Long distance relationship - Experiences/opinions on open relationships

I've been in a long distance relationship for a while, we aren't able to see each other on a daily basis, perhaps every three months or so if our working schedules don't conflict. I'm in a perfectly stable relationship where eventually we'll get married to eliminate this problem, but being apart has always got me so sexually frustrated. I find myself missing the sexual relief and intimacy which is can be difficult when your partner is so far away.

My questions is, has anyone experienced open relationships and whether or not they've been or know of any that have been successful? We're normally very monogamous but on this occasion, I keep finding myself thinking about it more and more.

In my life, I have known two couples who were in a 'true' open relationship (personally, I think a lot of people simply use that term to avoid commitment and it's not truly an open relationship but more like casual dating - which is different). These couples had their 'primary' relationship (in both cases, it was their spouse) and they each took lovers. They were open with their spouse about their lovers and had boundaries (and 'veto' powers) on those relationships if they felt boundaries were being crossed.

Couple #1, the husband was best friends with my very good friend (i.e.: in my circle of friends but not people I would consider direct friends). It seemed (at least from the outside) to work for them for a good number of years (more than 5, less than 10). The couple did eventually divorce. The wife left the husband for one of her lovers to have a monogamous relationship. I asked the husband whether he felt the relationship simply came to a natural end or whether the open status contributed to the fall of the relationship. While he did feel that it had an impact, it did not deter him from persuing other open relationships. He was in a number of other open relationships over the years (I never met those women as he moved away). He is now, however, married and in a monogamous relationship with another lady.

Couple #2 - it was a philosophy professor at the college I attended. He was a popular professor and he talked about it a lot in class. He said their relationship had been open for 20+ years. I do not know what happened to that couple (I graduated) but rumor in town is that they are now divorced. But... that's juicy college gossip rumor so take it with a grain of salt. Lol!

In summary - I do think that it's possible - if both people are transparent and into it with awesome communication - but you do very much run the risk that they will catch feelings for someone else that they are sleeping with. More risk than normal? I dunno. I'm sure there's a study on it somewhere (lol!). I would tend to lean to 'yes' - but that's just my own (probably biased) opinion.

It's really hard to transition from monogamous to open, though. THAT I have never seen work. Those relationships where it worked (at least for a time) started out open.

I think what RedDress described is what I was going to offer. That you would wind up with the person you found closer to where you live. I think the two people in an open relationship would have to have absolutely no jealousy in their personalities. Not only that, but the partners they would have to have no jealousy in them too, not want to get married, or just interested in keeping the relationship on a casual basis.

Eventually, the relationship won't be enough for many people and people would breakup eventually.

In your case, you're looking for a girlfriend locally you can break up with whenever you need to. It could explain some of the breakups that people write to ENA about where the other person just walks out of their life and the relationship is over. Because that partner has someone else to go to.

I think what RedDress described is what I was going to offer. That you would wind up with the person you found closer to where you live. I think the two people in an open relationship would have to have absolutely no jealousy in their personalities. Not only that, but the partners they would have to have no jealousy in them too, not want to get married, or just interested in keeping the relationship on a casual basis.

 

Eventually, the relationship won't be enough for many people and people would breakup eventually.

 

In your case, you're looking for a girlfriend locally you can break up with whenever you need to. It could explain some of the breakups that people write to ENA about where the other person just walks out of their life and the relationship is over. Because that partner has someone else to go to.

It's a valid point, I guess my ideal circumstance would be a FWB kind of situation and something to fill the void while she's not around. I still have at least another 6 months or so until we'll be together permanently anyway, but this need for an outlet of that sort keeps bothering me as of late.

You have a big challenge with your relationship - its long distance. Do not create another challenge with an open relationship. You will lose her. I don't understand why people say "we will get married eventually" and then act like that means its okay to have sex with others because its a guarantee that you will marry eventually. its not. she is not a done deal or guarantee.

if you want to marry her, be faithful. Work on seeing her more often, even if its just for a day. Not every trip needs to be an extended week. There are last minute flights where you can leave on a friday night and come home on a saturday night or the red eye monday - or depending on how far -- or if she is not as far -- there's the in and out in a day thing -- just to get some facetime. And when can you be together? Can you transfer somewhere where you are in an hour or two of eachother?

If you don't want to marry you, or the distance is too much, then let her go -- meet women who are closer.

It's a valid point, I guess my ideal circumstance would be a FWB kind of situation and something to fill the void while she's not around. I still have at least another 6 months or so until we'll be together permanently anyway, but this need for an outlet of that sort keeps bothering me as of late.

Its only 6 months! You are almost there. Work out your frustration through doing more running and exercises to burn off the energy and perhaps meditation. Hang on! You are almost there! If you have a sex buddy, you will lose her forever.

Its only 6 months! You are almost there. Work out your frustration through doing more running and exercises to burn off the energy and perhaps meditation. Hang on! You are almost there! If you have a sex buddy, you will lose her forever.

It'll be like 6 + whatever the visa process is but I do take your point. She lives in the US and I'm in the UK, so we're talking like $400 for a return ticket which just isn't feasible most weekends hence the frustration.

I've read a lot of cases where open relationships have worked, but again I'm merely here to get the opinions of others and see if anyone's had any experiences themselves.

It'll be like 6 + whatever the visa process is but I do take your point. She lives in the US and I'm in the UK, so we're talking like $400 for a return ticket which just isn't feasible most weekends hence the frustration.

 

I've read a lot of cases where open relationships have worked, but again I'm merely here to get the opinions of others and see if anyone's had any experiences themselves.

Then you get a side job waiting tables, pay attention to special deals going on from time to time so you can see her again during this time.

At any rate -- if two people are seeing eachother casually - i guess anything goes -- but how would you feel if she said "i can't wait 6 more months - i think i'd like to sleep around with other guys?" Just think about how you would feel. Also, imagine yourself telling her "this is too hard being apart, i would like to blow off some steam and sleep with someone else." Imagine yourself uttering those words to her. How would that feel to you? Self control is a sign of maturity, btw.

If the urge is THAT strong, though, maybe breaking up with her is the better option than cheating

400 dollars is nothing. I spent nearly 3k to visit an old ex from the States many years ago.

If it were me and I really loved them, I'd hold out. It's just 6 months. Come on.

First of all, I've known four couples with open relationships and they all failed within a few years.

I was in a long distance relationship for over 2 years. I like to have sex everyday. I held out perfectly fine. I might have gone a little crazy during long stretches, but I never even had the thought cross my mind to actually have sex with anyone else (might have uncontrollably popped in my head but luckily my logic took care of that).

You said you are very monogamous. I can't see how you could have a relationship after being with another. Creates way too much drama.

Just hold out if the person is worth it. If they aren't just break up.

Try to find ways to get somewhat of a fix long distance. Video Skype or something. Be creative. Also be very careful. Don't want a video or pictures getting out.

It'll be like 6 + whatever the visa process is but I do take your point. She lives in the US and I'm in the UK, so we're talking like $400 for a return ticket which just isn't feasible most weekends hence the frustration.

 

I've read a lot of cases where open relationships have worked, but again I'm merely here to get the opinions of others and see if anyone's had any experiences themselves.

I think the bigger question, before asking if an open relationship works is whether or not your lady would buy into it.

Cover that first and if she's on board, ask how well it worked for others.

I would assume they are only as successful as the two people who are committed to it are.

I would assume they are only as successful as the two people who are committed to it are.

This was my thinking before coming here, but it's interesting to hear the views of different people. I've read and heard about a lot of occasions where it's been successful, even in where couple together experiment outside of their relationship.