Is there a way past this?

I found explicit messages my boyfriend had sent to gay/transgender people on a swingers website over a period of 7 weeks. This was a straight relationship of 1 year and it had always been amazing and happy, or so I thought. I had the suspicion something was amiss as our sex life had somewhat changed, however after a year it is normal for the passion to fade a little. (Talking once in 5 weeks). But it should have been the happiest point of our relationship, our first holiday together, weddings, family meals. And I never had any indication that he had this curiosity, he has only ever been with females. When I confronted him he tried to explain that it was just for kicks and he had no intention of ever meeting anyone. I'm open minded and I can believe sexual orientation is a bit more fluid than gay/straight/bi. But the trust has been broken and I feel betrayed. He is desperate for us to work things out and I want to believe him/believe we can as I still love him very much and I wasn't ready for this to end. He said it's not something he wants to explore or would have ever physically pursued. Can this be fixed?

He's lying to you. There has been more than one message through the span of weeks. This is who he is and if you stay together he will continue to cheat on you. Be strong and walk away.

I found explicit messages my boyfriend had sent to gay/transgender people on a swingers website over a period of 7 weeks. This was a straight relationship of 1 year and it had always been amazing and happy, or so I thought. I had the suspicion something was amiss as our sex life had somewhat changed, however after a year it is normal for the passion to fade a little. (Talking once in 5 weeks). But it should have been the happiest point of our relationship, our first holiday together, weddings, family meals. And I never had any indication that he had this curiosity, he has only ever been with females. When I confronted him he tried to explain that it was just for kicks and he had no intention of ever meeting anyone. I'm open minded and I can believe sexual orientation is a bit more fluid than gay/straight/bi. But the trust has been broken and I feel betrayed. He is desperate for us to work things out and I want to believe him/believe we can as I still love him very much and I wasn't ready for this to end. He said it's not something he wants to explore or would have ever physically pursued. Can this be fixed?

I'm sorry, but I don't buy that. He already was exploring the idea by visiting a swingers' site to begin with. I think you've just found out who he really is, OP.

Also, the problem for me wouldn't be so much him questioning his sexuality but the fact that he actively deceived you by communicating with third parties at all when you thought your relationship was monogamous. He broke your trust in a major way and I would bet any money there is still more you don't know. This is likely not all there is to it.

It's only been a year. I would walk away and find someone you can trust, because it's not this guy.

I know what I should do but I don't think I'm strong enough and it's not all black and white when I still love him so so much and I wasn't ready for this to end. It's only been a year but a year of being together constantly and having a future planned is still hard and it doesn't lessen how difficult this is.

Yes, it's hard. You've just been delivered quite a shock. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling.

I know you have spent a lot of time together and planned a future. You're invested, naturally. But you invested and planned with someone who wasn't equally invested, nor was he who he presented himself to be. The plans and future you envisioned turned out be built on quicksand, because the solid foundation you thought you had was actually full of holes and likely to deteriorate.

How did you find out all of this, out of curiosity?

Also, I would get yourself tested. I say that to anyone who discovers their partners are searching for others outside the relationship, of any gender or orientation. You can't take him at his word anymore so please don't blindly put your own health at risk and assume that he's suddenly being honest that he never met or had sex with anyone else. Perhaps he didn't, but that is not a chance you should take.

I know what I should do but I don't think I'm strong enough and it's not all black and white when I still love him so so much and I wasn't ready for this to end. It's only been a year but a year of being together constantly and having a future planned is still hard and it doesn't lessen how difficult this is.

I know it's hard. But it's better to leave an one year than finding out 3 years later that he's continued this behavior. I wouldn't want to waste anymore time on someone who would willingly put my heart and health on the line.