I'm afraid of being alone. Will love ever find me?

I'm so afraid that I will never find love or it won't find me and I'll end up alone. I'm 38 years old and I feel like time is running to have kids. I'm on dating apps and I match but it never goes anywhere. Is there something wrong with me? Do guys not like nice girls? I work in a hospital with a lot of guys and nothing. I'm At a loss because I don't know how to turn this around. Is there something I need to change about myself? I know love finds you when you least expect it but I'm starting to loose hope on that. Please tell me what I can do?

Ok...no one has Any words of wisdom for me?

When it's time it'll happen. First thing I can tell you from personal experience is quit looking. Happens to me every time, I get single, get good and used to it, enjoying myself huntin, fishin, working straight time, spending time with my son and dog, just enjoying life, then bam out of no where some ol girl comes up and says hey I'm going to be your ol lady like it or not. Never have found one while actively looking for one

I'm in the same boat but I'm trying to just be at peace and enjoy my nice comfortable life. Easier for me to say since I'm ok with not having kids, I know. You can't force love to come to you, so just focus on enjoying other things, while putting yourself out there and staying positive. Don't settle when you do meet someone, make sure you interview him for the job and not the other way around. Guys like that challenge anyway, and you should be picky for your own good. I know it's disheartening now and we all want that fulfillment. But all you have control over is yourself and your attitude, and how you live your life. Try reading relationship books so you're ready if you do meet someone. If this helps, I know two women about this same age that finally fell in love and got married after years and years of searching.

When you say your matches never go anywhere, what does that mean?

If you're trying to get to 'know' someone online before dating, that's the long road and the hard way. Most people aren't interested in too much messaging with strangers. Instead, consider using the app to screen for basic compatibility and set up many quick coffee meets to check one another out. Meets may last maybe 15 to 20 minutes, neither may ask the other for a real date on the spot, but either can contact the other afterward for a real date. If the answer is yes, the other responds, but if not, then no response is necessary.

Understand that most people are NOT our match. If you don't grasp that going in, you'll wear yourself down with negativity, and dating requires resilience. Each rejection is a reflection of another's limited vision rather than of any deficiency in you. We all carry a unique lens, and finding true simpatico is a needle in the haystack for everyone. However, urgency can squelch potential matches, so I'd do whatever it takes, including counseling, to manage your perceptions of singlehood and ward off desperation, because you can't 'hide' that--it comes out sideways and can drive away anyone who won't position himself in a pressure cooker.

We're all looking for the right match, not just any match. As with friendships, the right 'click' is rare. With love it's especially rare, but this doesn't mean that anything is 'wrong'. Think of singles as walking around with a puzzle piece that won't fit with everyone else's, and then you can understand why that's nobody's 'fault,' and each mismatch simply increases your odds of stumbling across the right match as you screen out the wrong ones.

Allow wrong matches to pass early as you move your focus onto other quick meets. Don't ruminate and drill yourself into self pity, or you'll just create the kind of desperate vibe that will self-fulfil the prophesy you create. Skip that, and learn the skill of resilience while accepting that the right man for you won't recognize you if you're covered over with a cloud of insecurity.

Head high, you can do this.

When you say your matches never go anywhere, what does that mean?

 

If you're trying to get to 'know' someone online before dating, that's the long road and the hard way. Most people aren't interested in too much messaging with strangers. Instead, consider using the app to screen for basic compatibility and set up many quick coffee meets to check one another out. Meets may last maybe 15 to 20 minutes, neither may ask the other for a real date on the spot, but either can contact the other afterward for a real date. If the answer is yes, the other responds, but if not, then no response is necessary.

 

Understand that most people are NOT our match. If you don't grasp that going in, you'll wear yourself down with negativity, and dating requires resilience. Each rejection is a reflection of another's limited vision rather than of any deficiency in you. We all carry a unique lens, and finding true simpatico is a needle in the haystack for everyone. However, urgency can squelch potential matches, so I'd do whatever it takes, including counseling, to manage your perceptions of singlehood and ward off desperation, because you can't 'hide' that--it comes out sideways and can drive away anyone who won't position himself in a pressure cooker.

 

We're all looking for the right match, not just any match. As with friendships, the right 'click' is rare. With love it's especially rare, but this doesn't mean that anything is 'wrong'. Think of singles as walking around with a puzzle piece that won't fit with everyone else's, and then you can understand why that's nobody's 'fault,' and each mismatch simply increases your odds of stumbling across the right match as you screen out the wrong ones.

 

Allow wrong matches to pass early as you move your focus onto other quick meets. Don't ruminate and drill yourself into self pity, or you'll just create the kind of desperate vibe that will self-fulfil the prophesy you create. Skip that, and learn the skill of resilience while accepting that the right man for you won't recognize you if you're covered over with a cloud of insecurity.

 

Head high, you can do this.

