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Thread: 5 weeks Pregnant by a married man

  1. #1

    5 weeks Pregnant by a married man

    Okay so before I start my story if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all.
    I'm 22 and I found out a week ago that I'm pregnant, I haven't had a scan yet but I've worked out I'm roughly 5 weeks pregnant. A year ago very soon after coming out of a 4 year relationship I met a 26 year old guy through work and we started seeing each other, let's call him Joey. Everything was wonderful in the beginning, we have a great chemistry however I knew from the start that I didn't want anything too serious too soon since I had just come out of a relationship and I'm someone who guards her heart, Joey understood this so we agreed to go with the flow. A couple months into the courtship Joey had told me he had strong feelings for me, I wasn't feeling the same but I liked his company so I decided to stop being so uptight with my emotions, I eventually grew closer to him and my feelings developed too . After over hearing a conversation through another colleague I then discovered he had been lying to me all along and whilst we were dating he got married when his long term gf was heavily pregnant. After confronting him he admitted the truth and I was disgusted but already in too deep. For weeks on end he begged me to not leave him, to stay by his side. He told me he had to marry her because of the pregnancy and her Christian parents would not have it no other way. The stupid girl I am slowly let him back into my life and continued seeing him but my views towards him changed since then and I made the conscious choice to live my life, I'll meet someone great and forget all about him and his double life.

    Fast forward another 6/7months we began working closer at work, I tried my hardest to stay away from him but working with him 5 days a week was too difficult. I tried to find a new job but then I realised He should be the one finding a new job, why should I leave? On the odd occasion our love affair continued and I hated myself for being so stupid. One day I picked up the courage to leave for good, he told me he's fallen in love me and wanted me to wait a year for us to be together. I told him a man will never leave his wife and I don't want someone else's husband. I also told him he should only leave his marriage for the sake of his own happiness not because he wants to run off with another woman. He tried to convince me that's what he'll do if I just waited for him and I couldn't believe a word of it, to me it was all bull so I finally plucked up the courage to stop seeing him, I told him how I really felt about him and how me and his wife deserve better, I went on a few dates to get myself out there and I was starting to have a great time being completely free of him. My harsh words even pushed him to hand in his notice at work and he left

    2 weeks after he left the job and almost a month since I had been a free, new woman I discovered I was pregnant by Joey and I was using contraception. I got in contact with him and he asked me what I wanted to do, that whether I keep it or not he will support me either way. I had already decided from the moment I found out that I had to abort this baby. Anyway 3 weeks on I'm now almost 6 weeks pregnant with a consultation booked in for the abortion next week. I don't want this baby because of the situation I'm in but I also don't want an abortion and adoption is a compete no. I'm not sure if I'm having second thoughts but I don't want a baby by a married man, I've just come back in contact with my ex who I still love very much and I don't love Joey. My parents have no idea I was even dating anyone, all my friends have been convinced I was single and financially I probably couldn't afford a baby so there's no way I can keep it. I'd be so ashamed but I can't help but wonder what could be, I'm amazed that the female body can grow something so wonderful and I wish things were different so I could at least have the option to keep the baby, I know I'd be a fantastic mother but I feel this isn't the right time. I also wonder if this will be the only chance I get I am petrified for this abortion. I told Joey about how I'm feeling and how I feel an abortion is the only choice I have and he said there's always a choice.

    I know people will judge and I know how foolish I was for even continuing the relationship with Joey. I tried to do the good thing in the end and I never wanted to take Joey from his wife and child. I just need some advice? Has anyone been a similar situation? For the me the most perfect resolution would be to move hundreds of miles away where no one knows me, where I can bring the baby up alone and forget all the mess.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Good rule of thumb: no sex unless you could handle pregnancy.

    In my opinion, having this baby would make for a very uncomfortable life for you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
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    I don't recommend abortion for you. I know plenty of women that raised a kid alone and still managed to live their dreams. Actually the birth of their kid motivated them to change their life for the better.

    You will regret it since your not 100% on board with the decision.

