How can I get someone off of my mind?

I started a new position about 6 months ago and there is this guy that I used to see from a distance and thought he was attractive but then when I saw him from a closer view, I noticed that he was wearing a wedding ring, so I stopped thinking of him completely; but then he would always keep looking and smiling to me for no reason like if he is always watching me, he would also keep acting funny/cool, gets nervous when I am around, and so I started to like him a little but I don't flirt with him or try to talk to him because I know he is married. A few weeks ago, I was in my lunch break alone and he came and said that we never "officially" met and introduced himself and kept talking to me about my hobbies, etc, and while he was talking to me, he mentioned his kids out of nowhere and i felt like he meant to mention them. I got really nervous when he talked to me, and I usually get nervous when he's around so I think he may know that I kinda like him because of that. When he mentioned his kids, I thought he was trying to tell me that he is not interested, so I didn't try to talk to him again or anything but he continues the staring, etc.. then yesterday, he brought his wife and kids to work and walked so happily with them in front of me. To be honest, I am hurt and I know that I should have never let myself feel attracted to a married man and I did try to resist it but his behaviors made me like him and now I don't know how I can get him off of my mind since I see him everyday. Could you please let me know how I can stop paying attention to him and thinking of him? I have been lonely for so long and I haven't been meeting any guys since I graduated college.

You should have no problem at all getting over your crush. All you have to do is keep reminding yourself that he is married with children and totally OFF LIMITS to you. You might want to join an online dating site or a meet up site so that you get out of your own head and start focusing on men that are actually showing you in real, tangible ways that they like you. In the above scenario there is absolutely no reason that I can see why you should think that he likes you for more then anything other then a work colleague. You might also sit yourself down and figure out why you would be hurt that he brought is family to his work place. That has nothing to do with you but rather is about him and his family and how proud he is of them (apparently).

You'll be fine... get out there and do things that will introduce you to men who are single and looking and women that you can become friends with.

Have you tried online dating? Get yourself out there.

Yes, I did try online dating and ended up meeting creeps that said nasty things to me online. My mom and my bestfriend told me to never go on those dating apps again. Should I listen to them or should I try again?

What apps were you using?

Have you tried Meet ups?

I know he is married.

This would be all I'd need to know to flick my OFF switch. Otherwise, you stoke your crush on the guy, he pays attention to you, and then what? You get a front row seat to his disloyalty to his wife and family, which means that even if you ever 'win' an affair or even his divorce, you'll enjoy that for about 30 seconds before it occurs to you that the guy is a disloyal snake who'll only demo the same behavior toward you at some point when your back it turned.

I'd skip that. I'd also value my rep on the job enough to avoid flirting with anyone--if you ever want your work and your judgment to be taken seriously.

Think.

Online dating is a tool that gives you more options, but it's far from perfect, the creeps online are the same ones out in public, the difference is online they can show their true colors because they are somewhat anonymous. I found that the pay sites like eharmony and match were better because there seemed to be more legitimate, honest, real people, but this is from a male perspective, I realize women are the ones that get the creeps.

Dating is work, online dating isn't an exception, it's a means to end that can payoff big.

This would be all I'd need to know to flick my OFF switch. Otherwise, you stoke your crush on the guy, he pays attention to you, and then what? You get a front row seat to his disloyalty to his wife and family, which means that even if you ever 'win' an affair or even his divorce, you'll enjoy that for about 30 seconds before it occurs to you that the guy is a disloyal snake who'll only demo the same behavior toward you at some point when your back it turned.

 

I'd skip that. I'd also value my rep on the job enough to avoid flirting with anyone--if you ever want your work and your judgment to be taken seriously.

 

Think.

Thank you for your response! I really don't think he is a disloyal snake.. he loves his kids and he is really nice to everyone. If he was bad, he wouldn't have brought his family with him to work and walked proudly with them in front of everyone. It is possible that he just picked up on my attraction towards him and likes feeling admired. He is very successful in his job and he's much older than me (15 yrs older) and he seems like a really good person.. this is why it's hard to not like him despite knowing that nothing will ever happen, but I think it's also because I am lonely, once I find someone, I know I will be able to get him off of my head.

Online dating is a tool that gives you more options, but it's far from perfect, the creeps online are the same ones out in public, the difference is online they can show their true colors because they are somewhat anonymous. I found that the pay sites like eharmony and match were better because there seemed to be more legitimate, honest, real people, but this is from a male perspective, I realize women are the ones that get the creeps.

 

Dating is work, online dating isn't an exception, it's a means to end that can payoff big.

Thank you for your response! I agree with you that the creeps online are probably the same ones out in public. I think I will give it another try and will use the apps that you need to pay for. It seems like this is my only option at this point.

im gonna be completely honest. its takes time and its hard but you'll get through it.

hang out with your friends. treat yourself. listen to sad songs. ugly cry.

honestly getting over a crush is the worst because you don't have that title of relationship.

but you will get through it xx

Thank you for your response! I really don't think he is a disloyal snake..

You're missing the point on purpose. It's not that he IS a disloyal snake, but rather that if he were to fulfill your fantasies, he couldn't avoid becoming one.

So skip that, and avoid using your intelligence against yourself by moving your focus where it belongs--on your work, and then onto building the kind of social, study and dating life outside of work that is immune to inappropriate self indulgence on your job.

Head high, we've all been there. The goal is to live and learn while navigating in ways that don't set you up for worst case outcomes.

Kick him out of your head. Meaning, when you find yourself thinking of him, speak to him in your imagination, telling him to leave you alone. Then imagine your inner coach, angels, spirit guide, future self (whatever feels right) talking to you, cheering you on, sending you love. Fantasizing about him is your imagination working against you, getting you into an emotional pretzel, so kick him out and use your imagination to benefit you.