I agree. And forget about "least expect it" if you're 38 and want the opportunity to try to have a biological child. Also forget about "nice girl". Be a person - a woman - who is kind, thoughtful and reasonably confident and strong. Make finding a husband a part time job and that includes getting rid of any impression of desperation or telling yourself to settle or that "love will find me". I started dating my husband just before my 39th birthday.

When you say your matches never go anywhere, what does that mean?

 

If you're trying to get to 'know' someone online before dating, that's the long road and the hard way. Most people aren't interested in too much messaging with strangers. Instead, consider using the app to screen for basic compatibility and set up many quick coffee meets to check one another out. Meets may last maybe 15 to 20 minutes, neither may ask the other for a real date on the spot, but either can contact the other afterward for a real date. If the answer is yes, the other responds, but if not, then no response is necessary.

 

Understand that most people are NOT our match. If you don't grasp that going in, you'll wear yourself down with negativity, and dating requires resilience. Each rejection is a reflection of another's limited vision rather than of any deficiency in you. We all carry a unique lens, and finding true simpatico is a needle in the haystack for everyone. However, urgency can squelch potential matches, so I'd do whatever it takes, including counseling, to manage your perceptions of singlehood and ward off desperation, because you can't 'hide' that--it comes out sideways and can drive away anyone who won't position himself in a pressure cooker.

 

We're all looking for the right match, not just any match. As with friendships, the right 'click' is rare. With love it's especially rare, but this doesn't mean that anything is 'wrong'. Think of singles as walking around with a puzzle piece that won't fit with everyone else's, and then you can understand why that's nobody's 'fault,' and each mismatch simply increases your odds of stumbling across the right match as you screen out the wrong ones.

 

Allow wrong matches to pass early as you move your focus onto other quick meets. Don't ruminate and drill yourself into self pity, or you'll just create the kind of desperate vibe that will self-fulfil the prophesy you create. Skip that, and learn the skill of resilience while accepting that the right man for you won't recognize you if you're covered over with a cloud of insecurity.

 

Head high, you can do this.

Thanks all for the advice. I haven't been able to get back on here till now. What I meant by the matches don't go anywhere is because I will match with someone and We will talk for like 3 days and just out of the blue they will just disappear or they say anything at all after we match.

Thanks all for the advice. I haven't been able to get back on here till now. What I meant by the matches don't go anywhere is because I will match with someone and We will talk for like 3 days and just out of the blue they will just disappear or they say anything at all after we match.

I wouldn't talk to strangers for 3 days. Exchange one or two emails, make sure there is a phone number available where one of you can call the other -whatever you're comfortable with -have a phone call of about 20 minutes mostly to answer whether you think he sounds reasonably safe to meet in person and whether you think you'd have enough to talk about for about 45 minutes over coffee or something non-alcoholic. Then make a plan to meet. The people who are legitimately interested in dating with a view towards a serious relationship will want to meet in person ASAP to see if you two should go on a real date in the future. I met over 100 men in person through on line dating sites and more through written personal ads back then.

I'm a surly bastard and i never thought I could find a match but I did. I would really recommend to never "be" anything. Just be yourself.

Not try be rude here but if you have any flaws that you know of I would try to work on them, more for yourself that for a future guy. But what I see is that when a person improves what they think their weaknesses are they have the confidence to do much better in a relationship.

Thanks all for the advice. I haven't been able to get back on here till now. What I meant by the matches don't go anywhere is because I will match with someone and We will talk for like 3 days and just out of the blue they will just disappear or they say anything at all after we match.

Sounds as though they're moving on to more proactive people. Internet dating doesn't recognize old fashioned notions of sitting around until you've been asked to dance. People go into this to MEET, not to play pen pals.

Don't try to 'develop' anything online, simply offer to meet for a quick cup to check one another out. Skip long distance fantasy-building, keep your range local, and set up as many quick meets as you can handle betwween rest periods. Expect to be stood up now and then. Expect nothing more than to screen people in person as though you were at a speed-dating event, which means that the majority of people either won't pick you or you won't pick them. That's normal.

OLD can teach you resilience, patience and an appreciation for unique qualities that are fascinating to meet but don't make for synergy. It will teach you how to become a better date, because you'll grow skilled at observation and enjoyment of 'the moment' rather than projecting stuff onto every guy who will spend time with you.

Consider reading the most current edition of Dr. Joy Browne's 'Dating for Dummies'. She teaches how to relax and view dating as experimental and playful as you build a mature confidence. Lots of people put off marriage and families until later years these days, so don't project old fashioned notions or behaviors onto the process. Learn how to unwind and roll with it, and trust that your patience will be rewarded.

I think it takes time.

I've met a couple of women that let their desperation show. One can never keep a man and the other married one 4-6 mos. later without really knowing him. I met my ex-beau in my early twenties but now I'm heading into my late twenties trying to avoid any further mistakes. I don't know what you're looking for exactly but that could be a potential reason why things don't workout. The girl that can't keep a man prefers her men to look like a specific ex she had been with for 10 years so this doesn't allow her to be openminded and does't allow her to set certain standards in men which is why she'll fall short each time.