I don't feel attractive, please don't tell to convince I am

Uhm, right let's go right into my failure of a love life.

I have never kissed a girl, I have never dated a girl, I haven't even had sex with a girl , I haven't even been told that a girl even remotely wants to go out with me, in actual fact it's been the opposite.

I don't know how dark skinned I am, but I am Tamil, I am not super dark but I am not like super light and fair, I believe I have a misshapened face.

It's so hard sometimes because I walk alone a lot of times thinking about who i could be, who i could have been if I was born as an attractive guy with light skin and amazing slicked back straight thick hair.

It all started in NCS, national citizenship service, I was 16, I was out of shape and I had such long thick hair, I knew I was darker, but I had went to all boys school so I had no idea what girls were per say because I have never experienced them before. There were so many good looking girls there, I knew for a fact that I had no chance so I sat there, there was a indian-English girl there, she had a few guys throwing themselves at her and I knew I wasn't in her league so I sati n my group and sat there quietly, Because I knew I wasn't an alpha, an alpha is someone that is confident and good looking. There was a guy who was from another part of Sri Lanka, who was light, good looking, thick hair, had girls throwing themselves at him, he was a "bad boy" and he knew he was good looking. I know for a fact that girls ed at each other to see who could get him.

I just wanted to have some of that, like to fully experience that type of love, just wondering what it felt like to know if someone was actually thinking of me that way, I spent those 2-3 months thinking if i had the balls to ask out this English-Indian girl, I failed because I knew I wasn't good enough.

I was so depressed with who I was, i gained a lot of weight during my 1st year of sixth form, i started liking this new girl, a blonde girl and it was so hard to do anything in my position. During last year summer, I started working out hard, I slimmed down a ton, I am building up some abs which is alrite. But again, I tried to ask out this girl, I ed up so hard because I so nervous and so much pent up emotion, I failed , I always failed.

Then there was a party 2 weeks, there again was a girl, surprise, surprise, someone that I had liked during primary school because of who she was, I don't think she even wanted to talk to me, she waved at me and smiled, but it was close knit friend group, I met some girls, all good looking, i had conversations with them, but i knew they weren't attracted to me.

That girl with curly long hair, I was so into her and yet I know if a girl doesn't like you, she won't even approach you. It's so hard being me, I struggle with depression constantly because of I know what bullying is, i have had since I was 11, i know what my sixth form and the girls at it used to say about me, I have heard it all. I have never experienced that love, to know what it feels like to be attracted to, for someone to say Hiya with a nervous voice. That 'bad boy' that I first met is getting girls throwing themselves at him every single day probably, he's a jerk, but he has everything he wants.

Being a Tamil sucks so much. Indians work less hard and succeed more, British guys can go out with whoever they want, hell even Tamil girls are going out with anyone that isn't a tamil guy. And when you know u are an ugly tamil guy, in my opinion even after all the changes I made, undercutting my hair, fades all that jazz, I am no different to where I was 2 years ago.

Hang on dude, just hang on!

I am a 24 year old white girl, my skin is radiant and shiny, my cheeks become reddish easily. I have long, slightly burgundy colour hair. But, you know what? I have been rejected within 3 months of a relationship. I don't have a job, I am failing in every competitive exam I am appearing for. My friends are all having a nice job and a better relationship. I don't get compliments, neither I have many good qualities.

But, am I suppose to cry and mourn over that? No, I just can't and mourn over it. I can just work upon myself with the hope that soon I'll be the best version of myself. Don't just live in fools paradise rather get up and work for it.

There is one thing all of those other guys who seem to get all the guys have and it is confidence. And where does confidence start, in yourself. The main thing that is holding you back is how you see yourself.

For a start, stop comparing yourself to other people. You are you. You will never be them so stop getting yourself down because you are not. You need to be happy with who you are and you are not going to get a girl until you do.

Honestly, I went through the same when I was younger. Oh, I am not perfect, no-one will ever love me, boo-hoo. But when you start saying to yourself, I know I am not perfect, but I don't care. I LIKE being me.

Then when it comes to asking girls out, if you are already thinking you are not good enough, then she doesn't even have to reject you, you have already rejected yourself. If you think a girl is nice, go ask her out. Yes, she may say no, but she might say yes. If she does say no, it doesn't mean she thinks you are ugly, you might not be her type, she might be dating someone else, or any of a hundred other reasons.