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Why is adoption a complete no?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Can I ask you why you told 'Joey' you were pregnant if your intention was to abort? He didn't need to be any the wiser about the pregnancy or your choice. I think if you were going to keep the baby then it would be proper to let him know. Same for if you were going to put it up for adoption... then yes, give him the option to adopt if you don't want to raise him/her. Do you have family that will offer emotional and tangible support as you raise your child?

    Anyway; If you're going to keep the baby, make sure he pays you child support. I recommend you go through with your original plan because you're not emotionally or financially prepared to be a mother at this point in your life. Take advantage of the resources you will be educated about (therapy) so that you don't fall into depression about your choice (whether you abort or you don't as you will benefit from the support).

    You say you were using contraception... Does that mean you were taking the pill and Joey was wearing a rubber?

  7. #6
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    I know more than a handful of people who've been in this situation, where they got an abortion based on the fact their guy at the time was cheating on them, or they were not the right guy at all, and you know what, including me, we are happily married with our own kids years later.

    I don't know what kind of advice you need, but you need to do what is right for you. As much as people will say keep it, none of them are giving you money or volunteering to babysit while you work each day or when you need to go out. None of them are giving you money for their college fund or savings, or paying your rent to put a roof over your head.

    But, this statement does makes me question, "the most perfect resolution would be to move hundreds of miles away where no one knows me, where I can bring the baby up alone and forget all the mess."

    Do you want to keep it?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member thealchemist's Avatar
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    Honestly abortion would make for a much easier life at the moment. But it sounds like even with you repeating you want an abortion you still aren't sure.

    Raising a kid is hard. Very hard. That is with two dedicated parents. Solo is even worse.

    Although if you are so hesitant to get abortion you could potentially feel a lot of guilt.

    No one can tell you what you truly feel.

    If you do keep it then you definitely should collect what the father owes your child. Child support isn't an option, it is a must. Don't take no for an answer here and get a lawyer if you need to.

  9. #8
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    I don't want this baby because of the situation I'm in but I also don't want an abortion and adoption is a compete no.

    Why is adoption a complete no if abortion is also a complete no?

    Why not also go to a consultation with an adoption agency as well?

    I know several couples that have been waiting years to be matched up to adopt an infant or young child, just by the way. not that it is any bearing, but its not the end of the world to adopt your child into a family.

  10. #9
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    I have no idea why people think it's so easy to carry a baby for nine months, then push it out, and then just give it away to someone you barely know. When it comes to being pregnant and carrying to term, you have maternity expenses to consider with doctor's, prenatal care, maternity clothes, birthing classes, blood work, sonograms, ultrasounds, and at least going to about 20 different appointments. Plus having a baby in the United States, I know can range anywhere from $10,000 to $30,000 depending on what happens to you, and more if anything does happen out of the ordinary. Even if you do only have a co-payment, your reimbursement rate may need you to cover remaining expenses, in-network versus out-of-network.

    Then there's labor which could be anywhere from 1 hour to 5 days. With my first kid I was in labor for 66 hours. And after you push them out, you are in so much pain for weeks in your nether regions that climbing steps are going down even one step, or even getting into your car is pitiful to watch and tragic to feel. With a C section? You don't get the feeling back for years in that area. And it hurts so much while healing.

    And let's say, you have parents to adopt, your body is changed forever, even your DNA. Your hips. Your feet grow bigger, and don't go back.

    Don't get me wrong, people who do go through the adoption root are completely altruistic even if they're compensated, but I don't think we should shame anyone who decides to not want to carry a baby to term just too give a baby up for adoption.

    I'm not trying to scare anyone. My kids are my pride and joy, but the time was rigjt for me along with my relationship and finances.

  11. #10
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    I forgot to mention the nausea which you can have the whole nine months. The endless need to pee several times per hour, the gas, heart burn, weight gain, swollen legs and feet, sore breasts, that even if you don't nurse can taje months to a year to dry up.

    Having a baby is involved.

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