How do I tell my boyfriend I think I'm gay?

I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. I absolutely adore this man, I would never want to live without him in my life. I've always known I liked girls, my first crush was on a girl, this is my first relationship with a man but to be fair it's only my second serious relationship ever.

I've always identified as pansexual, but I've always had a preference for girls. Lately I've been questioning myself. I just miss being with girls, I planned my whole life thinking of growing up, marrying a girl, having kids with a girl ect. My boyfriend is insecure about my being pansexual. He doesn't like it. He said it took him ages to get over it but honestly I know he still isn't, which hurts because it's a part of who I am. He gets angry when I like a photo of a girl or compliment a girl. I'm not 100% sure I'm gay, and I don't know how to find out. If I tell him I know he won't even want to be friends, but I don't want to loose him, which I know is selfish. But I don't know if this is just me questioning things like I always do, and that I really do love him. Or if I'm really gay. I've always liked the term gay, I feel right saying I'm gay. but I'm just not certain. How do I know? and if I am, how do I tell him?

I was in your boyfriends situation before. I had a child with a bisexual woman although she was closer at this time and when we were together. I really respected when she told me she was seeing a girl after we broke up. Very hard to take of course but she is who she is and you are who you are. It's going to be a tough conversation but not telling him and you winding up in a relationship with a girl will humiliate him.

My boyfriend is insecure about my being pansexual. He doesn't like it. He said it took him ages to get over it but honestly I know he still isn't, which hurts because it's a part of who I am.

You need to end this relationship. He doesn't trust you. He doesn't feel that he is adaquately meeting your needs within the relationship. This is already spelling out disaster.

Unfortunately, being bi/pansexual can be a huge deal breaker for many couples because the other is going to be left wondering when their SO is going to get bored of the relationship and walk.

It doesn't seem like you have yourself figured out. I strongly suggest speaking to an LGBT support group or a therapist to help sort your problem. You also need to reflect on relationship goals, who to be with, etc. But at this time, you are doing a disservice to yourself and your boyfriend if you are already thinking about trying a homosexual relationship with another person.

How do I know? and if I am, how do I tell him?

I'm bisexual and married. The only secret I have kept from my husband is my sexual preference. Some people, whom I know and told, say that I'm making a big mistake by not being honest. What they don't understand is that my sexuality has put me in a catch-22 position. If I tell him, I run the risk of him perceiving me as a cheater, someone who's up for an orgy (which destroys solid committed relationships), or he leaves the marriage because of the insecurity that he isn't doing enough to please me. From my experience, most men WANT to feel they are the ultimate source of pleasuring their woman, and take it VERY personal when they feel they aren't.

Unfortunately bisexual people carry a high negative stigma that society has deemed us incapable of being in a monogamous relationship. Its BS and I know plenty of other bisexual people - including on this forum - who are in healthy monagomous relationships. I already knew that I wanted a monogamous relationship, but took my time getting to know myself first before I committed myself to someone (and how long it takes is different for everyone). I found out my personality gels better with men than with women even though I am attracted to both genders, but have made my peace of seeking a monagomous heterosexual relationship.

Personally I wouldn't tell him unless you are prepared to walk out of the relationship. But you definitely need to have your sexuality figured out before committing yourself to a relationship with someone. Wanting to experiment while dating ends commitment. But your identity, self respect, and knowing what YOU want to make yourself happy should come before a relationship.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. I absolutely adore this man, I would never want to live without him in my life. I've always known I liked girls, my first crush was on a girl, this is my first relationship with a man but to be fair it's only my second serious relationship ever.

 

I've always identified as pansexual, but I've always had a preference for girls. Lately I've been questioning myself. I just miss being with girls, I planned my whole life thinking of growing up, marrying a girl, having kids with a girl ect. My boyfriend is insecure about my being pansexual. He doesn't like it. He said it took him ages to get over it but honestly I know he still isn't, which hurts because it's a part of who I am. He gets angry when I like a photo of a girl or compliment a girl. I'm not 100% sure I'm gay, and I don't know how to find out. If I tell him I know he won't even want to be friends, but I don't want to loose him, which I know is selfish. But I don't know if this is just me questioning things like I always do, and that I really do love him. Or if I'm really gay. I've always liked the term gay, I feel right saying I'm gay. but I'm just not certain. How do I know? and if I am, how do I tell him?

Just don't cheat on him. Don't stick around in this and experiment to figure out your sexuality. That is something you should have done before you agreed to exclusivity/commitment.

I agree with Snny that you would do well to go to a LBGT forum for support and advice.

To be fair - your boyfriend has every right to be insecure. He's insecure about you leaving him for a girl, which is what you want to do. That tells me that you've probably thrown out signs (subtle or otherwise) that you prefer girls.

Let the poor guy go and do it gently.

I'd consider it an unnecessary conversation. I'd decide whether or not I want to stay in my relationship. If so, I'd keep my mouth shut, and if not, I'd tell BF that the relationship isn't working for me and I want out.

Those would be my two options. I'd consider anything beyond them a misuse of BF as my therapist, and I could pay someone else for that job.