Don't take the rejection to heart and go ask the next girl and then the next and the next. My mother always said it was a numbers game. If you ask out 100 girls, there will be some that say yes.

And feeling good about yourself is not about having the best hair, the most cut abs or the coolest look.

Hang on dude, just hang on!

I am a 24 year old white girl, my skin is radiant and shiny, my cheeks become reddish easily. I have long, slightly burgundy colour hair. But, you know what? I have been rejected within 3 months of a relationship. I don't have a job, I am failing in every competitive exam I am appearing for. My friends are all having a nice job and a better relationship. I don't get compliments, neither I have many good qualities.

But, am I suppose to cry and mourn over that? No, I just can't and mourn over it. I can just work upon myself with the hope that soon I'll be the best version of myself. Don't just live in fools paradise rather get up and work for it.

Yeah, I just did my a levels, A, B and D, people who did coke at my school, smoked weed every weekend, binge drunk, partied and had a ton of sex every single weekend got As and A*s and got into cambridge. I knew i wasn't good looking and I thought let's work hard, maybe i will be happy then, working hard got me bad grades and I have to repeat a year. Everyone else I see doesn't know how much work I put in , whatever work they do i do more than that and I fail harder, i don't know what is wrong with me. Im a failure at life.

But it's my confidence has been run through the mud since day 1 of secondary school, literally, run through the dirt. I have been called gay over and over for hanging around a camp dude, I have had my picture taken and sent to girls during a tutor period in year 9 and had the responses read out to me. I have had people say where's your lover mate? I said what? They said u aren't getting loved anytime Soon. I have had girls talk so much behind my back and in front of me, that I sit there and go why do i deserve this? I am a nice person, I treat people with respect, if I see someone treating someone else with disrespect, i call them out on their bull, I even specially made messages to people I barely talked to on their 18th because I thought it was important to them, it's their 18th after all, everything I thought of them, yet on my birthday, not one of those remotely sent anything, not even at school, they act thankful then mock you. It's so depressing being me, I hate going outside now, I cover my room with my curtains, I am working hard to build my career and make sure I have a lot of money, I don't want to live this life anymore.

This sounds like the most arrogant move ever, but what i want is to be a millionaire, then when it comes to school reunion, drive in with a lambo and say screw u all then drive off because they deserve that.

I might put a picture up, I am not confident but I might, be as honest as you can be about me, I really don't mind because I've heard it all from everyone and everything so yeah just be real with it.

Yeah, I just did my a levels, A, B and D, people who did coke at my school, smoked weed every weekend, binge drunk, partied and had a ton of sex every single weekend got As and A*s and got into cambridge. I knew i wasn't good looking and I thought let's work hard, maybe i will be happy then, working hard got me bad grades and I have to repeat a year. Everyone else I see doesn't know how much work I put in , whatever work they do i do more than that and I fail harder, i don't know what is wrong with me. Im a failure at life.

Its because you are not happy. You attract negatives. Be positive, stay cheerful and always hope for the best and prepare for the worst, and keep on working then things will automatically fall in places.

I was positive this year, I came in more confident, doing well, then the blonde girl thing happened, i failed, everything failed, im a failure. I was way more positive this year than any other year, yet I am still a failure. I just want people to acknowledge me or even want to talk to me or even show some interest, from what i hear from other people, I am simply going to be the forgotton one, the one that my class mates 10 years from now will say remember all of those good things, drinking ourselves to point of vomiting and still succeeding at life, i don't remember that guy, what's his name, he was never part of any of our stuff, he didn't come to main school parties and he ended up failing.

It's interesting that you are down on yourself for feeling unattractive... yet you only describe being interested in attractive women. Does that sound like a system that is going to work? How many "unattractive" women have you ignored? Could be ironic. Just something to think about.

It's also interesting that you describe women by physical traits only, or that you sat quietly in a group situation. Nothing you've said suggests that you have learned how to relate to people. Those "bad boys", they're entertaining. People in their early 20's want entertaining. But the good part is that you're starting to get in the range that people will be maturing past that.

A marathon can't be run by showing up on the day of the race and do 26 miles without ever having run before. It takes a lot of training. It's the same with people, you have to work up to it. Without starting with the goal of dating or attractiveness, start getting used to putting yourself in new social situations - activity groups, clubs, volunteer. These will help you practice developing skills to relate to new people. It won't be easy at first, give it time. Women do like confidence. But first you have to have the confidence and skills in social settings.

