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Married man drama !


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So I met this guy through work and he is really handsome and amazing . Ok maybe not so amazing anymore . I noticed that he had a ring on his finger and honestly I thought he was off limits . Long story short one day the ring came out and he told me that the wife was cheating and he was getting separated has been looking for a flat . Asked me for advice like which areas to look . We ended up going for a drink and I don't know what was I thinking , but I kissed him . The alcohol the amazing connection was overpowering me . I told him after this that I couldn't be some mistress and side woman . We kept talking , but just normal chat at the same time I kept falling deeper and deeper . Then he told me that he was in love with me and we went out again and this time he kissed me . I started crying and told him that we should not see each other or talk to each other . A string of emails followed and he told me that I was making him so happy blah blah . I kept insisting he goes and talks to his wife since he has 3 children and I rather not be some home wrecker . The crazy messages continued and I told him that this is not fair , that I want to be with him and that I'm hurt . The same night he told me to forget about him and enjoy my evening , then I just lost it I had a tantrum at him telling him how dare he complains about his wife and wants my attention , that he is selfish bastard . I told him that I never want to see his f***** face and I'm not some doormat . We mainly spoke on LinkedIn and work email and I asked him to block me and that he really didn't care about me . I called him a bas***d Ok I was very emotional . I feel like he is my soulmate and we didn't do anything physical just a kiss I still got to know him and found out we had the same dreams , same interests . Today he got back to me and told me that he is going back to his family and he wants to give it a go . Funnily yesterday his marriage was so over and she was so manipulative and using the kids against him , but now it's all good . He did blocked me as I asked him . I'm currently in 1000 pieces . I had an anxiety attack last night and I've been sobbing for hours . I couldn't even go to work today since I felt so stressed . I'm so mad at my self . Letting him using me emotionally . I really wish now she leaves him and gets together with her lover. How do I move on ? I'm so broken hearted ? Thanks

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I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I don't feel bad for you. You did this to yourself. You knew he was married. Most married men will do exactly what you described, take a woman out, add in alcohol, will tell you bs about the wife, try to make you feel sorry for him. It is all very textbook.

He wanted a side piece but never intended on leaving his wife, that's clear. No doubt he loves his wife and children very much, he just wanted a bit of fun on the side. That shows what a disgrace of a man he is.

But you knew, you're no dummy. You followed along and were becoming a home wrecker. I feel sorry for this man's wife, that's who I feel sorry for.

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You think a cheating liar is your soulmate? Good grief. You don't expect much for yourself.

 

You don't really believe that he loves you? He was only trying to get into your pants.

 

Use better judgement, next time. Stay away from married men.

 

He didn't use you! You are of equal blame!

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I think you need to get over yourself a little. As Serry has said, you walked into this knowing full well what you were doing. That you knew you shouldn't just makes it worse.

 

that you think this man is your soulmate just really describes how desperate you are to feel a connection with him. When we are interested in someone, everything often seems to be in line. 'Oh my god, you wear shoes too?' Of all the girls that I have even half fallen in love with in my long life, at some point I could have sworn they were my soulmate. But what even is that? Only one other person in the world that is so perfect for me that we just melt into each other and become one? And that in a planetry population of nearly 8 billion, this one person just happens to live near you?

 

And to be honest, is your soulmate a cheating sociopath who seemed keen on getting himself a bit of extra fluff on the side?

 

So what to do from here? Block him wherever you had contact for him, go out and meet someone that doesn't wear a ring and forget all about this guy.

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I was in the middle of writing the first response here, but then my phone rang, and everyone else said exactly what I was going to say!

 

I'll add one more thing:

You should not be asking him to block you. Rather, you should block him. From everything, including your view as you walk down the hallway at work. Literally. Walk the other way.

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I'm not desperate, Jesus you are so jusgemental people . If I was desperate I would have been in affair with him and right I have told him to leave me alone . I'm just annoyed at my self and hurt . Sometimes you can't help who you fall for .

 

I beg to differ. You knew he was still married as he had only just taken the ring off so you chose to fall for him, it was no accident. Had you backed off instead of continuing to talk to him and bond, you'd not give a flying you-know-what if he went back to his wife or not.

 

You CHOSE to fall for him and yes, you could have helped not to have.

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I'm not desperate, Jesus you are so jusgemental people . If I was desperate I would have been in affair with him and right I have told him to leave me alone . I'm just annoyed at my self and hurt . Sometimes you can't help who you fall for .

