot, i want to ask how he is doing, talk to him etc. It's hard when you've been together for so long to suddenly just stop talking/seeing each other. It has become a habit to talk to them on daily base and it just feels empty not to have them. Which is probably why she messages you.

I obviously can't talk for your ex but this might be the case.. I think it's best to talk to her about her intentions because this way it's hard to get over her (if she wants to be friends)

I wish you the best!

I find it really hard to just ignore her messages and I'd find it even harder to bluntly tell her stop messaging me because that would be pretty much the nail in the coffin. I also have a pet dog that she now has that I miss every day, so I'd like to be able to see her at some point in the future when I'm fully healed.

This is so painful but I know it'll get better.

Thanks again for your replies guys!

Kyber

Bro your position is hurtful and difficult.

But at the same time you need to protect yourself.

These are just games to keep the communication alive until she realizes that she cannot find somebody better than you or she does find somebody that she thinks is better and then hangs you out to dry.

Tell her to respect your space and emphasize the point that you did not want this and this is her choice.

Irrespective of how much we need women to love us and care for us, the fact is that they are mean and manipulative.

You need to protect yourself from getting hurt even more because of these games of her.

Let her go, you do not need her as your friend period.

I think going into No Contact is always the best choice.

Don't completely trust what she says. I literally don't know anything about her, but I go by the principle that everyone lies to some extent. She might not want to be genuinely friends; my take is either that she misses you (understandable, mind you) and wants to keep the comfort of hearing you without actually being with you, or that she wants to keep you around in case things don't go as planned with her life/other people.

If there's one thing life has taught me is that people can be extremely selfish, even those we thought would never be purposely harmful towards us. Thing is, we humans are mostly a bunch of self-absorbed, egoistical f---ers. And, as such, I think we should act (except for some circumstances). So, right now, I think you should do whatever makes you feel most comfortable, with little to no concern for what she thinks/feels. If you want to start ignoring her all of sudden, so be it. If you want to tell her first, so be it. If you want to keep on hearing her... well, I honestly wouldn't encourage you to do that, but if you really want, so be it.

This isn't anymore about you two, you as a couple don't exist anymore because she has decided so. This is about you and about your well being, she's out of the picture. Besides, going into complete No Contact might (I stress: might) work in your favor even with her. She might start missing you so much that she'll reconsider her choice. Ideally, that should not be the motivation to start NC, but sometimes it does happen. It happened with me: after two months of NC, she wanted to get back with me. Only to leave me again after a few more months, haha!

Anyway, think about yourself first and foremost. That's the best advice I can give you.

Thanks for your advice guys.

I'm sorry to hear that she left you again samurai. It's so f****** selfish of someone to jump in and out of your life.

This is the first breakup I've had and it's actually surreal all the emotions, second guessing, games. So strange never thought it'd be like this.

Does suck man, everyone says no contact but I can't do it, but sometimes I think being in slight contact could work to an advantage they can see you change and miss you when you don't constantly message them, but that's just my thought process since I'm going through it. gotta be careful not to be constantly there for her on her terms though, date other people too if she asks be honest

I've heard more stories about low contact helping when I had my read through everywhere for the past few months. Even though she's dating someone else at the moment I feel being in the background is more beneficial than disappearing

I think she misses you and just want to talk to you (as friends). I recently broke up with my boyfriend and even though i still think it was the right choice i miss him a lot, i want to ask how he is doing, talk to him etc. It's hard when you've been together for so long to suddenly just stop talking/seeing each other. It has become a habit to talk to them on daily base and it just feels empty not to have them. Which is probably why she messages you.

I obviously can't talk for your ex but this might be the case.. I think it's best to talk to her about her intentions because this way it's hard to get over her (if she wants to be friends)

I wish you the best!

Im wondering if you are dating or seeing anyone else? If you arn't I'm wondering if you'd still feel the same emptiness if you were? This is very hypothetical but it sounds like your in a similar position to her.

Again thanks for your post

OK update: I rang her tonight and basically told her that I'm moving on and that we can't be friends for a while and to stop contacting me. She seemed upset but said she understood, she was saying that we don't have to be best mates or anything but I don't want to lose you out my life. She also said she cares about me and wants to know I'm ok and whats happening in my life. This is completely opposed to what she was like during the first month of the break up. It's frustrating. But I agree with the people who have previously posted, no contact is the only way to go to fully heal. I've accepted that I may never speak to her again and it's feels so surreal!

I'll come back to the post when I have other updates, feel free to share your stories here guys and gals!

But I agree with the people who have previously posted, no contact is the only way to go to fully heal. I've accepted that I may never speak to her again and it's feels so surreal!

I remember when I started NC with my now ex girlfriend. I actually had to do that twice, since she left me two times. It was, like you said, surreal and it was even worse the second time.

The first few days it seems like you're living a life which isn't yours. You're suddenly catapulted into a new reality, which seems more like a nightmare. But... hang on. Be strong and don't falter. Every day you don't contact her is a little victory. And, day after day, you get used to it and it becomes easier. Whenever you get the chance, hang out with your closest and most trusted friends (possibily people with no links to her, otherwise you might be tempted to ask about her), it helps a lot. And if there are any hobbies you're very passionate about... now it's the time to become even more passionate.

I read this thread and got surprised at the similarities in our stories. Why do exes do this so often? My ex also rejected me countless times when I tried to salvage our relationship, decided he didn't even want to be friends by going NC (he was the dumper but thought things were too messed up - after kissing me knowing damn well i had feelings for him) and now, sometimes still likes to pop up in my life with a "friendly text". I just wish I had the strenght you had to ask him to stop doing that. I just want to get back together but I can't handle these "friendly texts" because I won't be able to be "just friends" anytime soon, with all the pain I went through/am going through