And before you give examples how none of this has worked the one or two times you might have tried, just get out there and do this.

You know, we all get dealt the hand we get dealt when it comes to looks and not everyone (most people, in fact) don't get to be especially attractive. The good news is though that you don't have to be in order to have a good, fulfilling romantic life.

What you need to be is the best version of yourself that you can be. That means a (mostly) healthy diet, exercise, that you do well in school and make something of yourself, etc. Of course, always be clean, well-groomed, dress well, find the right haircut for you, etc.

You know, we all get dealt the hand we get dealt when it comes to looks and not everyone (most people, in fact) don't get to be especially attractive. The good news is though that you don't have to be in order to have a good, fulfilling romantic life.

 

What you need to be is the best version of yourself that you can be. That means a (mostly) healthy diet, exercise, that you do well in school and make something of yourself, etc. Of course, always be clean, well-groomed, dress well, find the right haircut for you, etc.

Yeah i tried that xD, im improving everyday. my hair is so ing weird i swear to god, it's like wavy but also thick but also doesn't ever listen to product that i apply and after i do it, i go what the hell happened, cos it's looks either without volume or crooked. I am on a clean diet, everything is better, I am out of my depressive stage, but i end up in moments where I end up posting a thread on this xD, yeah sorry, it's just falling back into that stage. I try my best every day to be a better me

Yeah i tried that xD, im improving everyday. my hair is so ing weird i swear to god, it's like wavy but also thick but also doesn't ever listen to product that i apply and after i do it, i go what the hell happened, cos it's looks either without volume or crooked. I am on a clean diet, everything is better, I am out of my depressive stage, but i end up in moments where I end up posting a thread on this xD, yeah sorry, it's just falling back into that stage. I try my best every day to be a better me

If you have wavy hair, don't try to have straight hair with product. There are many women who like wavy hair. Just figure out a style that makes wavy hair look best.

You know, we all get dealt the hand we get dealt when it comes to looks and not everyone (most people, in fact) don't get to be especially attractive. The good news is though that you don't have to be in order to have a good, fulfilling romantic life.

 

What you need to be is the best version of yourself that you can be. That means a (mostly) healthy diet, exercise, that you do well in school and make something of yourself, etc. Of course, always be clean, well-groomed, dress well, find the right haircut for you, etc.

It's so true. My boyfriend is not conventionally handsome. He had crazy thick/wavy hair and acne when we were in high school. I liked him though, because he had such an awesome personality. I was a pretty girl, but he barely knew I was alive because I was quiet. And WEIRD.

20 years later, I still had a little thing for him. We started dating, and we've been together 5 years. Maybe he's not the handsomest guy, but he is one of the most beautiful people I know, and I wouldn't give him up even if the young Paul Newman strode in to sweep me off my feet.

It's interesting that you are down on yourself for feeling unattractive... yet you only describe being interested in attractive women. Does that sound like a system that is going to work? How many "unattractive" women have you ignored? Could be ironic. Just something to think about.

 

It's also interesting that you describe women by physical traits only, or that you sat quietly in a group situation. Nothing you've said suggests that you have learned how to relate to people. Those "bad boys", they're entertaining. People in their early 20's want entertaining. But the good part is that you're starting to get in the range that people will be maturing past that.

 

A marathon can't be run by showing up on the day of the race and do 26 miles without ever having run before. It takes a lot of training. It's the same with people, you have to work up to it. Without starting with the goal of dating or attractiveness, start getting used to putting yourself in new social situations - activity groups, clubs, volunteer. These will help you practice developing skills to relate to new people. It won't be easy at first, give it time. Women do like confidence. But first you have to have the confidence and skills in social settings.

 

And before you give examples how none of this has worked the one or two times you might have tried, just get out there and do this.

Yeah my internet has been dodgy for most of today, that's why I just gave a basic description on each of them i could have gone indepth with personality but it's again quite hard with a dodgy internet atm.

but "unattractive women" barely even talk to me anyway xD, I wouldn't ignore them even if I wanted to, I am a nice guy that will talk to anyone if they came up to me, I wouldn't ignore a single person unless they are cocky or treat others badly.

