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Hard forgiving people who gave birth to me


Burningstar

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Hi there, I'm 22 years old I have been going through a lot. I don't know where to start at all since I'm writing this.

 

When I was growing up I diagnosed at a young age with autism and dyslexia and people thought they would catch my disability so they would mistreat me.

My mother blamed my father for why I was messed up and I would over hear them arguing about me and I just wanted to borrow away my pain.

 

Few years go by my mother told my father to take care of my sister and me because she said my father was not a good father to them and he was abusive which I know this was not true.

My half sibling stole from my parents, my sister, and me and would blame it on my father. They stole everything we nearly owned but my mother didn't want to believe it when my half sibling told her that herself. It kept getting worse to the point my step sibling got kicked out of high school and went to jail multiply times. My mom would be angry with my father because he refused to help my mother so my mother started saying my sister and I were bad children when we disagree with her opinions. She would threaten to beat us for no reason and tell my father she would do it.

 

When I turned 16yrs old I got to meet my half sister on my father's side who lived in a different state. She listened to my problems I told her I didn't fit in at home because people would hurt me even my father and it felt liked no one loved me at all. She told me it couldn't be that bad and I told her I was not making it up at all but she should see for herself.

I ended up going to visit my sister years later going shopping with her and my parents and I sat down in a chair because my feet was hurting me from walking around the mall. And I started playing on my phone taking pictures of the clothes around me and my mom started attacking for no reason. My half sister and father looked at my mother like what's wrong with her and my half sister ended up walking me out of the store and was like I'm sorry I didn't believe you. My mother attacked me more than once even when I was in front of my half sister, father, and her eldest daughter and no one could understand why. My sister called me later was like I'm disappointed in father not defending you and he told me your mother was nice religious woman. On our last day spending time with my step sister we went out to eat my sister made a comment what if your daughter was gay would you love her? My mother replied, No she would just beat me since it goes against god. My step sister was disgusted by her remark and looked at my father and me.

 

 

The drama gets worse. My mother started being more aggressive telling me how f up in the head I am just like my father. She told me in the car that's why you're children are retarded just like you. I said to her all my life I have nothing but respectful to you but all you have is disrespect me over and over again but when it comes to my step sibling you praise them. You told me how much you don't like me and my sisters. Later on my father told me he wish he could get ride of me because what I said. I told my father you let my mother say awful things about your own children and about yourself that can hurt you like she goes around telling her friends my father is a molester, broke because he's on disability, old man because he is nearly 70, and a loser because he doesn't buy her diamond rings monthly. You say she's not a bad woman yet you defend someone who says that.

 

Now I'm 22yrs old, I go to college and work part time but nothing I do is good enough for them and they are always saying things to me and they never say sorry. I haven't ever been told sorry by none of my parents because they say my age is the issue. When I tell my parents what they did my father can at least admit he was wrong but my mother would be like well you're a child and I will hit you. I told my father i just feel like I don't love you or mom and he tells me it's between me and god. I told him I don't believe in god because she uses god to justify her actions to hurt me and others.

 

Even if i try to confort my mother she will threaten to hit me and I just want to know how can I put this hate behind me. Sorry for the long story

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm sorry for what has happened to you. I may sound too pragmatic .

But the relationship with your parents is unhealthy and dysfunctional. Please seek an advisor and see him regularly aka weekly.

You need to build your future by getting an education , working and gaining more and more confidence.

 

 

Are you still abused ? Where do you live ? Are you safe ?

 

Have a little hope. And a little faith.

I wish you the best love.,

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