Regretting move, fiancé emotionally abusive

Hello everyone, I am posting this in hopes to get an unbiased answer from people. Okay so I have 2 kids from a previous relationship (11 & 9) and I also have a 3 year old with my now fiancé. My kids & I have always lived in Kansas around my parents & their dad & friends, as well as extended family. My fiancé works in the wind industry & used to travel but after our 3 year old was born he got a permanent position in our home town! So all was well for the last 2.5 years. We had a home1/2 block from the boys school, they had friends that lived next door, were on great sports teams,they saw their dad every other day, grandparents etc. Well as fate would have it we got news that his contract in Kansas had been terminated unexpectedly after 2.5 years, which left us with a few options. Wait & see if the new company would hire him (which wasn't promised) or relocate to Colorado about 8 hours from our home town. We chose to relocate & have been here in Colorado about 8 weeks now. My kids miss their dad terribly & their friends. They started school here last week & my 11 year old was almost in tears dropping him off. He wants to be at home with his friends & everything he's ever known. My 9 year old misses home too but does not seem as sad as my oldest. Now the hard part comes in, I feel like I may have made a mistake in moving them here & constantly feel guilty about their sadness because it is "my fault". My fiancé is a great dad to our 3 year old & works hard to provide for us. But I don't feel like he really cares about my other boys. He can be very emotionally abusive & I often feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. Just last week he called my 9 year old a "" for forgetting to shut off the tv. He can be very rude to me & often calls me a or "lazy" among numerous other things. We were going to a therapist in Kansas & I feel like we were making progress with some of his issues when all of a sudden this move happened. He seems to hold a lot of anger in & it comes out in rude remarks & emotional abuse. He does have his good qualities though & is not always like that. But I'm starting to feel like this is just who he is & it will never change, no matter how bad I want it to. He is just so negative about everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. I feel like he sucks all the positive energy out of the room constantly. I feel like I jumped the gun on this move & am starting to severely regret it. How could I have been so selfish to move my kids from their dad & everyone they love to live with someone who doesn't care that he is an ?! I feel stupid & have been extremely sad these last few weeks. A part of me feels like I need to go home & cut my losses but another part is telling me to suck it up. But I just can't live with myself seeing my kids so unhappy. Not going to lie, I am not happy either. I am not exactly thrilled about starting over by myself at 30 with 3 kids but the idea of living like this isn't very exciting either. Someone please give me a nudge in the right direction! I do love him & we've been but together 5 years now with a son but just don't know if I can put up with the emotional abuse anymore. I also would feel bad leaving him here with this new big house he got us & for separating him from our 3 year old. I am SO TORN

I also meant to add that I have residental custody of my 2 older children from my ex. He has not been very stable over the years with housing & some drinking problems. This was another reason I thought it best to move them away from their dad. But he really is a great dad & loves them dearly. I feel like I was hyped up about this move & how "awesome " it was going to be & now that it's here I see that it's really not that great

Well, the day my BF calls me lazy or names, I am done. There is no way anyone should have to put up with name calling in a relationship. The fact that he doesn't seem to care about your kids is another problem too. Kids aren't stupid, they will pick up on this. Next, the negatively sucks. Been there, done that. Walking on eggshells isn't fun either, another crappy experience I went through. Either you get back into therapy to correct his inappropriate behavior, or pack up and go home. Not so much because the kids don't like it there, sometimes you have to move, like for a job. The kids need to understand that. However, their Dad being gone surely must hurt. That said, if your fiance was a happy, cheerful, positive guy who didn't name call and create these problems, you would likely be in a different place, and not posting this post. If he isn't willing to see the damage he is doing to the relationship, with his emotional abuse, and try to correct it, I would begin working on an exit strategy. It sounds like it could get ugly, so get the support systems ready too, if you decide you need to leave.

Why are you in this relationship? He is emotionally abisive to you and your kids. You should have stayed where you were.

This is who he is. Get out now!

Has the biological father become more responsible?

I strongly suggest that you address your choices in men, as it seems that your picker is severely off: you are attracted to toxic men.

I'm sure your children could eventually adjust to the move, however you and the children didn't sign up for any form of abuse. This is where the line should be drawn, as they're your number one priority and they should never be subjected to any of this.

He needs to understand that you're a package deal, and you're their one and only voice.

I think you should move back to where you were. Can you move in with family until you find your own place? I agree you jumped the gun on the move, but what's done is done. Your current guy doesnt sound like a great person to be around and if he's calling you and your kids names, then that's a deal breaker, especially when you say he's got anger issues. You have to do what's right for your kids ultimately.

I have been talking to him about taking the kids home & then mentioned that maybe I split my time between here & there (so he can see our 3 year old) while he figures out what he really wants in life. When I first mentioned this his response was "what do you want me to do, say some Romeo sh*t to make you want to stay?"....then just tonight he's like all like "I don't want you to leave, I want our family" but I don't feel right leaving my kids here & my momma instinct is telling me they need to be in Kansas with their friends & family

Exactly...I would feel so much better about this if we got along & everyone wasn't so tense around him