 

That a bunch of crap! You chose to engage .

 

You are no victim!

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I can honestly say, I have never fooled around with a married man.

 

I would also address your low self esteem issues. If you had more self worth, you would not have strayed down this path.

 

Did you ever factor in the wife or kids, and how they would feel?

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News flash, you WERE in an affair with a married man. You kissed him. Just because he didn't put his penis inside you doesn't mean you didn't have sexual contact with this married man.

 

Yeah, other people have done "bad" things. That doesn't make deliberately engaging with a married man NOT "bad".

 

Best thing to do? Stay far, far away from him and block all means of contact. On work email, make it clear you will discuss work and nothing else.

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i was not in an affair . Why do I even bother asking ?

 

Of course I've cut contact . I just wanted to see if someone was in a similar situation. How they dealt with it ?

You really don't know the circumstances and it's easy to judge by the few paragraphs . His wife is far from a saint . So yes ... anyway

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i was not in an affair . Why do I even bother asking ?

 

Of course I've cut contact . I just wanted to see if someone was in a similar situation. How they dealt with it ?

You really don't know the circumstances and it's easy to judge by the few paragraphs . His wife is far from a saint . So yes ... anyway

What his wife is is inconsequential. She could be a serial killer psychopath. He could be a saint. Doesn't change the fact that you had amorous intentions while interacting with a married man.

 

And lack of sex doesn't mean it wasn't an affair. If my wife kissed a guy and had an emotional romantic connection there is no doubt I would consider it an affair.

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i was not in an affair . Why do I even bother asking ?

 

Of course I've cut contact . I just wanted to see if someone was in a similar situation. How they dealt with it ?

You really don't know the circumstances and it's easy to judge by the few paragraphs . His wife is far from a saint . So yes ... anyway

 

You two kissed on more than one occasion and you told him you wanted to be with him.

 

That is an affair. It's called an "emotional affair" but you took it to the physical level when you two kissed on more than one occasion.

 

I will say you did the right thing by pulling back and refusing to proceed. But you probably won't get anyone feeling sorry for you that he refuses to leave his wife for you, or that you got "hurt" while engaging with a married man. It was inevitable.

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It is also terrible that you are trashing the wife. You are going by what he said. Do you really think that this clown would tell you that she is a kind and decent woman.

 

Don't be so foolish and selfish. And, try to locate your self worth, because if you had any, you wouldn't have gotten yourself mixed up in this. Put yourself in other people's shoes.

 

You were having an affair with a married man!

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First of all we were friends. Second of all his wife knew about me . She is cheating on him . When me and him went on our "date " she knew . I have self respect. They just both decided to work out for the kids and yes I'm upset , but I really don't need such a vile behaviour from some of you . I'm going to stop reading this . I'm not pretending to be a victim. I don't want sympathy, I just wanted some advice on how to move on and heal . This has made me 3 times angrier now . Thanks

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Listen, you got caught up in his drama. There's nothing you can do about it now except block him from your life. This experience will teach you what to look out for in the future.

 

Don't forget, you don't know whether he is telling the truth about his wife being a bad person. And it wouldn't justify his (or your) behavior even if she was one. Many men lie about this to justify their own bad behavior to themselves and the woman they want to lay.

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Why was his "marriage so over" one day and he said he was going back to his wife to the next? He wanted to get you in bed - he didn't but he kissed you - and that is why he told you his marriage was so over. Once he got to fool around with you he decided that he didn't want to break up his family. And now you are sobbing for hours on losing a man that you could not have to begin with. A woman with good self esteem would not have given the married man the time of day or if she did because she decided that's what she wanted to do regardless of her scruples, she would not be crying over him. She would be saying NEXT

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I truly am sorry that your heart hurts for whatever reasons. I know the feeling but I also have to agree with everyone else here. Sometimes we put ourselves in situations for a reason. I think you should not blame him but take a long look at yourself and find out what you were really looking for and why you were willing to pay the price you did. He should do the same. You aren't responsible for him or his choices but you are for yourself. Figure it out or you will just keep repeating the cycle and it may not end as mild as this has. Learn from it and be a better person. Don't blame him. It's always easier to hate and blame making it someone else's fault or problem. Take care of yourself and value what you have to offer. Polish your diamonds and stop throwing them in the dirt.

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