It's hard in group situations, in some group situations, I am funny, I am confident and I know where I stand with these people, in other situations, it's uneasy and I feel like i need to take a backseat because everyone else in the group are more dominant in the group and thus i can't get a word in, u know what I mean.

Yeah i tried that xD, im improving everyday. my hair is so ing weird i swear to god, it's like wavy but also thick but also doesn't ever listen to product that i apply and after i do it, i go what the hell happened, cos it's looks either without volume or crooked. I am on a clean diet, everything is better, I am out of my depressive stage, but i end up in moments where I end up posting a thread on this xD, yeah sorry, it's just falling back into that stage. I try my best every day to be a better me

Have you ever tried a short, clipper-type cut? It may work for you.

OP,

There is a part of you that is choosing to think you're not attractive looking. what purpose does this

thinking serve for you?

OP,

 

There is a part of you that is choosing to think you're not attractive looking. what purpose does this

thinking serve for you?

I dont know to be honest, I think it's just me really being panicked about my future. I have constantly failed through my life, I haven't been happy, I didn't achieve that I wanted to do by 18, and I feel like everyone else around me is progressing at such massive rates, u know they have girlfriends now, they have a massive friend group, they are succeeding at life. My attractivness just falls under that umbrella of stuff I feel like I have failed at, I failed at looking good, I failed at the stuff I wanted to succeed at. I used to convince myself naively, dont worry these bullies will regret this, I will be successful, I will be a millionaire, I will be acknowledged as a someone, Now I feel like I haven't done anything, I won't achieve anything and I cannnot make it to the top. My ultimate aim was to be so rich that I could start to help others, poor kids who don't have what I have, to show them something. My attractiveness is just part of my problem, it's a good chunk, but i dont know it's hard to explain, i feel like life is a heartless b that's just leaving me behind on my backside.

I dont know to be honest, I think it's just me really being panicked about my future. I have constantly failed through my life, I haven't been happy, I didn't achieve that I wanted to do by 18, and I feel like everyone else around me is progressing at such massive rates, u know they have girlfriends now, they have a massive friend group, they are succeeding at life. My attractivness just falls under that umbrella of stuff I feel like I have failed at, I failed at looking good, I failed at the stuff I wanted to succeed at. I used to convince myself naively, dont worry these bullies will regret this, I will be successful, I will be a millionaire, I will be acknowledged as a someone, Now I feel like I haven't done anything, I won't achieve anything and I cannnot make it to the top. My ultimate aim was to be so rich that I could start to help others, poor kids who don't have what I have, to show them something. My attractiveness is just part of my problem, it's a good chunk, but i dont know it's hard to explain, i feel like life is a heartless b that's just leaving me behind on my backside.

A hugely insightful post!

Have a short minute: Consider whether your self image protects you from failing, by giving you an excuse to fail?

Then consider what IS failure? Is it a path to the next step or a dead end? Can one succeed without failing first?

I will check in later.

A hugely insightful post!

 

Have a short minute: Consider whether your self image protects you from failing, by giving you an excuse to fail?

 

Then consider what IS failure? Is it a path to the next step or a dead end? Can one succeed without failing first?

 

I will check in later.

My self image doesn't protect me from anything, I am hugely critical of everything i do, every mistake i make, that's why I hate my appearance and my abilities, I wouldn't say my self image gives me an excuse to fail, if I fail, I fail, I can't say I am the best anymore, I failed, all I can say is I want to get better because I know i am better and sometimes it goes too far when I have a ton of failures heaped up and I go, am I not good enough, the current me isn't good enough, why am I failing, when others succeed with lesser effort, who have everything that I want, the invitations, the love, the success, the ability to be cherished by others. At the end of the day, I actually hate everything I do, I just want to keep improving but when failures heap up whether it's relationship wise or academic wise, it's hard to overcome and my inside says you are better than this, you can do it but my mind says you just aren't cut out to succeed, you just aren't that guy that will do something in his life, you aren't that guy that will help change the lives of people around him. I don't want anyone facing the bullying I have faced, I don't want people to end up depressed like i have, I don't know what I want, I just want to reverse time and redo my life and make changes. I want everything that I dream of every single moment of my day, when i wake up, when I go to sleep, i want everything so I can say I didn't put in hard work for nothing. Idk, im going off track here

