I can't quit thinking about him. What is my next move?

So there is this guy that I can NOT quit thinking about and I need some guidance. I'm 29 and haven't dated too much the last few years. I'm super independent and am kind of a homebody lol. I live in a smaller town and am over the bar scene! I do go out a few times a month with the girls though. I've never been the girl who always had to have a boyfriend. I'm kind of shy so when I'd see a guy that I thought was cute, nothing was pursued. Living in a small town also sucks and is hard because everyone knows everyone or who dated so and so and blah blah.

I recently met this guy who is in his mid 30's. We exchanged numbers and he contacted me back in June. We ended up hanging out that night as a group and had a blast! I went home with him (so out of my character) but I did and we had a blast! He wanted me to stay the night and we talked all night. Yes we hooked up. But it wasn't like any other time that I've "just hooked" up with a guy. I'm not a very sexual active person at all. I know it sounds like it but I'm not. Yes I've had my share of fun but as I've gotten older, I'm kind of over the "let's all sleep together" fad. I'm also not the type of girl who sleeps with a guy and is obsessed with him the next day. The last person I slept with before him was just casual sex and has been for years on and off. I've been active with two guys the last couple of years and it's been super casual but with this new guy, it was so different. Of course I didn't hear from him after and it made me feel blah. He did tell me that he just got over a custody battle after a bad divorce and was getting his son for the summer. He went through a bad divorce a while back so he has tons going on. Being a single dad and a new house.

I decided to take a chance and texted him a few weeks after to see if he was getting out that night and he told me he had just gotten his son for the summer so he wasn't doing anything. He is a very nice person and wasn't rude about it at all. I didn't bother him anymore. Few weeks later he texted me kind of late seeing what I was doing and I was in bed. We Snapchatted a few times here and there then last Thursday, I FB messaged him to see if he and the guys were getting out and he said, were hanging at the house but y'all are more than welcome to stop by after you leave the club. During that time we went to another location so I didn't reply to FB and so he also texted me telling me the same thing. I told him okay I'll holler at you. Later that night on my way home I called him and he told me to come over. It took me a while to get there so he texted me to make sure I was okay.

I got there and we talked for an hour while hanging outside. He was supper affectionate and asked about my family. Told me how beautiful I looked. We laughed and always have a good time. We went inside and his son was up so I met him.

We hooked up and laid there for a while and talked and laughed. We went outside and hung out with his buddies (he had his arm around me the whole time) but it got late and I had to work early so I left. He carried my bag and walked me to my car (opened the door) and I sat down, he kissed me and told me to text him when I got home. I did and said "I'm home, don't be a stranger! Hopefully talk to you soon!" And he said want to see you real soon.

What do I do... do I wait for him to contact me? Have I put too much effort already? I've never thought about a guy (not in the past few years) like this. He is such a catch and we have SOO much fun together. I need help! I never purse anything and I'm never pushy but with this guy.... something is giving me guts! Do I wait for him to contact me? Do I see if he wants to hang out besides at his house? I could see myself wanting to get to know this guy. Have I ruined it?

Sorry, but it sounds like you have been demoted to a booty call. If he were interested he would ask you on a proper date, be in contact and want to get to know you better.

DO NOT contact him. I DO NOT think he is interested in more than sex.

You haven't even gone on a date, and you have given away the goodies, twice. Honey, get to know people before having sex with them - this means proper dates. Expect more for yourself.

Yeah...You say you're not the casual type of girl, but in another sentence said in the last two years, you had an ongoing thing with two guys and it was just casual sex?

I don't think sleeping with him straight away, and then having it happen again the next time you see him (after he went silent for weeks) is making him see you the way you want him to.

He'll probably just see you as someone to fool around with now.

I get to know men.... this was out of my character as I stated. I hadn't hooked up with anyone in a LONG time, the mutual feelings were flowing and it happened. And I'm okay with that. I don't go out and have causal sex every weekend. I go months without Sex. I've only had a few partners.. But he is friends with some of my friends and I want to know if it can be saved. He knows I'm not a tramp. I know I'm not.

