Very confused with my life and don’t know what to do next.

Right now, I am very confused by my life and where I live and feel like I am getting old at 28 and am not where I should be. A few years ago, I was quite depressed. I say that in that while I may be disappointed and envious lately, I am not clinically depressed like I was then. While I didn't appreciate it at the time, I was lucky to have my first girlfriend. I decided on a whim to move to a smaller city up north with her to transfer to a dead end job selling computers at a chain, not being paid very well. I guess they call it a quarter life crisis, but around that time I had a burning desire to change my life, which I am still pursuing.... I did a lot for who I was at that time, I started going back to university to finish my failed university degree, I released a music album (although no one cared), and I started thinking hard about my life and my relationship. I realized that I was attracted to other girls I saw, and wasn’t really attracted to my girlfriend anymore. I felt guilty at the time, and thought through it, but eventually decided to be honest with my-self and break up with her, instead of continuing a lie. It’s strange, she had a lot of great qualities, and it was like we were best friends, but this is what my gut feeling and intuition said and there was no spark left.

I thought that things would be easy, but they haven’t been. I didn’t really know anyone in this smaller city here, I was kind of chubby, disorganized and definitely socially awkward. So for about a year and a half I would go to bars alone. Throughout this time I experienced a lot of rejection. Sometimes I’d talk to girls for a couple hours, and a couple of times was really into a girl—but either they’d flake out, they’d have boyfriends, or I wouldn’t get anywhere. Also, failure on dating websites drove home the fact that maybe there's something wrong with me. I always thought I was quite attractive to girls, as they always look at me, and I generally get along with them, but this didn’t seem to pan out. At this moment, I haven’t had sex for a year and it’s getting close to two years since my last girlfriend.

Of-course, this has made me introspective, and I've been analyzing my life and what to improve. I know I still have faults, but… I’ve been forcing myself to be social, I’ve lost thirty pounds, improved my diet, go to the gym occasionally, and got off my medication. Still, despite all of these advancements, I feel like there’s not much fruit to my labor. I look at my stepbrother, who has had multiple girlfriends, has a nice paying job, and yet I look at horror at how normal and banal his existence is. Recently I have made some friends, but I don’t like them, I find them kind of annoying or mental etc. Similarly, I started playing in a band, and while I like some of the members, I can tell that the leader etc has a very negative outlook on life, and isn't someone I can be close to, and I've realized that often the people you are around affect you.

Anyways, here's the problem.. I know exactly what I want to accomplish in life: I want to meet girls and improve social skills with them, eat right, get a good part time job, enjoy nature and get involved in the community. However, I sit in this city, almost done my degree which I keep procrastinating the last course or two on, and I feel overwhelmingly alone, not satisfied with my friends and my sex life. The end of the month is coming up and I have to either find a place or continue living in my car.. and yet part of me wants to move to a new city, to start a new life, or travel, even if the summer is over. On the other hand, I feel like I am rushing and being impulsive, and that there's no clear direction in my life. I am pretty mentally stable, and looking to be productive, but I have no idea what to do, I don’t know whether I should be travelling, I should be staying in this city, moving in a rush.. This scares me being stuck in limbo. Sometimes I think about being bullied in highschool and all of the struggles I've been through, and I think about people who are laid all the time, and life falls into place for them and it makes me mad. I know I am attractive, intelligent, creative, able-bodied.. and yet I feel like a prisoner, except a prisoner without a green pasture to escape to.

How do I figure where to live and what to do, and get out of this horrible limbo?

You say that you approach girls in bars and that you're intelligent and attractive, yet you are down and don't have luck? Go little by little, I think you're thinking too far ahead. Finish your courses and maybe try to meet girls at your college.

Right now, I am very confused by my life and where I live and feel like I am getting old at 28 and am not where I should be. A few years ago, I was quite depressed. I say that in that while I may be disappointed and envious lately, I am not clinically depressed like I was then. While I didn't appreciate it at the time, I was lucky to have my first girlfriend. I decided on a whim to move to a smaller city up north with her to transfer to a dead end job selling computers at a chain, not being paid very well. I guess they call it a quarter life crisis, but around that time I had a burning desire to change my life, which I am still pursuing.... I did a lot for who I was at that time, I started going back to university to finish my failed university degree, I released a music album (although no one cared), and I started thinking hard about my life and my relationship. I realized that I was attracted to other girls I saw, and wasn’t really attracted to my girlfriend anymore. I felt guilty at the time, and thought through it, but eventually decided to be honest with my-self and break up with her, instead of continuing a lie. It’s strange, she had a lot of great qualities, and it was like we were best friends, but this is what my gut feeling and intuition said and there was no spark left.

 

I thought that things would be easy, but they haven’t been. I didn’t really know anyone in this smaller city here, I was kind of chubby, disorganized and definitely socially awkward. So for about a year and a half I would go to bars alone. Throughout this time I experienced a lot of rejection. Sometimes I’d talk to girls for a couple hours, and a couple of times was really into a girl—but either they’d flake out, they’d have boyfriends, or I wouldn’t get anywhere. Also, failure on dating websites drove home the fact that maybe there's something wrong with me. I always thought I was quite attractive to girls, as they always look at me, and I generally get along with them, but this didn’t seem to pan out. At this moment, I haven’t had sex for a year and it’s getting close to two years since my last girlfriend.

 

Of-course, this has made me introspective, and I've been analyzing my life and what to improve. I know I still have faults, but… I’ve been forcing myself to be social, I’ve lost thirty pounds, improved my diet, go to the gym occasionally, and got off my medication. Still, despite all of these advancements, I feel like there’s not much fruit to my labor. I look at my stepbrother, who has had multiple girlfriends, has a nice paying job, and yet I look at horror at how normal and banal his existence is. Recently I have made some friends, but I don’t like them, I find them kind of annoying or mental etc. Similarly, I started playing in a band, and while I like some of the members, I can tell that the leader etc has a very negative outlook on life, and isn't someone I can be close to, and I've realized that often the people you are around affect you.

 

Anyways, here's the problem.. I know exactly what I want to accomplish in life: I want to meet girls and improve social skills with them, eat right, get a good part time job, enjoy nature and get involved in the community. However, I sit in this city, almost done my degree which I keep procrastinating the last course or two on, and I feel overwhelmingly alone, not satisfied with my friends and my sex life. The end of the month is coming up and I have to either find a place or continue living in my car.. and yet part of me wants to move to a new city, to start a new life, or travel, even if the summer is over. On the other hand, I feel like I am rushing and being impulsive, and that there's no clear direction in my life. I am pretty mentally stable, and looking to be productive, but I have no idea what to do, I don’t know whether I should be travelling, I should be staying in this city, moving in a rush.. This scares me being stuck in limbo. Sometimes I think about being bullied in highschool and all of the struggles I've been through, and I think about people who are laid all the time, and life falls into place for them and it makes me mad. I know I am attractive, intelligent, creative, able-bodied.. and yet I feel like a prisoner, except a prisoner without a green pasture to escape to.

 

How do I figure where to live and what to do, and get out of this horrible limbo?

Everyone in their twenties gets a little lost at one time or another so you're not alone. I think you definitely need to get a place because it can't be fun living in your car. So firstly you should focus on getting a part time job. Because if you want to travel, have a social life you need money. So that should be your main priority at the moment.

Once you get settled why not try try meetup. com? It's a site where you can meet people through activities and events in your local area. This would really help your social skills and you'll make new friends and hopefully you could meet girls through them.

I would recommend going travelling though, visiting different places really is amazing and you realise that there's so much more to life than just your city or town.

Take things one step at a time and good luck to you.