My self image doesn't protect me from anything, I am hugely critical of everything i do, every mistake i make, that's why I hate my appearance and my abilities, I wouldn't say my self image gives me an excuse to fail, if I fail, I fail, I can't say I am the best anymore, I failed, all I can say is I want to get better because I know i am better and sometimes it goes too far when I have a ton of failures heaped up and I go, am I not good enough, the current me isn't good enough, why am I failing, when others succeed with lesser effort, who have everything that I want, the invitations, the love, the success, the ability to be cherished by others. At the end of the day, I actually hate everything I do, I just want to keep improving but when failures heap up whether it's relationship wise or academic wise, it's hard to overcome and my inside says you are better than this, you can do it but my mind says you just aren't cut out to succeed, you just aren't that guy that will do something in his life, you aren't that guy that will help change the lives of people around him. I don't want anyone facing the bullying I have faced, I don't want people to end up depressed like i have, I don't know what I want, I just want to reverse time and redo my life and make changes. I want everything that I dream of every single moment of my day, when i wake up, when I go to sleep, i want everything so I can say I didn't put in hard work for nothing. Idk, im going off track here

Choose to retrain your inner voice. Would you say those things to a friend? Why to yourself then?

Also, get to know this author / thread:

Choose to retrain your inner voice. Would you say those things to a friend? Why to yourself then?

Well i haven't said things like this to a friend, i am telling you about it, and you are some internet guy from probably thousands of miles away from me xD

I don't know, every moment of my day I am visualising what I want and I am so hungry just to achieve those goals, it's just sad when I can't achieve them, and i end up over powering the visualisation that once did bring me some success. Everything I do I am disappointed with , I want it so badly, I want people in my school, or well now ex school since I am 18 and just left school to recognise me, I want them to think of me differently instead of mocking me, I want to change people's opinions of me, I want them to at least put some worth on my existence. I dont know if this makes any sense

Well i haven't said things like this to a friend, i am telling you about it, and you are some internet guy from probably thousands of miles away from me xD

I don't know, every moment of my day I am visualising what I want and I am so hungry just to achieve those goals, it's just sad when I can't achieve them, and i end up over powering the visualisation that once did bring me some success. Everything I do I am disappointed with , I want it so badly, I want people in my school, or well now ex school since I am 18 and just left school to recognise me, I want them to think of me differently instead of mocking me, I want to change people's opinions of me, I want them to at least put some worth on my existence. I dont know if this makes any sense

This makes A LOT of sense, and many of us have shared these thoughts about ourselves. Are you ready to change your thinking pattern from the inside out?

This makes A LOT of sense, and many of us have shared these thoughts about ourselves. Are you ready to change your thinking pattern from the inside out?

Yeah I have already started, i am a mixed martial artist, I have seen the way Conor McGregor talks and acts, the way he has supreme confidence in his self, the way he visualises his victories and there isn't an inch of doubt in his mind, but yeah i want to change my thinking pattern from inside out. Conor is someone I want to be, someone who doesn't give up, puts in the work and says that he will do it and he does it. I don't have the formula of how to be successful, I don't know how I am going to visualise my way to that. I have a small gathering on Saturday, just a couple of friends but we are going to pub i think for a bit then coming back to watch McG vs May fight, but I am trying to visualize myself talking to a girl at the pub and knowing it will going well.

Yes i am ready to change my thinking pattern

You're only 18! You're barely out of the pimpled-skin, peach fuz'd age. I'm 42 now, didn't have sex until I was 21. I was deathly afraid of approaching a gorgeous woman for other than strictly homework etc, probably like you, due to the similar eastern cultured family background trying to find my way in the Western world as I was growing up. Funny I was always attracted to the cutest white girls too probably because I felt I wasn't cool enough to be with them- you know, what you can't have you desire it more? Well, I ended up dating one of the hottest chicks in college because I gathered up the courage to flirt with her at the library over a period of a few days. She told me later she was wondering how many more days it would take for me to approach her. She thought I was different than most guys, she liked my shyness.

I've since dated several great looking women of all ethnicity and turns out that there are many women that will say no and several that will say yes. However, no woman is going to come to your door and ask you to go out with them. So you have to gain the self-confidence in yourself to do that, for me, even today when I dress nice, when my body looks fit/atheletic, I gain confidence 5x. So do what makes you feel great and go play the numbers game. A no doesn't mean there's something wrong with you...it only means you kiss the next frog until you find your princess.