I know and I won't do it again. I've only been active with 4 men in my entire life and I don't plan on adding to my list. Both times beer was involved and the feelings were there. Can I turn it around?

He is not interested in more than sex. If he were, he would have made an effort to get to know you.

HE SEES YOU AS A BOOTY CALL! This is what his actions say.

Call me crazy but wasn't this exact same story posted a couple of months ago?

And he invited me and my girlfriends over to hang out. It wasn't a late night booty call. This was in the afternoon when he invited us over.

OMG!

If he were interested in YOU, he would have asked you on a date.

You were his afternoon booty call.

I don't know why your screaming.

I have no idea I am new to this page.

Because you don't seem to be getting it.

He wanted some and he got it I guess.

Next time, slow down.

If he were interested, he would be wanting to get to know, you.

It's just...Even the exclamation point usage is familiar... maybe I'm just on here too much...

OPer - I'd say you slept with him too soon if you wanted anything serious. Concidering how much you explained how 'you're not that kind of girl' I think you realize that. Now, unfortunately, you're overly invested. I don't have any advice to give, what's done is done.

Oh I definitely get it! The reason for my post is asking what to do next... I don't need people rewriting my story... I know what I did haha. Like I asked... is it possible that he needs time? He went through a divorce (a long time coming) and he had his son all summer. That was his top priority and I understand that. That's why he invited me and my friends over because his son was there. Why do guys go the extra mile and flirt and sweet talk AFTER they get "what they want"

The first time that I met him (a couple months ago) he had only been divorced for a few months, but he had to buy a new house so he is living alone, got his son for the summer so he turned into a single father for the whole summer, lost a sister, had a major surgery and now his son moved with his mother to another state since the summer is over. He has a TON going on. I'm not making excuses but I didn't think I'd hear from him. He isn't doing it to me on purpose. I truly don't think that.

Oh I definitely get it! The reason for my post is asking what to do next... I don't need people rewriting my story... I know what I did haha. Like I asked... is it possible that he needs time? He went through a divorce (a long time coming) and he had his son all summer. That was his top priority and I understand that. That's why he invited me and my friends over because his son was there. Why do guys go the extra mile and flirt and sweet talk AFTER they get "what they want"

Ok I found the poster I was referencing

.You two sound extremely familiar just flip son with daughter. Your titles and questions 'what's the next step' are even the same. Again, maybe I'm just on here too much, but yeah, very similar story (even the part about the guy divorcing) and unfortunately it didn't pan out for her if I remember correctly. Overinvesting tends to backfire. Sleeping with someone too soon will also give you a false sense of attachment which will cause you to cling to him and obsess or constantly 'think about him'. Again, I have no advice because I don't think you can change the direction things are going. I do wish you luck though.

Busy guys will make time for people they're into. It's a fact. You make time for someone if you like them or are interested enough. Even if it means you get less sleep.

He's just not interested.

An ex from many years ago, used to do full time uni with extra papers a semester, worked, had a business with a friend...And yet he wanted to see me everyday. And he did. I felt that was too much, but my point is-no one is too busy to msg someone back or to initiate a text or two.

Another ex was a general manager of a big multi million dollar company, and he called me everyday for like at least an hour or two. He also initiated and wanted to see me often. This man was very busy, and made time. A few times he was willing to forgo sleep to see me lol.

OP, he is not interested in you for more than sex. There is nothing you can do. I can't put it any plainer.

There's no way to "turn it around".

He sees you as a casual sex partner because you had casual sex with him. Twice. Without even going on a date first.

That's gotta be the same person, come on, it's crazy similar!! Hollar

 

 

Ok I found the poster I was referencing

.You two sound extremely familiar just flip son with daughter. Your titles and questions 'what's the next step' are even the same. Again, maybe I'm just on here too much, but yeah, very similar story (even the part about the guy divorcing) and unfortunately it didn't pan out for her if I remember correctly. Overinvesting tends to backfire. Sleeping with someone too soon will also give you a false sense of attachment which will cause you to cling to him and obsess or constantly 'think about him'. Again, I have no advice because I don't think you can change the direction things are going. I do wish you luck though.

Same person. Has to be.

Under review.